Unearth. Or is it UnEarth? Whatever. So, I find out I get to talk to a metal band again and the obvious course of action is to pound a pitcher of Newcastle no less than ten minutes before I meet up with them. Most metal bands can tell if you’re sober, and if you are, you’re probably a downer. Well, I’m no downer! So I get wasted, take a leak and sit in a dark alley with Buz (center) and Ken (left of center) of Unearth. It was…interesting. Mom, again, I’m sorry.
The Emperor!: I have a confession to make. I know nothing of your band.
Buz: That’s fine.
TE!: You know, I’ve been good for interviews because then I can’t be like, “Tell me about that time you guys did that thing.”
Buz: You know, I’m glad that you said that because a lot of times people try to fake like they’re, you know, like they’ll just read off the bio like “Unearth that started…” try to make it seem like it’s their own words. I’m like, dude, c’mon [laughs].
TE!: You know the songs that there’s some ambiguity in the lyrics. Like, Jimi Hendrix, where you can’t really understand. And you are like, did he just say, “Excuse me while I kiss this guy?”
TE!: Well, there’s a confusion on the lyrics for “Love Lust” for me and I heard “metal, metal, metal, metal, metal, fuck, metal, metal, tits, metal, metal.” I was wondering what the actual chorus of the song is?
Buz: [Laughs] Uh, I always thought he said, “Bread crust of the turkey club sandwich.”
TE!: See! That’s what I thought too! You told me it was “metal” but I was like, “alright.” Would you two bang out Vanessa Hudgens?
Dave: Oh her?
Ken: Bang out? I like that. I would blow her out.
Dave?: [Laughs] Blow her out?
Buz: Blow her out of the water?
Ken: She’d get blown out!
TE!: What about Hillary Clinton?
Buz: You know what? You’d just have to do it on principle just to say you did.
Ken: I would love to fuck a presidential hopeful but I’d also like to make it straight sex.
Buz: No, I would eat her pussy. I’d just bury my face in between her creamy thighs. I’d like wear a hockey mask.
Ken: That’s EXACTLY what I said!
TE!: Speaking of Hillary Clinton, what’s your favorite snack cracker?
Buz: Um, gotta go with the Ritz, man.
TE!: Plain ole Ritz? Now are you thinking about a kind of combination with some dip or just Ritz?
Buz: Ritz with uh, sharp cheddar cheese with (fried) sharp cheddar. It’s one of my favorite snacks or there’s the Pepperidge Farms, like uh, party assortment with the little butterfly-shaped ones.
Dave?: [Interrupts] Yeah, yeah.
Buz: with a little piece of sharp cheddar on them.
TE!: I’m a chicken-and-a-biscuit kind of guy, myself.
Buz: Those are good.
TE!: Delicious. Uh, and going back to Hillary Clinton, how much does getting head rule?
Buz: like how awesome is getting head?
Buz: It’s my favorite sexual, uh, maneuver.
TE!: Is it?
TE!: More than getting laid?
Buz: Yeah, you know sometimes I just like to have my dick sucked over pussy.
Ken: I absolutely agree.
TE!: I agree because the clean-up is amazingly easier because it’s already cleaned up.
Buz: Yeah. A lot of times like I don’t really last that long-in typical intercourse. But in oral sex situation, I can maintain for a bit longer and the pleasure is there for longer.
TE!: In actual sex, what would be your favorite position?
Buz: I like to be ridden. It’s always good from behind. You know, I’m pretty much standard.
TE!: Go with the classics?
Buz: Yeah, the classics.
Ken: Missionary, doggie…it’s all good.
TE!: I’m not into missionary because I’m lazy as shit. If I just lay there and she goes to town like I’m a fuckin’ bronco, cool.
Buz: I’m only going to be in there, for you know, 30 seconds. [Laughs]
TE!: Give her the best two minutes of her life, and get out man. Uh, how are the groupies tonight?
Buz: You know what? Not too good. It’s a lot of like 14-year-old.
TE!: Ah, that is dangerous.
Buz: Yeah, like some people might be into that, but as far as like when you see a movie like “Boogie Nights” and you see something like groupies that’s like hardcore. There’s none of that. It’s like just a bunch of kiddies coming out fighting each other and nobody gets laid.
Dave: Which city does have the best groupies?
Buz: Shit…I don’t know man. It’s like, there’s so few and far between when girls come out, really put out like are they really there like what “I’m gonna fuck somebody,” you know? But a lot of times, girls just hang out and just get in the way.
Ken: There was this girl from Chicago, I won’t mention her name but she was one of the best groupies because what she would do, she wouldn’t take up a spot on your guest list, you know? She’d show up with her own booze, get drunk, and just bang somebody up.
TE!: [Interrupts] Nice.
Ken: and then leave, you know? And it was like, “This girl’s the greatest, you know?”
TE!: [Laughs] Alright that sounds quite amazing.
Dave?: That sounds fantastic. You went back to your childhood and the question about that is what was the first porno you ever saw?
Buz: Uh, I wish I remembered the name. [Pauses] It was called, “Miami Spice.”
TE!: Oh yeah?
Buz: Yeah. It was like, you know, nice ‘80s porn, which I’m still kind of into today. Give me some like nice ‘80s porn, the whole look of it.
TE!: I’ll tell you my first, it was “Party Girls 3.” The thing that was the best was like this chick was getting banged in the dressing room at a beach, while there was this chick band cover of “Crazy Train” being played.
TE!: and I was just like that to me is how I want to get laid ALL the time.
Buz: Sounds hot. [laughs]
TE!: Um, what has been like the epitome of your drinking? What point were you just more drunk than ever before?
