Is it weird that Racket interviewed a dude who does interviews? Probably. But, whatever. Who cares. Not us, that’s who.
Racket Jonathan: How much do madlibs rule?
DJ Rossstar: Madlibs rule but they are the funniest when you make them Porno Madlibs
Racket Jonathan: 100% correct.
Racket Jonathan: What’s your best pick up line? How many times has it worked?
DJ Rossstar: Hey. I have an internet radio show in which big bands like Fall Out Boy and New Found Glory come to my studio apartment that I rent from an older woman. Wanna come watch? Works every time.
Racket Jonathan: Slick. Possibly even smooth. Maybe a combination thereof: Smoock. That’s Racket’s contribution to the English language. Now you make up a word and use it correctly in a sentence.
DJ Rossstar: Tubical. Combination of tubular and radical. That snap bracelet is tubical.
Racket Jonathan: Word. Would you ever get in a knife fight with Uncle Kracker?
DJ Rossstar: I would swim through his veins like a fish in the sea.
Racket Jonathan: Does that translate into you want to be inside him? Cuz that’s gross.
DJ Rossstar: No! It is from his one hit song. Perv.
Racket Jonathan: I don’t listen to crap, so I wouldn’t know. How do you refer to your johnson?
DJ Rossstar: Magic-Johnson. Get it?
Racket Jonathan: I get it, but you know he’s got AIDS, right? Though being six foot 9 and black probably makes up for it.
DJ Rossstar: I know. Maybe I should have referenced those old Big Johnson T-Shirts from the 90’s
Racket Jonathan: Weirdest thing to ever happen to you?
DJ Rossstar: Definately NOT this interview. Haha.
Racket Jonathan: Good, I don’t want to weird you out or anything. Will you tell all your MySpace friends to add our MySpace?
DJ Rossstar: Yes. When you pubish our interview.
Racket Jonathan: Rocking. We’re total MySpace whores. How do you prepare your macaroni and cheese?
DJ Rossstar: I used Easy Mac. I put one packet in the microwave for 5 minutes….It sits for a minute…then I stir.
Racket Jonathan: Why would you shun everything good in this world for the false idol that is Easy Mac?
DJ Rossstar: What else would you recommend for dinner? I usually have Easy Mac, Veggie Corn Dogs and Ready To Go Shrimp.
Racket Jonathan: I hate Easy Mac with a passion, it’s already easy to make, you boil and stir in the shit it tells you to. Corn dogs rule, though, so even though they’re veggie ones, I’ll let you off the hook.
Racket Jonathan: Can you give me three reasons that Reconstruction failed?
DJ Rossstar: 1. I don’t know what that is. 2. Cause I wasn’t part of it. 3. Who Wrote Holden Caulfield?
Racket Jonathan: 1) It was the failed attempt to rebuild the South after the Civil War. 2) Fair enough. 3) The song? Piebald. However, Holden Caulfield was the main character in Catcher in the rye by J.D. Salinger. Is that what you’re talking about?
DJ Rossstar: It’s a Green Day song from Kerplunk. GD is my favorite band of all time. Not a Piebald song. Hey! You’re part of it! I know it is a book! Screeching Weasel also has a song called ” I Wrote Holden Caulfield.”
Racket Jonathan: Dickfart, I know about Screeching Weasel. Piebald also wrote a song by the same name. Do you consider yourself even a little bit racist?
DJ Rossstar: Never…you offended me when you asked me about Uncle “Cracker”
Racket Jonathan: I’m not ashamed of my actions. Are you double jointed, or do you have any other physical abnormality?
DJ Rossstar: Don’t think so. My head is quite large. (not the ego!)
Racket Jonathan: No, Carson Daly’s head is abnormally large. Both he and Celine Dion are like lifelike bobbleheads. It’s disgusting. Have you heard any good jokes lately?
DJ Rossstar: Who is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? (Say it outloud) Banananaaaaaaaaaaa
Racket Jonathan: I’m pretty sure I will always say banana as bananana. Bananananana…BANANARCHY!
Racket Jonathan: What’s your dream car?
DJ Rossstar: One with Elisha Cuthbert in it and has Green Day playing live in the back.
Racket Jonathan: So, a Hummer.
DJ Rossstar: Sicko!
Racket Jonathan: What? Whatever. What’s your biggest regret when it comes to getting rid of something you owned?
DJ Rossstar: Wondering if I am going to need it in the future even though it has collected dust and caused me allergies.
Racket Jonathan: I read that you met Van Stone, how fucking crazy are those guys? Did the singer wear ass-less chaps to the interview?
DJ Rossstar: No, but they wore everything else that you see in their stage show. It was very crazy! They were doing body shots off chicks in my room while I was trying to ask questions!
Racket Jonathan: Dude! Did you join in? That’s awesome! They’re the number three metal band in Palmdale!
DJ Rossstar: Yeah, I know, Stupid Skurge and Wingjammer.
Racket Jonathan: Fuck those dudes, Van Stone rules.
-Jonathan Yost