Well, here’s another band that I’ve frankly never heard, but this Garrett kid is alright by me. I went into this interview with absolutely no preparation into the band’s history, bio or personnel, but I think I did alright. Let us know what you think at Music@RacketMag.com.
Racket Jonathan: Does Senses Fail have anything to do with losing your eyesight due to self-love?
Senses Fail Garrett: No, but Buddy is a chronic masturbator.
RJ: Chronic, wow, guy’s got problems. What record do you think people would be most surprised to find in your collection?
SFG: Probably all my blues albums. BB King, Eric Clapton, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Buddy Guy, stuff like that. And then some classic rock like the Allman Brothers.
RJ: True or false: Dream Police by Cheap Trick is the best song ever?
SFG: False.
RJ: What is then, know-it-all?
SFG: Dude, that question is impossible to answer!
RJ: Is it? If someone were to call you the next Kurt Cobain, would you take it to mean they thought you were revolutionary, or that they thought you should kill yourself?
SFG: I would take it as to mean I should kill myself. I don’t like Nirvana.
RJ: Let’s say that Captain Jean-Luc Picard appeared to you in a dream and offered you mountains of fishsticks, how would you interpret the dream?
SFG: It would make me wake up and go get fishsticks. Wearing a Star Trek shirt!
RJ: That’s how I interpreted it, too! But I only had an SR-71 shirt. Why do you think people spend $30 on a faux-vintage shirt to give the impression they spent $2 at Goodwill? If I overpay for clothes, I want people to at least know of my frivolity. And seriously, I doubt you were even born when Motley Crue first toured, much less that you rocked out to them at the Omaha date. Fucking scene kids make me want to make membership in Heaven’s Gate mandatory for humanity.
SFG: Because one: they don’t get it, when they go to a show, it’s their time to shine, and two, they don’t know what to spend money on, and three, they’re idiots. I guess that would actually be number one.
RJ: You know how when you’re taking a liquidy shit, and it’s like water shooting out your asshole?
SFG: Yea yea yea.
RJ: Imagine someone doing that in your ear, and that’s what it’s like for me to listen to Hawthorne Heights. What band makes you feel this way?
SFG: Oh, wow. I guess I’d go with Hawthorne Heights, too.
RJ: Beer, wine, liquor or drugs?
SFG: Wine. Good stuff.
RJ: What’s your favorite kind of hamburger?
SFG: A plain hamburger. Actually, wait, roll a thing of butter into the middle, grill it with Jack Daniels sauce on it. Yea.
RJ: That sounds like an intense burger. Can we be BFF?
SFG: Sure.
RJ: Sweet. Did your father ever beat you with a bible?
SFG: No, that stuff’s not allowed in my house.
RJ: The bible, or child abuse?
SFG: Neither, but mostly the bible.
RJ: What is allowed then, like pitchforks and Anton LaVey posters?
SFG: Anything non-Christian. Stuff that’s based on facts, factual things are allowed.
RJ: When was the last time you were caught jerking off?
SFG: Never.
RJ: Wow! It sucks.
SFG: No, you have to situate yourself when you do that.
RJ: What socially irresponsible rap music do you support?
SFG: Everything Dr. Dre does.
RJ: If I ran for Sheriff of your town, would you vote for me?
SFG: Sure.
RJ: Rock. Are you down with MC Total Fresh?
SFG: No, I don’t know him.
RJ: Dude, it’s MC Total Fresh!
SFG: Alright, I’m down.
RJ: OK, what’s the lamest piece of underwear you own?
SFG: Every single pair. I buy like 20 of the same pair, so I guess I have 20 pairs of lame underwear.
RJ: What makes you “Hulk out”?
SFG: There’s a couple things. People who ask stupid fucking questions. The answers on the wall, and they have all the information, and they still ask.
RJ: Just to clarify, the same questions we are not asking. I saw you in another interview and you looked bored as fuck. I heard some stupid question about touring.
SFG: Exactly. Also! Now, I’m not the greatest guitarist, BUT, if you don’t know how to play a certain song the right way, don’t try to play it. Nothing’s worse than someone covering a song the wrong way.
RJ: Right. What are you most likely to yell when cut off?
SFG: Shit fuck!
RJ: Say something positive about us.
SFG: Racket doesn’t ask dumb shit.
RJ: Word.