Well, I was going to write an interesting intro to this about how Gym Class Heroes was one of my favorite interviews I’ve done, but really, that’s all you need to know.
Racket Jonathan: What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
Gym Class Heroes Travis: Drinking margaritas.
Gym Class Heroes Matt: I’d have to say throwing the ‘bee, flipping the ‘bee.
RJ: You like giving people the bird?
GCHM: No! The Frisbee! It’s what hippies call it.
RJ: I’m no hippie, I’ll tell you that.
GCHM: I’m not, either, I just know a lot of them.
RJ: Yea, whatever. Tell me a joke
GCHT: OK, so this little boy has a toy train in his backyard and he has all of his stuffed animals on it. One day, his mom’s watching and he stops, looks at his stuffed animals and yells “Anyone who wants to get off the fucking train, get off the fucking train, anyone who wants to get on the fucking train, get on the fucking train!” His mom’s thinking that she must be buggin, and the kid goes around again. And again, he stops and yells “Anyone who wants to get off the fucking train, get off the fucking train, anyone who wants to get on the fucking train, get on the fucking train!” His mom yells “That’s it, Timmy, get your ass in the house!” She beats the shit out of him and tells him never to swear again. He sits in his room all day and then the mom comes in and says “are you ready to play with your train again?” He nods. He comes out, gets on his train again, comes around and stops, and she’s waiting for this, and he syas “Anyone who would like to get off the train may get off the train, anyone who would like to get off the train can get off the train at this time, and if you’re late, blame it on that bitch in the house!”
RJ: Dumbest way you’ve ever caused injury to yourself?
GCHT: Fucking. Can I say that?
RJ: Yea, what happened?
GCHT: I bent my shit. I hit bottom, dude. Bent my tip from bottoming out. Hurt like a motherfucker for a week.
RJ: What makes you so mad you feel like you’re about to turn into the Hulk?
Gym Class Heroes The Jesus: People who are late.
GCHT and GCHM: BOOOO!!!
GCHTJ: What?! People who are always late piss me off.
RJ: Would you ever fuck a wookie?
GCHT: If she shaved her coochie. The rest can be hairy as long as her coochie’s shaved, I’m good with it. I’ll tear a wookie’s ass up. They all look the same, there’s no way to discriminate. As long as that shit’s shaved, I’m with it.
RJ: Who in the band masturbates the most?
GCHT: You, bitch!
GCHTJ: No, I don’t need to masturbate!
GCHT: The Jesus definitely masturbates the most, though I did catch Disashi masturbating the other day.
GCHM: I did, too. Maybe Disashi does jerk off the most.
GCHT: Alright, Dasashi.
GCHM: This interview’s fucking weird.
Racket Brandon: Silverstein hated it.
RJ: Fuck ‘em. What the fuck ever happened to Mr. T cereal? That shit was badass!
GCHT: That shit was! You know what happened was that they took it off the market because they said it had too much sugar in it and kids were going apeshit.
RJ: Dude, it was Mr. T cereal, it’s supposed to kick your ass!
GCHT: Exactly, dude! I pity the fool who don’t try my cereal.
GCHTJ: They really had that?
GCHT: That shit ruled, and it really existed!
RJ: You really missed out if you never had it.
GCHT: That shit was badass.
RJ: It was kinda like Cap’n Crunch, but in the shape of Ts.
GCHT: Shit was good, mad sugary.
RJ: Have you ever called out the wrong name during sex?
GCHT: Definitely, yo! But the thing is, it wasn’t during, it was after. Being a dude, you know that after you bust, you’re stupid for like four and a half minutes. You are really fucking dumb. I have definitely said the wrong shit. But the thing is, I’m an artful dodger, I’m really good at playing it off, like “Baby, c’mon, you know I didn’t say that.”
RJ: When Racket interviewed Hawthorne Heights, they said they would fight small school children. What weak group do you like to pick on?
GCHM: Probably lepers.
GCHT: Nah, dude! Matt likes to pick on lepers, I like the Warped Tour catering line volunteers. I’ll beat the shit out of them anyday.
