Protest the Hero is a pretty rad band. The only thing even more rad is conducting an interview in a van after their set with singer Rody and speaking nothing of their record and only once about tour. Instead we spoke of Straight edge Muslims, comic books and drugs… fun times!
RacketJeff: Alright, man, what’s the stupidest question you’ve ever been asked?
Protest The Hero Rody: I got this question in Vancouver the other day; it was one of those “would you rather” questions, which are lame in the first place.
RacketJon: Crap, I think we have one of those.
PTHR: Well, I don’t remember the exact question, but it was more the concept of her question that was just fucking stupid.
RacketJeff: Well, here’s a stupid question, which hero are you protesting?
PTHR: Wolverine.
RacketJon: Ooo!
PTHR: I’m kidding.
RacketJon: No way, man, that fucker’s everywhere!
PTHR: That’s because he’s sick, man. He throws down, he’s badass.
RacketJeff: Personally, I’m protesting the Hulk, because that movie blew.
PTHR: Can I protest Elektra?
RacketJon: Yes. Very yes.
PTHR: That sucked so bad!
RacketJeff: She was hot though!
RacketJon: There’s a “would you rather,” Elektra or Jean Grey?
PTHR: Oooh, The Phoenix…
RacketJon: Mystique, man, Mystique. Anyone you want, and it’s not cheating!
PTHR: Anyone you want, hmm…
RacketJon: Dibs!
RacketJeff: What’s a question you’ve never been asked, but want the world to know?
PTHR: No one’s ever asked me if I was more into the original Star Trek or The Next Generation and the answer is the Original.
RacketJon: WHAT!? NO!
PTHR: Yea!
RacketJeff: I dunno, man, Kirk was a way better ladies man.
RacketJon: Granted, but a fat Scotsman, an emo doctor and the commie? The TNG team was way better.
PTHR: So you’re saying the Geordi was better?
RacketJon: Worf would kick everyone’s ass at once and Data’s always down to throw blows.
PTHR: Worf turns into a total pussy in Deep Space Nine.
RacketJon: Good thing we’re not talking about DS9.
PTHR: That’s true.
RacketJeff: The fact that you like Star Trek scares me; I’m a Star Wars fan.
RacketJon: What’s with the idea that it has to be one or the other?
RacketJeff: No, you can like them both, I just like Star Wars. Personally, I could never get into Star Trek. (It should be noted that Jeff has ADD, bad. – RacketBoss)
RacketJon: C3PO was so totally gay for R2.
PTHR: That’s true; Luke was pretty gay, too.
RacketJon: He’s such a whiny emo bitch! “But I want to go into toooowwwwnnn.”
RacketJeff: Tell me one thing that makes Canadians cooler than Americans.
PTHR: Pot.
RacketJon: False, Canadians aren’t cooler than Americans.
PTHR: Wolverine. He was Canadian.
RacketJon: Yea, yea. Alkali Lake and shit.
RacketJeff: If you could be any flavor of ice cream, what would you be and why?
PTHR: Some kind of deep fried banana chocolate mint.
RacketJon: Why?
PTHR: Cuz.
RacketJeff: Would you rather snort cocaine off of a hooker’s ass, or smoke out with Snoop?
RacketJon: Sorry for the “would you rather” question.
PTHR: Nah, this is a good one. Umm, you know… I’m always down for some chron-do, but I wanna snort coke off a hooker’s ass just so I can say I did. I mean, that’s just so absolutely trashy, I have to do it!
RacketJeff: Hell yea, dude. I got fucking wasted last night and shit myself
PTHR: Yes! (laughter)
RacketJeff: What’s your worst drunken experience?
PTHR: Well, I was drunk at this show, and this girl was coming on to me, and we went back to her house, which was this Mormon sister house. She told me that guys weren’t supposed to be in there, so when she opened the door, I had to run up the stairs and into her room right away. Well, we have sex and it turns out the condom broke. She told me that since she was a Mormon, she couldn’t have an abortion. I told her that she just wasn’t that hot, and so I wasn’t going to get married to her. Around six in the morning and she wakes me up saying that everyone knew I was there and she told me to get out before I was arrested. I was all like “On what grounds?” She said she’d seen it before. Now I thought I was on 14th street and so used bondo-slut’s phone and I called my buddies and told them where I was and to come pick me up. When I got down the street, I found out I was on 80th street. It took my friends like 3 hours to find me and now I may have a kid out there.
RacketJeff: You don’t know?
