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Remember that heavily tattooed lizard guy that was on Ripley’s Believe It Or Not once upon a time? Yeah–Lizardman started a band. No–we didn’t interview him. *disappointment* Instead, I had a chat with Lizard Skynard guitarist, Jagermeister lover, and former Heavils member, Mossy.  We talked chortling, Prop 19, and of course, Jager. The disappointment didn’t last long.

So why do you guys hate Anderson Cooper so much?
This is his [Lizardman’s] personal vendetta against Anderson Cooper. I’ve asked him a lot of times and others have asked him as to what it is exactly, and his response every time is “He knows what he did.”

Do you chortle?
…excuse me?

Do you chortle? You know,  chuckle and snort at the same time.
You know what, some times I do that. I did know what it was called. I thought you asked if I had a disease.

Prop 19—no or yes?
I’m all for it. I’m just waiting for that to happen in Illinois.

Do your parents use email?
No they don’t.

Even though Jagermeister takes like licorice marinated in cough syrup, why does it tastes so good?
Jagermeister tastes like money. I have a special love of Jagermeister. I think it tastes good with everything. I’ve mixed it with everything, and it always tastes delicious.

Have you ever done a strikeout
No, I’ve never done one. That’s my goal this week. Maybe next time I’m out in California, we’ll do a strikeout together.

I’m down for that.What’s the most rockstar thing you’ve ever seen someone do?
Bad or good?

Both.
…I saw someone hide on a tour bus once because he didn’t want to go out in public and talk to his fans.

And who was that?
Chris Barnes from Six Feet Under…if you wanna call him a rockstar.

Now here’s the Choose Your Own Adventure portion of the interview. You turn on your television at home, what channel do you flip to—“Glee” or “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia?”
Let’s go with “Glee”. I just saw my first episode a few days ago.

You see yourself on television, which featured artist are you playing?
I would like to see “Glee” do a whole Slayer episode. I’d have the kids use some “Raining Blood”, you know. That’d be great.

So Lizardman gets to be molded into a wax figure. What do you get to do?
I hope I get to attend a Ripley’s party and see what that’s all about. I asked him if we could get the whole band wax figured, and he laughed at us. Pretty nasty.

Seems like their parties would be pretty freaky.
I’ve done so many things with him. Even going into WalMart with Lizardman is an adventure. A Ripley’s party would be great.

Do you perform with the same guitar you used in the Heavils?
Yeah, it’s a 5-string fretless ’73 Gibson SG.

How much do your 220 friends on MySpace love you?
I don’t know how much they love us or they love the Lizard, but I definitely think the fans are into the band and not into the concept of the band.

Awkward interview question – I’m wearing a RUSH shirt. What are you wearing?
Right now I’m in a pair of dark jeans and a button-up khaki shirt.

Well, that’s boring. We’re going to move onto the social networking part of the interview. What would Trent Reznor tweet about your band? 140 characters or less. GO.
I think he would think the band is pretty cool if he could see us live, but if he just heard the name, he might not like the band.

I think that was more than 140 characters. Tell me about the Lizard Skynard debut album. 140 characters or less.
It will be a fresh listen for people and it’s very different.

Last words. 140 characters or less.
Lizard Skynard is the future of rock, Jim Morrison is a buffoon, and Lizardman is the true lizard king.

The Lizard Skynard debut album is out now on LizardSkynardBand.com. Buy it if you like music with “slithering, droning, lunging hardcore, heavily drenched in psychedelic feedback and effects.”

Anyone?

-Kateri Lirio