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Racket Jonathan: When people think of Cannibal Corpse, they think “metal as fuck,” and all that evil ass shit, and I was wondering if you guys ever get bummed out that you can’t sacrifice a rainbow.
Cannibal Corpse Alex: Never thought about that, man, though I’m not a big fan of the whole rainbow thing. We’re generally into the color black. As far as the clothes we wear, we’re not very colorful people. I’m not a big fan of rainbows, but I’ve never wanted to destroy one.
RJ: What about unicorns?
CCA: Don’t know anything about those. We don’t give a fuck about any of that stuff.

Racket Zach: If the US military asked you to license your latest album to scare terrorists out of caves, would you do it?
CCA: If it worked, sure.
RJ: Have you ever worn braces?
CCA: Braces? Yea, I had braces when I was a kid.
RJ: How much did that suck?
CCA: Yea, it wasn’t fun, but it was worth it, because my teeth would have been all over the place. It sucked, but it was worth it. Like a lot of things you do when you’re a kid, they suck then, but totally worth it when you’re older.

RJ: They seem like such a bitch to have. On the flip-side of the suck spectrum, how much does setting shit on fire rule?
CCA: When I was a little kid, I burned stuff. But not anymore. I’m probably too old for the pyromania. But when you’re a kid, you set shit on fire, maybe a toy car, lighter fluid.
RJ: Green Army men!
CCA: Yup.

RJ: One of my fellow writers and I have had a long standing disagreement on how’s more metal, you guys, or Cradle of Filth. Put into a room, how long until you guys are victorious?
CCA: I don’t know, there’s more of us than them. They have a keyboard player, so there’s 6 of them and five of us, so it would be tough.

RJ: I can’t pronounce some metal band names, and I was curious, what is the most ridiculous name you’ve heard of in metal.
CCA: We’re not in a position to throw stones at a glass house, because a lot of people thought our name was over the top.
RJ: But you have the alliteration going for you…
CCA: Yea, a lot of bands that have crazy names out there have names I like, but other people might not like. One of them’s Prostitute Disfigurement from Holland. It’s not a dumb name, I think it’s a really cool name, but it’s over the top and really gets your attention. That’s one of my favorite names for a band, actually.

RJ: True or False: corn chips are no place for a mighty warrior.
CCA: Yea, probably not.

RJ: Someone gave me the impression that you guys and the Catholic church aren’t on the best of terms, how do you respond to that.
CCA: We don’t don’t merit the attention of any churches as far as I know. We’ve had protests from a few church groups, but we’re still under the radar for a lot of those people that are concentrating on platinum selling artists like Marilyn Manson. There hasn’t been as many problems with censorship as you’d think.
RJ: You’d think there’d be a bunch.
CCA: We’ve had some. Playing West Virginia, they made us play just outside of the city. The city itself figured out what kind of band we were and decided that we couldn’t play there, so the guys putting on the show had to find a warehouse just outside the city limits for us to play in. That was the only time in America. Now, in Germany, we were banned from playing songs from the first three albums. We actually had to sign paperwork saying that we wouldn’t play any of those songs.
RJ: What was different about the first three albums?
CCA: Nothing, it’s ridiculous. All the albums have offensive, disgusting lyrics on them, so I don’t know why they thought those three were any worse than the remaining seven. Anyways, long story short, we’ve finished off all those problems in Germany and we can play whatever we want.

RJ: Word. Do you think Mario and Luigi ever tag-teamed the Princess?
CCA: Of course!
RJ: True or false: Being gay is gross unless it’s two hot chicks.
CCA: Oh, man, I’m not touching that one. We gotta go right to the next question.

RJ: What rap group would you like to do a duet with?
CCA: Shane Skills, Australian rapper, look him up on MySpace.

RJ: When you’re is sitting on the crapper, shitting out the babies you ate the night before, what do you read?
CCA: The paper. Maybe Newsweek or whatever.
RJ: Newsweek? Now that’s a surprise.
CCA: Got to keep up to date in case someone’s trying to censor us.

RJ: Has any of your fans sent in really shitty poetry to you guys?
CCA: Umm, some people sent lyrics and some poetry, and they’re all “do you guys want to use this,” but we don’t want to use it. We like to write our own stuff. We get sent a lot of cool stuff and a lot of weird stuff. One time a guy sent us some teeth. We don’t know if they were human teeth or his or whoever’s.

RJ: I have asthma, AKA “pussy-lung,” what chronic diseases do you have?
CCA: I don’t have any chronic diseases that I know of. I feel like I’m in pretty good health, except for my neck. I’m pretty sure I’ll have chronic neck pain when I’m older.
RJ: Why’s that?
CCA: Just watch my show and do that 1,000 times.

RJ: What is the sweetest weapon in your arsenal?
CCA: I guess my basses. My Spectors and my Modulus basses.
RJ: How many basses do you have?
CCA: I have five 5-strings 2 Spector and 3 Modulus five strings, another 7 four strings that I haven’t bothered to sell. I’ve been playing bass since 1984, and they’ve just kind of piled up.
RJ: That’s great trivia for all the fans: Alex has a dozen basses.
CCA: I actually have them up on my MySpace page. I didn’t put a bunch of pictures of me, but of my basses.

RJ: I’m an omnivore, what does your diet consist of?
CCA: I used to eat a lot healthier, but on tour there’s a lot of pizza. I’m pretty omnivorous myself.

RJ: Can we BFF?
CCA: Oh, Jesus, this interview. I already have a lot of friends, but you can be one of my MySpace friends.
RJ: Fantastic, BFF!!

-Interview by RacketBoss Jonathan Yost and Zach Downing