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l_d907f35a18337df64e162e2500ad21b6.jpgSSS stands for ShortSharpShock…unless you find out the true meaning contained within this interview. SSS is the exact kind of music I normally don’t like: people yelling at me. I didn’t do it, so stop it, stop yelling. Dude’s are gunna pop a vein in their brain, I swear to God. Here’s Mark, bass player extraordinaire telling us what’s what.

The Emperor!: What are some of your stereotypes of the American people?
Mike: American stereotypes – Fat, loudmouthed, obnoxious, no passport, drive 4 litre [Emperor’s note: Ha! Get it, he’s British!] 4x4s to the shop to buy enormous bottles of Coke, carry side arms, idiots. I’ve been to America many times, like it a lot, and find only 3 of these stereotypes to be true.

TE!: Are you married? If so, is she hot? If not, are you gay? I’m not judging if you are.
Mike: I’m not married or gay. SSS has one married member and one gay one. I’m not saying which is which.

TE!: What are some of your pet peeves? Mine include people who have never seen Wayne’s World and people who take the high-angled MySpace pictures of themselves, even if they are with a group of people fully capable of taking a picture of them.
Mike: People who get into my car and leave their empty chocolate wrappers and rubbish, like it’s a bin on wheels should be burned alive. This includes the rest of my band.

TE!: Eff them. What album are you embarrassed to own?
Mike: I’m not embarrassed to own any album, and I hate it when people have “guilty pleasures.” I own all kinds of crap albums though. For instance, I have two copies of the first Winger LP, and I’m not exactly sure why.

01212.jpgTE!: Were there any other band names in the running before you decided on SSS? Maybe Super Sweet Supper or Sensible Sassy Studs? Is there a hint at an undying love of alliteration?
Mike: SSS stands for Simply Soft Skin. I’m not a huge fan alliteration, cos I’m crap at tongue twisters. I get confused.

TE!: Did you ever pursue higher education? If so, what was your field of study? The School of Hard Knocks does not count.
Mike: I did a few years studying lighting/sound and stage management for theatres, but Foxy and Dave are the only two members of SSS with university degrees.

TE!: What celebrity have you always wanted to bang? It does not have to be current, as I would love to slay Molly Ringwald in 16 Candles, but not in that show she was just in.
Mike: Loads of middle aged TV presenters on British TV. In the USA, I’d love to ransack Christina Aguilera, as well as most birds that have been on telly, on films or have had records out.

TE!: Past or present, who would you like to punch square in the face? Just one punch, no repercussions. Why?
Mike: The lad out of Nickleback. Why not?

TE!: Fair enough. Do you have any nerd tendencies? World of Warcraft? Dress up like a storm trooper?
Mike: I like Star Wars, but not like those obsessive geeks. I just think they’re good, fun films. I hate anything to do with fantasy, so World of Warcraft is out. Anything with wizards, flying horses, chainmail or sandals needs to be flushed down the toilet.

TE!: The other day I heard a girl refer to Falcor from The Neverending Story as a flying dog, and a particularly nerdy person yelled “HE WAS A LUCK DRAGON!” Do you think he will ever get laid?
Mike: As soon as that lad sees a vagina he will forget all about luck dragons. [Editor’s note- Don’t let The Emperor! fool you. Just the other day he was yelling at me for referring to Atreyu as “that wimpy kid.”][Emperor’s note – Shut up, Caitlin!]

TE!: With having friends that are pro skaters, do you get all the free skate shit you want? Can I have some?
Mike: We’ve had some free shoes and bits and bobs of clothing from Vans courtesy of Geoff Rowley. Foxy gets new stuff for his wooden toy a lot. And no, you can’t have any.

TE!: Bust. Dude, these garlic bagel chips I stole from the break room at work are amazing. What’s your snack food of choice?
Mike: At the minute I go to a Caribbean take away place and eat festivals, dumplings and saltfish fritters. Garlic bagel chips sound grim.

TE!: Did I miss anything important?
Mike: Nah, I think you asked everything that important to us. Listen to us- www.myspace.com/shortsharpshockuk.