Buz: Um, probably very recently. I get drunk so much that it’s like, I don’t even know anymore.
TE!: Is that where you get the nickname, Buz?
Buz: That was from when I was into heroin. I used to get fucked up so much that they call me “Buz.”
Ken: Dude, you’re so buzzed. I’m like “Yeah, I just fuckin’ shot up, man.”
Buz: [Laughs] just shut the fuck up.
Someone else from Unearth: Yeah, just fuckin’ shut up.
TE!: I’ll have to remember that. You still haven’t talked about the drunkest you ever got.
Buz: I don’t know. It’s like, I usually control myself pretty good. I don’t really have too many drunk stories. I mean, I probably have a million but I can’t think of them right now.
TE!: That’s not very rock star of you. You have an image to uphold here.
TE!: Because you’re supposed to like float on water and all kinds of crazy shit.
Buz: It’s like endless parties and shit. Nah, you know, we drink 40s and shit. Just rage, get ignorant. Maybe kick a table over. Set off a fire extinguisher.
TE!: Have you guys ever gone like Pink Floyd on a hotel room?
Buz: Nah, no.
Buz: Unfortunately, no. The hotel rooms we get are through our guitar player’s, uh mom, works for Marriott, so they get us a deep discount. So what happened then, we’d like trash it; it would be…
Ken: [Laughs] No more discounts.
TE!: So, uh when does the acoustic album come out?
Buz: [Pauses] I don’t know, when people stop liking heavy music.
TE!: Gonna play the grandpa’s guitars?
Buz: The grandpa’s guitar?
TE!: That’s what they call it on Metalocalypse.
Buz: I’m not hip to that show.
Buz: Nah, dude.
TE!: What is your favorite show ever?
Buz: [Pauses] I got it, just give me a second. I’m falling back in my head between a couple of them. Favorite show ever? This is going to be wicked geek: Star Trek Next Generation.
TE!: Oh my god!
Buz: I was watching “Star Trek” when you came over here.
Dave: I was like, “No!”
TE!: In your face, in your face, in your face. David sucks, Star Trek rules! [Emperor’s Note: David and I had a conversation that as lame as you feel admitting it, Star Trek was the shit.]
Buz: Ah, that’s a wicked geek show.
TE!: Best show theme song ever?
Buz: Um…it’s gotta be “Cheers.”
Ken: (BG): Oh… [In awe.]
Buz: It’s classic.
TE!: You guys don’t really get drunk, but have you ever had an epic fight? Just like a brawl broken out that you’ve been a part of?
Buz: The other night actually on this tour, I’ve mixed it up a little bit. I don’t know. I don’t usually fight. I couldn’t fight my way out of a paper bag.
TE!: [Interrupts] that would be very awkward to watch.
Buz: [Laughs] Yeah, it would. We were in Lubbock, Texas and like a fight spilled over to our merch table and I heard our merch guy yell. He kicked the table over and I already had like a few beers, so I was like you know, so maybe I was feeling randy or whatever, so I jumped up on the pool table and I was just like, “Fuck it,” just jumped in and I grabbed the kid off the other kid, and next thing you know I’m punching some dude.
Buz: Punching their hands, I’m like “Whoa! That’d be awesome!” But it got squashed and I was like “Aw, that was really cool.”
TE!: Dave was in a bar fight, just the other day.
Dave: Yeah, just about a week ago. I tried to steer clear. Usually it’s like, I’d get knocked out. I don’t want to get stabbed either.
TE!: As a career, you spend your time entertaining people. What do you do to entertain yourself on the downtime?
Buz: Uh, usually just hang out with my dog, take him off to the woods.
TE!: What kind of dog?
Buz: Golden Retriever.
TE!: Good kind of dog.
Dave: That is a good kind of dog.
Buz: Got the woods party, drink some beers, have a bitchin’ kegger.
TE!: Does the dog drink beer?
Buz: Yeah, he loves beers.
Buz: But to entertain myself like it doesn’t really take much, you know? I still like playing guitar when I’m at home.
Dave: So what’s the difference between Boston metal and anything else?
Buz: I’ll let you in on a secret. There really is no Boston metal.
Dave: There is no Boston metal?
Buz: The metal scene in Boston proper is nonexistent. It’s like, there’s no all-ages shows in Boston.
Dave: I read that.
Buz: It’s like, when I was growing up you know, going to Hartford shows and what not, it was always a good time each weekend but there would always be beef and violence. It got to the point where the violence was so much that like promoters and club owners just like really tightened the noose on us. Now it’s like to the point where we won’t be having the show to the 21 plus and it’s like, you know a majority of hardcore metal fans are going to be under that so it’s like, nobody even plays Boston. Play Worcester which is like you know, 45 minutes west is where you know, the city just kind of central Massachusetts.
TE!: Were you guys affected by the uh, Disneyland telling House of Blues in Anaheim to go fuck themselves when it came to metal shows?
Buz: No, we were not affected that bad but that’s a bum off because both of those House of Blues are some of my favorite clubs.
TE!: Yeah, House of Blues Anaheim- free parking…
Buz: [Interrupts] Yeah, played some good shows there. The one in Disneyland or Disneyworld, the one in Florida is really cool.
Dave: Damn, the first time I saw you was at the one at Disneyland in Anaheim and it was amazing.
TE!: Do you have any questions for him?
Dave: No, I’m done.
TE!: Do you have any questions of us?
Buz: That was a great interview though.
TE!: You liked that?
Buz: I did. It’s not like usually it’s like “Hey man, so what’s up with the recording…”
Dave: Can we go get drunk?
TE!: Let’s do it.
Buz: Yeah, go get drunk.
– Interview conducted by Jonathan “The Emperor” Yost and Dave Gonzales