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Punk Goes Classic Rock
Various Artists
Fearless Records
2/10

I’m getting too old for this shit. Having grown up listening to the original bands in the 9th “Punk Goes” series from Fearless, hearing I See Stars layer cookie monster vocals on top of goofy synths on their cover of The Outfield’s “Your Love” was physically repulsive. I also can’t deal with the trend of singers making sure they breathe AS LOUDLY AS POSSIBLE, as exhibited by The Almost’s Weasley-esque Aaron Gillespie while mangling (breathes in loudly) “Free Fallin’.”

It’s not ALL terrible, as I find myself fighting the urge to hate on VersaEmerge’s “Paint It Black” cover, which is one of my favorite Stones songs. The dueling male/female vocals are interesting, and not nasally like Forever The Sickest Kids’ ball-less rendition of Crazy Train. Though, to be fair, very few have the proverbial guitar-balls of Randy Rhodes.I also enjoy the take on “Dream On” that Blessthefall brings to the table. It has a particularly ethereal and creepy tone to it, which is pretty rad.

It was Never Shout Never’s rendition that made me realize that I’m listening to songs originally made by men being re-done by boys. Their cover of “Bohemian Rhapsody” makes me feel like I’m listening to a snottier version of Kidz Bop. Who the hell thought it was a good idea to give life to Alternative Press’ jizz rag?

Hands down the worst offense goes to Pierce The Veil’s cover of “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper.” There’s something to be said about “more cowbell,” especially when you use NO FUCKING COWBELL! I give up, I officially don’t get kids today.

-Jonathan “The Emperor” Yost