RJ: That leads into my next question, what’s your favorite place to hit a girl?
GCHT: In the babymakers, yo! Dead in the babymakers!
RJ: What are your thoughts on fishing?
GCHT and GCHTJ: Snatch hook!
GCHT: Snatch fishing is the shit, it’s illegal but it’s so fucking fun. Here’s what it is: it’s a three prong hook with a weight in the middle, and what you do is, say you go to a dock and see a fish chillin’. Drop your hook under him and yank as hard as you can! Dude, it’s so fucking fun! You get him on shore and stomp his ass!
GCHTJ: Then toss him back in!
GCHT: Kick him back in!
RJ: How old were you when you fingerbanged a girl for the first time?
GCHT: I don’t remember, man, maybe seven…
RJ: Holy shit!
GCHT: Maybe twelve.
RJ: That’s a big fuck difference!
GCHT: I really don’t remember, but I’ll tell you what, smell that.
Here’s where Travis stuck two fingers under my nose. I felt like I was in the movie Kids. At this point, everyone laughed at my misfortune.
RJ: Well, that was the most interesting response to a question ever. When you murder a prostitute, where’s your favorite place to dump the body?
GCHT: The Jesus’ bunk. There’s like 4 of them sitting there right now.
RJ: When faced with a moral dilemma, do you sit back and ask yourself what Beavis and Butthead would do?
GCHT: No, I sit back and wonder what Phil Donahue would do. I really look up to that guy.
RJ: Seems like a strange guy to look up to.
GCHT: Exactly, yo, I’m a strange dude.
RJ: Would you ever travel back in time just to fuck shit up for a cheap laugh?
GCHT: Fuck yea, dude. I’d go back when Ricki Lake was fat and fuck the shit out of her, give her all kinds of babies, and then when she got skinny, I’d dump her ass and see what the butterfly effect would be.
The rest of GCH: Booo!!!
RJ: Give the Pope an insulting nickname.
GCHT: The Jesus.
RJ: That doesn’t seem very insulting.
GCHT: It’s an inside joke. That’s The Jesus! (pointing to The Jesus, guitar player of GCH.)
GCHM: His last name’s DeJesus, but it’s funnier to say The Jesus.
RJ: Whatever, on a scale of 1 to 14, how racially prejudiced would you say you are? Keep in mind if you’ve ever even laughed at Chappelle’s Show you’re at least a 3.7.
GCHT: I’m caught in the middle. My mom’s white, and I hate her guts, my dad’s black, and he is cool as fuck.
RJ: Is it racially motivated, your hatred for your mom, or is she just a total bitch?
GCHT: She fucked me up. Do you know how much I got made fun of when I was younger?
GCHT: Matt knows. They called me zebra and shit.
GCHM: No! You said that shit yourself!
GCHT: I was just kidding, I love my mom.
RJ: You know how when you’re taking a liquidy shit, and it’s like water shooting out your asshole? Imagine someone doing that in your ear, and that’s what it’s like for me to listen to Hawthorne Heights. What band makes you feel this way?
GCHT: Oh, shit! That was incredible! He said liquidy shit! Wow. I’m not going to go near that one.
RJ: Man, I put myself on the line! I stand by my morals. Besides yourselves, what socially irresponsible rap music do you support?
GCHT: Definitely a big afro-man fan. Probably because I got high.
GCHM: Young Jeezy
GCHTJ: Necro and the Sexorcist.
RJ: What’s your favorite kind of hamburger?
GCHT: Chilli burger. That’s a burger with chilli on it.
GCHM: Boca burger.
GCHTJ: Turkey burger.
RJ: Eww, If someone were to call you the next Kurt Cobain, would you take it to mean that they thought you were revolutionary or that they think you should kill yourself?
GCHT: The latter.
RJ: That they want you to die? Jesus Christ, I think I’m the only person who likes Nirvana in this entire fuck place. Any questions, comments, concerns, hopes, dreams or aspirations that you’d like to share?
GCHT: Racket, just live long and prosper. Oh, and buy our motherfucking albums.
– Jonathan Yost