Interview with 1090 Club
God, I hate Los Angeles. I hate being yelled at by crazy people, I hate driving for two hours, only to get ten miles
closer to my destination and I absolutely hate being in LA sober. I went down there with RacketMike to do an interview with a band from Montana, possibly the only band in Montana that doesn’t have a "compound" to keep out the non-believers. Well, as I said, I hated being sober, but as I hate drunk drivers even worse, I waited. Once snugly parked away in our outrageously expensive parking structure, the Miller High Life began to flow. Then, off to a diner for more drinks, then one at the Knitting Factory, and it was just about time to do our aforementioned interview. For barely being able to stand, I think I did OK.
Racket Jonathan: What do you expect of me in this interview? I think I’m entitled to know what kind of pressure I’m working under here.
1090 Sean: We’re just expecting you to talk about the 1090 Club, I guess.
1090 Mike: Yea, we have low expectations.
RJ: That’s good. I don’t work well under pressure. What do you want to talk about?
1090 Sean: That’s hard for us; we’re better with questions.
RJ: Shit, I don’t prepare questions! (To the wingman at the bar) MIKE! Give me a question!
Racket Mike: …a good question?
RJ: Any question, and make it snappy!
RJ: Yes, fantastic question, what superpower would you like to have and why?
1090 Sean: I dunno, I’ve never thought about that before.
1090M: I don’t know, that’s a tough one.
After about ten seconds, he realizes I’m staring at him like an autistic kid at a cupcake.
RJ: I’m still waiting for an answer.
1090M: I know!
RJ: I’m like Lou Dobbs without the crazy, but with the hard hitting questions and erectile dysfunction.
1090M: I don’t know, maybe I’d like to move things with my mind. A little telekinesis. Check it out a bit.
1090 Sean: Why do you like our record?
RJ: Well, I enjoy melodies, and I hate screaming. You guys had melody and no screaming. Speaking of nonsensical screaming, what’s your stance on hardcore?
1090M: I listen to some hardcore music. [No, he doesn’t.] I listen to a pretty wide range of music, so some hardcore music I like. [Nuh uh.] I think that most new music isn’t going in a good direction, but some of it is.
1090 Sean: I think that there’s not too much new stuff, just the same stuff done by a newer generation, it kind of reminds me of hair metal in the eighties. Everyone’s wearing the same jacket, same pants, same hair and everything’s the same, and that’s how it was at the end of hair metal; everyone ended up looking exactly the same.
RJ: And both genres have too much eyeliner. How many punks does it take to change a light bulb? [Note to readers – Matt sucks turds. Yes, I may have stolen this joke from him, but he’s a tool anyways – RacketBoss ]
1090M: None? They’re too lazy to change anything.
RJ: Correct, punks don’t change anything, not even their clothes. Shit, I’m not even interviewing anymore, I’m just telling jokes. Speaking of which, what do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common?
1090 Sean: Nothing?
RJ: False. Their greatest hit was the wall.
1090 Sean: That’s really good.
RJ: I stole it from Tim of Rise Against. (At this point, the drummer shows up late, in stereotypical drummer fashion.) Hey, it’s Mr. Drummer-man, what do you want to talk about?
1090 Steve: Diving in LA is crazy.
RJ: I hate Los Angeles when it comes to moving around in it. It sucks. Drinks = $8, thumbs down. Plus, $7 parking turns my one drink into $15. Not into it. That’s why Mike and I hit up some shitty liquor store. Three Miller High Life tall boys for three bucks.
1090 Sean: Nice!
RJ: Montana! You guys are from there. Still have no speed limit?
1090M: It’s not that way anymore. It’s 75.
RJ: What’s the generally driven speed, then?
1090 Sean: About 80-82.
RJ: Really? I drive like 90 in a 75 zone. Highway patrol drives even faster than that. Do you ever worry that when you hit 88MPH, you’re going to start time-traveling?
1090 Sean: I kind of do. We saw some guy with an antennae on the back and said “When’s that guy going to?”
1090M: You don’t time travel at 88MPH?
RJ: I have no flux capacitor! My wingman, wherever the hell he went off to, informed me that the 1090 club refers to having a mullet, is this true?
1090 Sean: This is true.
RJ: But none of you have mullets, you’re not even in your own club!
1090M: We were all in the club in our past.
1090 Megan: Not me!
1090M: Shut up. Never?
1090 Sean: It was a crazy haircut that all the rednecks in Montana have.
(Some scene kid from The Photo Atlas passes by with his reverse-mullet, see image below )
RJ: Would this schmuck be in the 9010 club? We should use that as a code word for scene kids. Help me bring this into the popular jargon.
(1090 Steve started laughing)
RJ: Jennifer Tilly has large breasts.
1090M: I have Jennifer Tilly as the background on my computer.
RJ: Pervert, I have kittens fighting to the death.
1090M: You know that every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.
RJ: I am responsible for a mass genocide, and I must take responsibility for my actions. Actually, I just look it as fighting back against those who don’t spay their animals. What do you think could just ruin a person’s day?
1090M: A new Mariah Carey album?
RJ: Yes! Fuck. What catch phrase do you use too often?
1090M: I don’t know.
1090 Sean: I do.
1090M: Tell me!
1090 Sean: “Calm the fuck wown.” For me, it’s “calm down.”
1090M2: What do I say a lot?
1090 Sean: “Bitch is wasted!”
1090 Steve: Yeah, she says that all the time.
1090 Steve: “That’s intense.”
RJ: What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in high school?
1090 Sean: Going there.
1090 Steve: My mullet.
RJ: Wow. Who was your favorite WWF wrestler?
1090M: Rowdy Roddy Piper.
1090 Sean: Jimmy the Superfly
1090M2: I’ve never even heard of these people.
1090 Steve: I like Million Dollar Man, but I like Andre the Giant.
RJ: Mike, I’m running out of questions.
RM: Maybe you should have thought of some questions.
RJ: Maybe you should shut the fuck up and give me some questions or I’ll knock your ass out. *To random passerby* Give me a question!
Random Guy: Why do I like unicorns so much?
RJ: Answer his question!
1090M: Normally, he wouldn’t want to sound gay or nothing, but because he’s a fruity motherfucker!
RJ: Ask a question.
1090M: I don’t know!
RJ: Fine. What city has the ugliest girls?
1090 Sean and 1090M: Omaha.
RJ: Saddle Creek’s attracting ugly bitches, huh?
1090 Steve: That does not go for the rest of this band!
1090M: Don’t you want to know who has the hottest girls?
RJ: Tell me!
1090 Sean & 1090M: Madison, Wisconsin.
1090M: All that dairy!
RJ: Three-toed sloths are bad ass. What’s your favorite animal?
1090 Sean: That’s a damned good question. Get back to me on that.
1090M2: I don’t really like animals.
RJ: Megan hates animals! I will agree with the “fuck PETA” statement.
1090 Steve: Nothing. I don’t like animals.
1090M: Irish Wolfhound.
RJ: That’s a big dog. I’m done with this.