I arrived at the University Theatre and I called Danny from Heavy Heavy Low Low. He said he was across the street and to wait for him. Ten minutes later he calls me and I meet him in front of the venue. He takes me inside and we go get Robbie, and then start the interview on the stairs. Heavy Heavy Low Low loves their weed, but they love straight edge people. I had to ask before I started the interview.
Racket Jordan: What is your name and what do you do?
HHLL Robbie: My name is Robbie and I sing.
HHLL Danny: Danny, and I play guitar.
Racket Jordan: Have you Guys ever played cockball?
HHLL Robbie: CockBall? Where you like, throw the ball at someone’s nuts?
HHLL Danny: I played on a nude beach before [Laughs]
Racket Jordan: What nude Beach?
HHLL Danny: Uhh, one in Hawaii.
Racket Jordan: [Laughs]
HHLL Robbie: I’ve never played it.
Racket Jordan: Who gets the most action on tour?
HHLL Danny: [Laughs]
HHLL Robbie: Chip.
HHLL Danny: Yeah, definitely Chip
Racket Jordan: What kind of job did your parents want you to have?
HHLL Robbie: My parents were also supportive of what I’ve wanted to do.
HHLL Danny: Yeah same here.
Racket Jordan: That’s Cool. Some people aren’t as fortunate as you guys, and parents don’t want anything to do with them when they try to live out their dreams. Would you Rather have sex with a girl who’s really skinny with no ass and big boobs, or a really fat girl with a big ass and no tits?
HHLL Danny: [laughs] That’s such a hard decision. I’d probably fuck them both.
Racket Jordan: [laughs] You’re very confident.
HHLL Danny: Skinny girl with no ass and big boobs?
Racket Jordan: Yeah, big boobs.
HHLL Danny: Yeah I really don’t know. I have a girlfriend so…
Racket Jordan: It all works out then. So, who didn’t graduate from high school?
HHLL Danny: (RAISES HAND)
HHLL Robbie: [Points at Danny]
Racket Jordan: You’re the only one?
HHLL Danny: Alright, our real bassist is graduating right now.
Racket Jordan: Your “real” bassist? Is that one your MySpace says is under intense training!
HHLL Robbie: [laughs] Yeah!
Racket Jordan: What genius came up with Heavy Heavy Low Low?
HHLL Danny: Our friend Doug, actually, back home. We were just watching an As I Lay Dying video, kind of lame, but we’re just sitting there and he was like, “This shit’s fucking Heavy Heavy Low Low,” and we were looking for a name at the time. We were called Mother Fucking Black People…
Racket Jordan: [Laughs] Oh really?
HHLL Danny: Yeah, we were just a joke band.
Racket Jordan: Right.
Racket Jordan: Do you guys play guitar hero?
HHLL Danny: Yeah
HHLL Robbie: Umm, I’m not very good at it. I can only play the Black Sabbath song.
Racket Jordan: [laughs] Yeah, I can only play the Nirvana song on medium.
Racket Jordan: What are your thoughts on MySpace?
HHLL Robbie: Uhh, it is cool.
HHLL Danny: I don’t really have one anymore.
Racket Jordan: Ok, how come when I go to
heavylow.com it takes me to a search engine?
HHLL Danny: I wanna know that too.
HHLL Robbie: We haven’t paid, Uhh what do you call the thing?
Racket Jordan: the domain?
HHLL Robbie: Yeah that’s it. We haven’t paid the domain.
Racket Jordan: Alright, true or false: President Bush is the best president ever.
HHLL Robbie: False
HHLL Danny: True. [laughs] I voted for him in the last election, but I don’t know anything about all that stuff.
Racket Jordan: [laughs] So, then who has the 2008 vote?
HHLL Robbie: Uhh
HHLL Danny: Who’s running?
Racket Jordan: I got Hilary Clinton.
HHLL Danny: Is she running? [laughs]
Racket Jordan: Or there’s Barack Obama. We got the black man and the bitch.
HHLL Robbie: I’m voting for Arnold Schwarzenegger.
HHLL Danny: He is running?
HHLL Robbie: No [laughs]
(Editor’s note, Arnie can’t run, as he is not a natural born citizen of the United States. Now, you better not miss that question on your government final.)
Racket Jordan: Yeah, he would win if he ran.
HHLL Robbie: I’m not going to vote for a president.
HHLL Danny: Yeah, I don’t want a bitch leading this country. [laughs]
Racket Jordan: [laughs] All right thanks, I’m done.