RacketJon: BONDO-SLUT!
PTHR: Nah, this was like a year ago.
RacketJeff: Wow, that’s a great story. Which celebrity would you most wanna fuck?
PTHR: The Olsen Twins
RacketJeff: Both of them or just the crack head one?
PTHR: Mostly the crack head one… I mean she fucking has it coming to her… then we can snort coke off a hooker’s ass afterwards! (laughter)
RacketJeff: If you could hang out with anyone in anytime in history, who would it be and why?
PTHR: Ummm…
RacketJeff: Now remember, you have a time machine, you can hang with anyone at any time…
PTHR: Oh, then I’d like to travel back in time and hang out with Rob Halford… circa 1986 before he came out of the closet. Cuz then I could be the first one to tell everyone he’s gay and disappoint everyone. I love disappointing people!
RacketJeff: Me too, kinda like sex!
PTHR: Ha-Ha, but seriously, think about all these people wearing leather and chains who idolize Halford going… “This is gay? FUCK!” (laughter)
RacketJeff: Seriously, its like, how do you not know?
RacketJon: No way, man, assless pants and metal spikes and shit are totally straight.
RacketJeff: Rock. What’s your favorite part about a porno?
PTHR: The pop shot.
RacketJon: Pop-Shot? Is that same as the money shot? I’ve never heard of it referred to as a pop-shot
PTHR: Well yeah, I used to work in the industry. It’s an industry term. We’re all really into porno. We were staying at this hotel a few weeks ago and ordered a porno, and they left out the pop shot. So naturally I was pissed and complained the front desk. I simply told them, hey we kinda ordered an adult film and you left out the best part. I expressed how dissatisfied we were. It was cool because we ended up getting free porno for the rest of the evening, minus the pop shots, which was kinda shitty cuz you had a bunch of dudes sitting around with fucking hard-ons and no pop shots to finish us off.
RacketJeff: Did you guys have sword fights then?
PTHR: No! But that’s a good idea, I’ll remember that shit for next time. We did “cross the stream” a bit though! (laughter)
RacketJeff; Best non-sexual story involving a naked girl.
PTHR: I was at this metal show, and there were these drunken chicks were flashing their tits and one girl got carried away and got naked. She bent all the way over and this guy came up and slapped her ass and she just fell and ate shit. It was her fucking birthday and she ended up all kinds of bloody.
RacketJeff: What’s your favorite video game?
PTHR: I’ve been playing the 50 Cent game a bunch.
RacketJeff: Really?
PTHR: Yeah man, it’s pretty fucking cool. I mean I get to shank and shoot people, kick them when they are down, teal cars and stuff. It’s fun. Plus, I don’t feel so bad saying “Nigga” while I’m playing it! (laughter)
RacketJon: -ger or – ga?
PTHR: Oh, -GA!
RacketJon: Gotcha.
RacketJeff: Plus I heard you guys got “Fitties” Lawyer for your guitar player…
PTHR: Yeah, it’s fucking crazy!
RacketJeff: Ok, so tell me… who was the last member of your band to be stopped at the Canadian border? (Note: Both RacketBoss and I already got the scoop from PTH’s tour manager Mike, we just thought it was funny to mention in the interview)
PTHR: Ha-Ha, well… That would be Luke.
RacketJon: What happened?
PTHR: Well, it’s funny because we are all major fucking potheads in the band, but Luke usually doesn’t partake… Well, just before the last tour, he decided to buy a sack of weed and go out to this cabin with his girlfriend and smoke weed. Really though, it was hardly any at all. Well, when he was done, he put the EMPTY sack of weed in his backpack. When we were trying to cross the border, we all got searched and they found the empty sack. Ha-Ha, there was seriously only dust practically, not even enough for a small buzz, but he got nailed anyway. They fined him for having .2 grams of weed and charged him 200 bucks and we were on our way.
RacketJeff: Ok, then why no Luke tonight?
PTHR: I’m getting there… So we finish the tour and go back home, then we go on another and cross the border, then we come home, then we cross the border again, then we go home, and finally when we crossed the border on this tour, they pulled him up and there was this glitch in the system which stated he got caught with 2 grams rather than .2 grams. Since that amount is technically enough to sell, they wouldn’t let him back through. It sucks because we had to cancel that one show and figure out what was going on. That’s when we got 50Cent’s lawyer and are trying to get Luke back into the states. It really sucks because he isn’t the stoner at all, but got nailed.
