2015 was a shitty year. Part of that was my own damned fault. I got stuck in the monotony of work/sleep in weekends/work/sleep in weekends/leave dishes in the sink/generally not get anything done but work and sleeping in on the weekend. This year, I’m not trying to list out any half-assed resolutions, as I know attempting changes cold-turkey doesn’t work for me. Instead, moderation between the extremes is pretty appealing to me. This year, I plan on not being a sad sack of workaholic shit. So far, I’m off to a good start. Along with my wife, I’ve managed to redecorate the living and dining room, alphabetize a shitload of records, get rid of a bunch of shit, and not eat like utter shit. Doesn’t sound like much, but like I said, it’s a start.
A lot of people throw out “getting fit” as a resolution. I’m not here to give them shit, but most of the time that is a generic statement with no concrete goals, or worse yet, unrealistic goals. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get less fat, too, but that’s my goal: get less fat. I wear a size 40 waist, which seems to be the cutoff for most of the pants at Target. So, that’s my goal: be less fat enough to be able to find my pant size at Target most of the time. Apparently, there are tons of companies and tools out there to help me actually get less fat, or at least make me feel like I’m not a complete dweeb while attempting this. Let’s check them out, shall we?
Timex Metropolitan+ Watch
I think Fitbits look awful. It’s far too techy for me. However, I love the idea that it makes moving around a competition with yourself. Enter the Timex Metropolitan+ watch. It utilizes an app on your phone that syncs to the watch via Bluetooth to track your steps. Rather than double-tapping your Fitbit like an overzealous Instagram fiend, you glance at an analog gauge that shows you how your are tracking towards your daily goal of not being a lazy slouch. I love that it turns douchy fashionable. $125
Ruffwear Approach Pack for Dogs
I have a beagle and a husky, both down for hiking and camping. Together, we have been all of California, from the Eastern Sierras to the Mojave Desert. While it’s hard enough to keep Turbo, the beagle, in a harness, Gozer The Destructor is more than happy to not only wear a harness, but he’s worn bandanas, sunglasses, and hats. That’s why I’ve added the Ruffwear Approach pack to my list. Getting my exercise is a helluva lot more satisfying when I have my furry friends around, but they can carry their own damned water. $80
Any of the Outdoors MancratesI don’t know how I found these dudes, but I love them for nothing if not the Troutdoorsman portmanteau. While they are called “man crates,”I know my wife would fight me for more than half the crap in them because she’s a badass. I might be a “grown up,” but giving me toys that actually tools that I can only play with outside and not sitting on my ample booty is something I am A-OK with. The Crate Outdoors has a hammock, which is great for when your asthmatic ass gets to the majestic vista point of a hike you were ill-prepared for. $80-$180
If I’m going to get off my ass and onto my feet, I want to be both comfortable and stylish. And let’s face it, the new Star Wars is the shit and if you don’t want some sweet Star Wars socks, you’re probably a communist infiltrator. $20
The Arcade Belt Company Blackwood Belt
Losing weight’s gonna make me look at my belt a lot, so I’ll want one that doesn’t suck. The Blackwood Adventure belt from Arcade Belts looks legit. Has a cool looking clip-thing for a buckle and has trees on it, which will always sucker me in. Speaking of sucking in, $26
Well, I hope you’re inspired to make your own changes in your life as you see fit. I could care less if you’re scrawny, average, or chubby, but I do, for some reason, hope that you are happy and healthy. Whatever your goals are, I hope they lead you to happiness. Or at least some of these sweet tools and accessories.
-Jonathan Yost