The Emperor, Author at Racket Magazine

A Shining Example of People Who Have No Idea How to Reach Their Audience

Today, January 31st, 2014, I came across a sponsored ad on Facebook. Now, we've all seen sponsored ads that aren't QUITE aimed at the right potential customer (... Read More...

Tech3 Comments

Stupor Bowl Sunday

The Emperor

OK, so your local sports team is out of the running and that other sports team you just DESPISE is going to the Super Bowl. Whatever. Don't watch it. I know tha... Read More...

Culture0 Comments

Mantry – A Food Club for Men. Manly Men.

The Emperor

I used to think that the Omaha Steaks style of mail-order food was weird as hell. I mean, it's kind of weird to have someone mail you food, right? I've seen thi... Read More...

Culture3 Comments

The Lawrence Arms – Metropole – Review

The Emperor

The Lawrence Arms Metropole Epitaph Records 10/10 How three dudes from Chicago can make album after album of punk anthems is beyond me. How they do that w... Read More...

Music0 Comments

One-Liner Album Reviews – January 2014 Edition

The Emperor

Jesus Christ, there are a lot of albums. We don't even get one percent of them, and we still get tons of shit to review. And I'm busy, maaaaan, I gotta go make ... Read More...

Culture6 Comments

You’ll Never Guess How These Top 23 Tracks Will Amaze You – Racket’s Holiday MP3 Mix 2013

The Emperor

Hello, everyone! You know what rules? PRESENTS. You know what sucks? SPENDING MONEY. Here is our gift to you, a wonderful gift that costs NO MONEY. Zip. Zilch. ... Read More...

Music14 Comments

Kingston Technology Prize Pack Giveaway!

The Emperor

I hate Black Friday. I HATE it. I worked in retail for years and witnessed mothers gnash their teeth in a ferocious attempt to snag that Tickle Me Elmo from the... Read More...

Tech27 Comments

The Emperor’s Holiday/Engagement/Wedding Gift Guide 2013!

The Emperor

It's that time of the year again, the festive holiday season full of people decrying our capitalistic society's waning valuation of the real reason for the seas... Read More...

Articles13 Comments

Haiku Reviews

The Emperor

Hank3 Brothers of the 4x4 Megaforce Records/Hank 3 Records 8/10 Cheap beer, cheaper girls Think Primus, but rowdier I wanna shoot shit Elec... Read More...

Music2 Comments

GWAR – Whitechapel – Iron Reagan – Band of Orcs – Photo Gallery

The Emperor

So, we went to see GWAR again. This time with a new set of touring companions: Band of Orcs - Sucks farts out of my asshole. Iron Reagan - Good to see a thr... Read More...

Music1 Comment

Shitty One Sentence Reviews

The Emperor

Look, we're busy, maaaaaan. This beer ain't gonna drink itself and I have a whole lotta Netflixing to do. So, to clear some of the clutter off of my desk, I pre... Read More...

Music5 Comments

Tim Kasher – Adult Film – Album Review

The Emperor

Tim Kasher Adult Film Saddle Creek 7/10 I used to love listening to Tim Kasher’s music, including his full bands Cursive and the Good Life. Then I stop... Read More...

Music3 Comments

Go Outside, Nerds. (It’s Actually pretty cool.)

The Emperor

Dear Fellow Nerds, Please stop perpetuating the stereotype of the acne'd, basement-dwelling, socially anxious, Minecraft obsessed virgin. Unless that's you, ... Read More...

Culture9 Comments

LET THERE BE GWAR! – Art Gallery Exhibit Opens In Richmond

The Emperor

I love GWAR. That's a known fact. I don't give a shit that they are loud, obnoxious, vulgar, juvenile, disgusting, slimy, rude, insolent, offensive, politicall... Read More...

Culture1 Comment

GWAR – Battle Maximus – Review

The Emperor

GWAR Battle Maximus Metal Blade Records 10/10 I fucking love GWAR. Have since 6th grade, which was about 20 years ago. Since then, I’ve watched as GWAR e... Read More...

Music1 Comment

Prismacolor Premier Chisel | Fine Double Ended Markers

The Emperor

While at the San Diego Comic-Con, we picked up a few of Prismacolor's Chisel markers. Seeing as I have the fine motor-control of an elephant having a seizure, I... Read More...

Culture1 Comment