RacketJeff: Ok, so Jake from Strung Out filled in last night and tonight for Luke. How did this come about?
PTHR: It’s really weird actually. I guess He’s a huge fan of the band, like so many people have told us they heard of us because of him. He’s always telling everyone about us. I guess when he found out about Luke, he had mentioned something about filling in, and we were like “Yeah Right”. Well, we gave it a shot and called him up anyways and he said yes. So we all go to Simi Valley to their practice space, which is fucking amazing because this is where all the older Strung Out, Pulley and Ten Foot Pole records were written, I mean that’s like fucking childhood memories for us. There were all these people there from these bands that we looked up to as children. We taught Jake all the songs in a matter of 2 days. He’s a fucking amazing guitarist and it was a total honor to have him fill in for Luke.
RacketJeff: How much free shit do you wanna give us?
PTHR: As much as you want!
RacketJon: Really?
PTHR: Yeah, why the fuck not? I’m having fun; I’m just going with it. Besides I’m not gonna lose out and at least some rad guys will be reppin’ our shit!
RacketJeff: I’m down with that!
RacketJeff: Does Axl need to stop fucking around and just hire Izzy and Slash again?
PTHR: Axl just needs to shoot himself in the fucking head and get it over with!
RacketJeff: Whoa!
PTHR: Do I need to explain why?
RacketJeff: No, but do it anyways.
PTHR: I mean back in the day he was a fucking god. No one was doing what he was doing, and then all of a sudden he had braids in his hair… that kinda killed it for me.
RacketJeff: So anyone who has braids need to die?
PTHR: Well mostly, but especially if your Axl! The braids, man. Those stupid braids.
RacketJon: Agreed. The braids need to go. They’ve always needed to go.
RacketJeff: Beavis or Butthead, and what does your choice say about you?
PTHR: You know… I’m gonna have to say Beavis, because he is so fucking retarded. I mean, they are both retarded, but Beavis is like the supreme retard!
RacketJon: And what does that say about you?
PTHR: I like to fuck retards! So Beavis it is!
RacketJon: Hmm.
RacketJeff: Isn’t Boondocks Saints the best movie ever?
PTHR: It’s up there!
RacketJeff: Then what’s your top movie?
PTHR: Moulin Rouge
RacketJon: Ummm, really?
PTHR: Yeah dude… it’s a great movie. I mean Nicole Kidman is a horrible actor and a shitty singer, you can totally here the tome changes in her music and the over production while she sings, but the set is all old German and stuff, pretty cool shit. But seriously, Moulin Rouge is a good movie, but my all time favorite movie is Army of Darkness.
RacketJon and RacketJeff in unison: WORD!
RacketJeff: Since fundamentalist Muslims are all straightedge, do you think there’s a terrorist out there who spell it xAlxQuedax?
PTHR: Oh, yea! They’re all doing this (attempts to do windmills in the van) going “ALLAH! ALLAH!”
RacketJon: Floor punch the infidels!
*Everyone laughs at those silly terrorists*
RacketJeff: Okayyyy, dude. Is “straight edge” just another word for “underage?”
PTHR: I think Straightedge is just another word for “annoying”. I mean seriously. If I smoke, that’s my deal. I don’t need someone telling me what to do. If you wanna be straightedge and not do shit, fucking great, but don’t rub it in my face. (lights up a cigarette)
RacketJeff: I agree! (Lights up cigarette of his own)
RacketJeff: What’s your favorite way to kill a prostitute?
PTHR: Dolla bills baby!
RacketJeff: Umm OK?
PTHR: Seriously, I’d just shove dollar bills in every orifice I could find… including the ones I made myself!
(laughter)
PTHR: But seriously, have you ever stuck your penis into a fresh cut wound?
RacketJeff: Umm, can’t say I have
PTHR: Man, there’s nothing like it… it’s all warm and well….
RacketJeff: OK, last question. Describe your band in four words or less.
PTHR: Pothead, Pathetic, facial-hair, Canadians… yep, that about sums it up I think!
(Laughter)
RacketJeff: Word!
Needless to say we went back into the glasshouse to checkout the rest of the show, but not before we cashed in on all our free shit. Overall the night was fun, and I was pleasantly stoked to meet Rody and hang with him for a few. It was kinda like looking into the mind of a sick freak. I cannot wait to see them with all the original members… still definitely one of my favorite bands for sure. Checkout all tour dates and info at www.protestthehero.com or www.myspace.com/protestthehero.