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twitter_fail_whale.pngAs a fledgling Twitter-er, I am just barely dipping my toes into the ocean of twits, twats, and tweeting. Honestly, the amount of unnecessary information available is almost astounding. Celebrities have shown to be the highest supplier of utterly pointless details. The number of intelligent people who truly care that Heidi Montag is headed (oh, dear god, no) to the studio has to be less than one percent. Including those who are a blind or in a coma. Now, telling us that she is not going to the studio, hopefully ever again? That’s a different story.

Some celebrities, like Jimmy Fallon, do not suffer from the disease known as over-active twitteritis. Symptoms consist mainly of the misguided belief that every detail of one’s life is of the utmost importance to the rest of the world. **cough** Heidi Montag** cough**. Perez Hilton has been diagnosed as well. Finally farting does not rank high on my list of need-to-know facts, sorry. Luckily, some celebrities share their lives in a more interesting, less TMI manner. Take Joel Madden or Pete Wentz- neither supplies a steady stream of updates consisting of every breath, bite, or bowel movement. I am, however, eternally grateful to John Mayer for letting us know that he crossed his legs for too long, causing his penis to fall asleep.

Excluding Heidi, I must admit that I am deeply saddened that the girls of The Hills” keep their Twitter profiles private. I feel as though I am being deprived of endless updates regarding their blinking and hair-flipping. Or, if it was a particularly strenuous day, blinking while flipping their hair.

Twitter on, my stars. Let us humble working class have a peek into the illustrious celebrity life.

(Except you, Heidi.)

–Cortney Long