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Daryl Palumbo sounds like a detective show. Well, he’s obviously not. He’s the singer of the band Glassjaw, as well as the smut-rock band Head Automatica. I sat down for a bit with this guy and fired off hard-line question after hard-line question. Then I was asked a question myself. It’s always assuring when someone affirms your manhood. Check it.

Daryl: How are you doing?

Racket: Hungover as fuck. What about you?

D: Sorry to hear about that.

R: Whateves. Just a long night of hard drinking. What’s your worst drinking experience?

D: My 25th birthday. I drank. A lot. Got really drunk and threw up everywhere. It could have been way worse, but it was pretty disgusting. It was the only time I’ve thrown up from drinking.

R: What the fuck did you drink?

D: I don’t really remember what was happening at the time, but it was definitely gross.

R: Who in Head Automatica is the best cook?

D: Craig, our guitar player. He cooks a lot of vegetarian, lots of fish. Organic and very health savvy.

R: What about you, do you enjoy the calming effects of turkey or are you a veggie-eating hippie, too?

D: I do not eat red meat, but I thoroughly enjoy the calming effects of turkey.

R: Fantastic. How does it feel to know that people have dirty, dirty sex to your music?

D: I love it when people tell me that! Part of when I was writing it I knew it was supposed to be dirty. It’s supposed to be real dirty. There’s some shit on the new record that is pretty fuck worthy.

R: I appreciate your efforts in helping others get laid.

D: oh, yea. Fuck yea! I’ll help tons of people get laid.

R: What tunes do you have dirty, dirty sex to?

D: Portishead. I’ve had so much sex to Portishead that I cum when I just hear it. I’m like Pavlov’s dogs, I associate it with sex so much that I just have to hear Beth Gibbon’s voice and I ejaculate.

R: Gross. Do you like monkeys?

D: Yea, I think they’re adorable. I also think that I look like one, not because I’m adorable, just because I’m so damned furry and I have large eyes.

R: Do you prefer the sloth or the monkey?

D: They’re both very cute. Three toes sloths are very cute despite the bad rap they get.

R: Sloths rule, they’ll give you a hug and all a monkey will do is chuck its shit at you.

D: Monkeys will masturbate at you.

R: I know, seen that once at the zoo. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

D: A bit, I’d imagine, if he’s been working at it for a while.

R: Boxers or briefs?

D: Briefs.

R: Briefs? I think you’re the only full grown man I’ve known to wear briefs. At least the first who’s open about it. How many fillings do you have?

D: I have two silver ones on the sides of my teeth.

R: Have you ever been arrested?

D: No, thank God.

R: Ever come close?

D: Yes. There’s been numerous occasions where I’ve had close run ins with the law. One time a friend and I stole this girl’s character costume out of the back of her car. She was working at Dunkin’ Donuts and she got in her car and was following us at high speeds, like, ramming us. She was all “Gimme back my fucking suit!” These cops pulled u and we’re all “No, we’re friends, we’re friends!” We all pretended to be friends, and we gave her the suit back.

R: Awesome. You said there’s some fuck worthy songs on the new album, what else is on the new album?

D: Great rock n roll!

R: What’s different on this album from the last one?

D: A lot, we’re a full band now. That’s a big difference; this one’s produced by Howard Benson, that’s a big difference.

R: Where the fuck did Dan go?

D: I don’t know!

R: You don’t know?!

D: No, I don’t know where he is.

R: Whatever. Do you like mayonnaise?

D:  Yea!

R: Calm down. Do you guys have any weird ass shit in your rider (concert contract for those who don’t know)?

D: Yea, on the rider right now, there’s one Godzilla DVD. Some nights we’re accommodated.

R: Like Godzilla V. Mothra, or Godzilla the giant frickin’ nuclear iguana with Matthew Broderick?

D: We’ve been given the Matthew Broderick one, but all different ones.

R: What new records would you recommend to our lovely readers?

D: The new I am the Avalanche, the new Cage record, a band called We Are the Fury, they’re incredible. And the new Primal Scream album.

R: I’ve pretty much exhausted all my questions; you have any questions of me?

D: How big’s your dick?

R: The only time I had the balls to measure it, I only had one of those six-inch protractors, and it went just past that and I was cool with that.

D: Oh, that’s fine. Yea, that’s great! That’s all I wanted to know. Take it easy.