Roller derby combines some of my favorite things: hot (usually tattooed) chicks, violence, action and puns. All of these things are awesome, put them together and you have roller derby, a predominantly female sport since, let’s face it, VERY few people want to see men in booty shorts skate in circles. One of the Angel City Derby Girls (who apparently have been invited to the Western regional tournament of the biggest governing body of roller derby, the WFTDA) explained to me how this goes, but I kept getting sidetracked with looking down her shirt and drinking heavily. I’ll try my hardest to explain how this goes:
– There’s 1 jammer (jam out with yer clam out, amiright?) and 4 blockers per team. The jammer does the scoring, and the blockers are the ones who try to knock the other jammer on her ass.
– A jam is equivalent to a play in football except that it can last up to two minutes.
– They use puns as names. The ACDG press officials names are Ghetto Fabu-Lez and Diablo Codeine, if that gives you an idea of what’s going on here.
– Ummm… there’s some referees… maybe…
– … Roller derby’s been around for 76 years…
– Aaaaannnddd… somethingsomethingsomething. I had a lot of beer.
You know what, just go to a roller derby game. Like all sports teams, I’ve chosen my team based on convenience and what won’t get me beat up. As such, I’ve been convinced to head to the ACDG game on August 13th, 2011, where their star hotties, I mean, athletes, will go head to head (or more like hip to hip) with the Santa Cruz Derby Girls, who I’m sure will be showing up red-eyed and reeking of patchouli. Probably. I won’t know til I get there. Which will be Saturday. Around 6:30 (rumor is that there’s a happy hour from 7-8, when the first game starts). Tickets are $14 for general admission and $25 for VIP, which I’m sure increases your chance to have someone careen into you. The game will be at the Culver City Veterans Auditorium, 4117 Overland Avenue Culver City, CA 90230. You can buy the tickets here: http://fla.vor.us/acdgaug2011
-Jonathan “Yostface Killah” Yost