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Haiku Reviews

brothersofthe4x4Hank3
Brothers of the 4×4
Megaforce Records/Hank 3 Records
8/10

Cheap beer, cheaper girls
Think Primus, but rowdier
I wanna shoot shit

 

Electric-Six-MustangElectric Six
Mustang
Metropolis Records
6/10

What the hell is this?
Is this dance/hair metal/glam?
What’s going on here?

 

 

Story-Of-The-YearStory Of The Year
Page Avenue, 10 Years and Counting
5/10

Re-recorded songs?
I’m too old for your angst, man
At least it sounds fine

 

 

Acceptance_Speech_-_Dance_Gavin_DanceDance Gavin Dance
Acceptance Speech
Rise Records
7/10

Oh, you guys again
What is this, your 9th singer?
Stop screaming at me

 

Headstones_Love_+_FuryHeadstones
Love + Fury
Frostbyte Records
7/10

Sounds like Lou Reed did
Empire Records’ Soundtrack
In a “punk” style

 

Satyricon-album-2013SATYRICON
Self-Titled
Nuclear Blast
5/10

These dudes are the type
That cheered on the damned Balrog
So pissed Gandalf lived

 

motorheadaftershockcd_600Motörhead
Aftershock
UDR
9/10

Motorhead still rules
Motorhead will never suck
Fuck yea MOTORHEAD!

 

Tech-N9ne-TherapyTech N9ne
Therapy EP
Strange Music
7/10

Some OzzFest shit, man
More rappers should do metal
Tech didn’t fuck up

 

NeoGeoDigitalDNACoverNeo Geo
Digital DNA
Hardline Entertainment
5/10

This isn’t 8-bit
Metal Slug fucking ruled. This:
Spooky-goth-dance-pop

 

POSWDELHMDSRMXsmallP.O.S.
WDELH/MDS/RMX
Doomtree
7/10

I love P.O.S.
I’m too old for remixes
Too artsy for me

 

blessed-feathers_order-of-the-arrow-300x300-1Blessed Feathers
Order of the Arrow
8/10

Hippie chick style
Set reverb to “empty church”
Good slow-hump music

 

 

QuietLife_WildPack_CoverQuiet Life
Wild Pack
Mama Bird Recording Co.
9/10

Bluesy kickass shit
Like a Lumineers’ hoe-down
Get the whiskey out

 

dallas-buyers-club1-300x298The Dallas Buyers Club
Soundtrack
Relativity Music Group
8/10

AIDS is terrible
This soundtrack is awesome, but
Anachronistic

 

Melt-banana-fetchMelt-Banana
Fetch
A-Zap Records
3/10

Couldn’t stand before
Why are noise bands still a thing
No no no no no

 

the-illumination-departures-cover-artwork_mediumThe Illumination
Departures
InVogue Records
5/10

Scream about your ex
I bet that will bring her back
Go get a haircut

 

architects-border-wars-e1374011890263The Architects
Border Wars
Skeleton Crew Records
4/10

Nineties pop-alt-rock?
Elvis Costello on speed?
Too many genres

 

los-campesinos_no_blues_album-500x500Los Campesinos
No Blues
Wichita Recordings
8/10

Hand claps, shaking hips
Coachella had a kid?
Dem backup vox, though