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Gozer loves being free.

I like to think of myself not as lazy, but as exceedingly efficient. I try to get as much done as quickly as I can with minimal work. “Work smart, not hard” is one of my favorite phrases. Imagine my surprise when I found out there was a more efficient way to take my dog, Gozer The Destructor, on a walk. Enter the Leisure Leash. Basically two loops of dog leash material cobbled together with some D-rings and a carabiner, the Leisure Leash is PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME (and less than $20). Not so much as a daily walking tool, but for walking to an area where I plan on unleashing the Gozerian to his own devices (read: “off-leash”).


I loop the red half around Gozer’s neck, and the black part is a 2-foot(-ish) leash, walk to wherever it is I want him to run around bat-shit insane, wrap the black loop around the fuzzbucket’s neck and off he goes, destroying everything in his path (read: runs in circles looking like a derp). I call him with the traditional “Gozer, KILL,” and upon his return, I grab the black loop and off we go.

I mean, as leashes meant for off-leash activities go, I can’t think of anything better.