Rise Against is one of the few bands still pumping out CDs that I really like. They did not save them from Racket’s unique brand of questions, however. With strange questions comes strange answers:
Racket Jonathan: Hi.
Rise Against Tim: Hello.
RJ: YOU TELL ME A JOKE!
RAT: What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common?
RJ: YOU TELL ME THE ANSWER!
RAT: Their biggest hit was the wall!
RJ: That’s awesome. Do you happen to know the slope of the Axis of Evil?
RAT: 3.14
RJ: Pi? Yea, probably. I’m sure it’s close to that. I was bluffing that I knew it. Who is your best wingman and why?
RAT: Sean Whisner, he was the sound guy for a band called the Mad Caddies and he helped me start a bonfire in Germany. We both got in trouble for it and got a bill for $600 for ruining stuff. He was my wingman for that.
RJ: That’s pretty rad. Have you ever used a beer bottle for an illicit purpose?
RAT: I made a Molotov cocktail out of one once and threw it at a movie rental store. It exploded on the window and caught fire.
RJ: What did they do to you.
RAT: They didn’t catch me.
RJ: No, no, what did they do to you to cause you to toss explosive beer bottles at them?
RAT: I never made a Molotov cocktail before.
RJ: Oh. I thought maybe they didn’t let you rent there or didn’t have Ninja Turtles 2 or something.
RAT: No, they had Ghost Dad, which is one of the most important movies of all time, so that was OK with me, I just had never made a Molotov cocktail before, and wanted to see what happened.
RJ: Who in the band masturbates the most?
RAT: Our merch guy, Keebler. (sees Keebler in the distance) Hey Keebler!
RJ: Does Keebler have free merch for me?
RAT: I don’t think so.
RJ: Never hurts to ask, learned that in Kindergarten. Bill and Ted 2 ruled (STATION!,) what’s your fav flick?
RAT: Right now I’m really into Network. He really isn’t going to take it anymore.
RJ: For sure. How do you feel about global warming?
RAT: Generally speaking, it’s a big issue.
RJ: I’m a big fan, myself. Swimming in December: completely natural. Do you think that Jesus could heat a burrito so hot that he himself couldn’t eat it?
RAT: You’d have to ask Underoath that question.
RJ: That Ron Weasley looking guy? Maybe. We declared war on Self-Esteem. How do you feel about that?
RAT: That’s a noble war.
RJ: Your feelings are ugly. If Bush can wage war on Terrorism or Envy or the color purple or whatever ideal he’s fighting, we can damn sure fight self-esteem. Why do you think being depressed is the newest, coolest thing?
RAT: Because Emo made it so. Emo is sad.
RJ: What is your favorite Billy Ray Cyrus song?
RAT: I don’t think I know a song of Billyy Ray’s
RJ: You know a Billy Ray Cyrus song.
RAT: I do?
RJ: Achy Breaky Heart.
RAT: Oh, I guess that’s the one I know, and being that it’s the one I know, it’s also my favorite.
RJ: When we interviewed Hawthorne Heights, they totally said they’d fight fourth graders, what group of the weak do you most like to pick on?
RAT: I guess it would have to be Anti-Flag, they’re all very frail individuals. I like to pick on them a little bit.
RJ: Percentage-wise, how metal would you say you are?
RAT: 62%
RJ: OK. Why the fuck should people buy your new record?
RAT: Because, umm, I’ll figure something out.
RJ: Not because you’ve got bills to pay and illegitimate children to support?
Racket Brandon: Because he’s on a rooftop, ready to fall. And you don’t want him to fall.
RAT: Yea, that’s it.