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Jesus Christ, there are a lot of albums. We don’t even get one percent of them, and we still get tons of shit to review. And I’m busy, maaaaan, I gotta go make nachos and drink these SWEET fucking beers I got from Shmaltz Brewing (Jewbelation Reborn and the Death of a Contract Brewer), so here’s some quickies:

Beloved_IKTPQI Killed The Prom Queen
Beloved
Epitaph
5/10

 

I have no fucking clue what any of the lyrics are.

 

 

NOFX_-_Stoke_Extinguisher_coverNOFX
Stoke Extinguisher
Fat Wreck Chords
7/10

It’s NOFX, you know how it is.

 

 

Avett_MagpieThe Avett Brothers
Magpie and the Dandelion
American Records
8/10

Listen to this if you want to hump a hippie chick.

 

 

maria-taylor-something-about-knowingMaria Taylor
Something About Knowing
Saddle Creek
8/10

If you don’t think you want to hump hippie chicks, listen to this, you’ll definitely wanna hump hippie chicks.

 

 

941371_10151757261183949_1123995361_nNGHBRS
Twenty One Rooms
Paper & Plastick
9/10

Even though their name looks like a Words With Friends nightmare, they rule at straightforward dive bar rock.

 

 

Untitled-4Teenage Bottlerocket
American Deutsch Bag
Fat Wreck Chords
9/10

My only bitch is that it’s too short.

 

 

13600The Head and the Heart
Let’s Be Still
SubPop Records
8/10

Makes me wanna go camping and stare at mountains and streams and birds and shit.

 

 

The+Greater+Wrong+of+the+Right+skinny_puppy_the_greater_wrongSkinny Puppy
The Greater Wrong Of The Right
Nippon Crown
4/10

It sounds like Kraftwerk is on drugs and trying to re-do the soundtrack for The Matrix Revolutions.

 

 

de_3137_lg_v1Jewbelation Reborn
Shmaltz Brewing
10/10

Thank God I’ve gone back and checked everything in the morning, because 17% beer kicks you square in the brain.

 

 

DOACB_BODYDeath of a Contract Brewer
Shmaltz Brewing
9/10

I’m sloshed as all balls, so why do I keep drinking this!?

 

 

 

-Jonathan Yost