After dealing with the technological breakdown of both camera and recorder, Racket Tony and I were able to squeeze out what we could remember from our interview with Jordan Hastings of Alexisonfire, and Kenny Bridges and Chris “Hippie” Hughes of Moneen. Canadians are so cute!
Racket Tony: If Canada was a country, what would its flag look like?
Moneen Kenny: If Canada was a country…if Canada was a country….hmm. Well, we have been trying to become a real country for a long time now but you guys never give us a chance! You think we just sit up here in the snow all the time, but when we come to you and ask , “Will you guys sign this, eh?” you keep telling us, “Oh no, we think you have nuclear bombs.” So we just stay our quiet little fishing shanty of a country and ride around on moose all day.
Alexisonfire Jordan: Yeah but what would the flag look like?
Moneen Chris: There wouldn’t be a flag.
MK: No, there would be one. It would just be of Hippie’s face.
(Chris then proceeds to give double thumbs up and smile wide, posing while everyone laughs.)
RT: Seriously though, Canada is great. But I can never remember…Is it Bob or Doug Mackenzie that’s Prime Minister?
MK: Both, actually. Each one takes 6 months out of the year, depending on who’s drunker.
Racket Sarah: The sober one takes over?
MK: The drunkest one takes over.
Racket Sarah: Ah, good deal.
RT: I like the ducks and hockey players on your money, but when did Canada adopt monopoly money as acceptable currency? Was it in the 70’s when you adopted the metric system?
MK: Let me answer your question with a question. Why is your money so boring? No other country has bland, boring, green money.
RS: You do have a point there.
(*Editor’s note: They didn’t deny having Monopoly money! – RacketBoss)
RT: What do you think of the current US plan to build a wall across the northern border to keep out the cold?
AJ: Sure! It’s weird though, coz I live a couple hours north of Buffalo and they always get snow and we hardly ever do. So sure, build a wall. In your fucking face America!
MC: They should make a huge bio-dome! You know, like the movie “Bio-dome”? That would be cool.
RT: Are illegal American workers cutting lawns for mere Loonies and Toonies a problem in Canada?
MK: Uh…I’m not even going to answer that one. I think I’d be walking into something.
RT: It’s alright, we’re both Mexican. We don’t care.
MK: I’ll pass.
RT: What do you think music today would be like if Geddy Lee had never been born?
MK: Geddy Lee? (Turns to Racket Sarah) Is that the kind of guys you are into? What kinda guys do you like, what’s your type?
RS: Uh…
MK: You probably like the guys who are all tatted up, go to shows, get in fights, and then drive off on their motorcycles. Am I right?
RS: No, actually. I try and avoid those guys at all cost.
MK: Ah. I see.
AJ: Geddy Lee has a big nose…
RT: Specific question for dreadlocks (Chris). Have you ever worn your hair like Coolio?
MC: Yes, actually, I have. I was beat up for it though, by Coolio himself. We were in Nebraska and Coolio was there and he beat me up.
MK: We don’t like to talk about those hot, Nebraska nights. That place is crazy. 
RT: Jeopardy time! This is the part where I give an answer and you have to provide a question. First one: So I punched grandma in the face.
MK: I would never punch Grandma in the face!!
RT: Ate the children.
AJ: I was hungry, so I ate the children.
(*Editor’s note: They have one of their own hosting the damned show, and can’t figure out that they are supposed to be giving questions, not answers. – RacketBoss)
MK: What is this magazine you write for? This interview is so strange!
RT: It’s called Racket Magazine. It’s really cool actually. We’re almost done removing the smell.
MC: My hair is good for removing the smell!
RT: Ok, last one. Who’s the largest in the land.
AJ: Well, I’m guessing you want me to say my penis…
RS: Alright, so who rocks harder? Alexisonfire or Moneen?
All three, in unison: Kyle Bishop.
MC: From the Black Mariah.
AJ: That should be the answer to the rest of the questions from now on. Kyle Bishop.
RS: Would you ever do an episode of Sesame Street?
MK: YES!!
RS: Would you be mean to the Grouch?
MK: Oh, no.
MC: The Grouch and I would make sweet, sweet love in his trashcan.
RS: Hawthorne Heights said they would beat up 4th Graders. What group of weak individuals would you pick on?
MK: Well, since we are the weakest individuals I know, we’d probably just beat up ourselves. Just bash our own faces in.
RS: Do you think you could beat up Hawthorn Heights?
MK: I don’t know. Probably.
RS: How many hours a day would you say you are on Myspace?
MK: Myspace? You mean your space? What’s your space like? One bedroom? Studio? Loft? What? Is it nice? Can we go?
MC: What’s Myspace?
RS: Hahaha…wait, are you serious?
MC: Who here has a Myspace? (Jordan, Tony, and Sarah all raise their hands)
MC: All you guys exit van right now.
RS: Awww! Well, on that note, is there anything else you would like to say?
MK: I’d like to say that I have had to pee half-way into this interview and I really can’t think right now.
AJ: Yeah, I needed to go before we started.
MC:I peed about 15 minutes into the interview.
RS: Well, sorry about that! Thanks for your time though, good luck tonight!
MK: No problem! Thanks!
We were then given big hugs from Kenny before he and Jordan booked it to the bathroom. The show was absolutely amazing, skyrocketing my hatred for Weezer to a record high. Alexisonfire’s new release “Crisis” and Moneen’s brand new album “The Red Tree” are both out now. Do yourselves a favor and buy them.