So, as with all of our gift guides, I’ve compiled a shit-ton of stuff that I really want. So, friends, family or that hot co-ed down the hall, I’m sure someone you know will want anything or everything on this here guide. So, here you go, the guide to awesome stuff that will make your girlfriend forget about that time you fell asleep during your girlfriend’s tirade about her boss.
Audio/Video Tech
Chambers by RZA
So, of course there’s the beats by Dre, but I had a friend hand over her Chambers by RZA and I was blown away. Sure, there’s something to be said in regards to the different bass responses (Dre’s is a bit thumpier, RZA’s a bit more jazz-bass), different styles (RZA’s are less gaudy in the branding) and the entire East Coast-West Coast bullshit, but my friend’s smelled like the weed she kept in the case, so that kind of sealed it for me. (http://wesc.com/chambersbyrza)
Mophie
Between the constantly playing music and the Words With Friends sessions while I’m on the shitter, my iPhone battery doesn’t last a whole day. Enter the Mophie, the case that’s also a battery. With an extra charge built into the case (though it’s powered by a USB connection rather than the iPod’s normal connector), the Mophie can provide all the porn viewing, I mean, Words With Friends that your little heart desires. They also make these things for other phones, if that’s your thang. (http://www.mophie.com/)
GoPro
The camera that was invented for surfers enters it’s third generation with the GoPro Hero3. I don’t give a shit who it was designed for, I want one. Not so I can record my extreme sports adventures, but so that I can hook that shit up to my dog to see where he gets this mud that keeps coating his fucking face. I want the black edition to see this shit in 12MP HD glory. DEAR GOD, WHERE IS IT COMING FROM?!? (http://gopro.com/hd-hero3-cameras)
Media
The Faint Box Set
Saddle Creek’s dankest act release a re-mastered edition of their infamous Danse Macabre on CD and vinyl. Embrace your inner goth-hipster and blare it at your next “low-key hang-out” and turn it into your next high-energy dance-a-thon. (http://saddle-creek.com/store/550)
Indiana Jones Blu-Ray Box Set
Look. I know the last one sucked. I know that. But don’t discount the original trilogy in all it’s hi-definition glory. Behold Professor Jones’ ability to pick the proper chalice, giggle as Nazi’s faces melt off and watch Short Round… be Asian or whatever. The set comes with all the Blu-Ray bonuses of digitally re-mastered movies, deleted scenes, commentary and probably some added Ewoks or some shit. (http://www.indianajones.com)
Rage Against The Machine 20th anniversary edition
What the fuck do you mean this shit was 20 years ago? Is that right? That can’t be right. Was I eleven when I was rocking RATM… HOLY SHIT. I have had awesome taste for a long ass time. Rage Against The Machine are still, decades later, one of my favorite acts, both live and recorded. With the Deluxe Box Set, you can hear both, as the set comes with bonus live tracks, the original demos and a DVD of videos and bonus footage. SOMEONE GET THIS FOR ME, ASAP!
Thrice Boxset
I am one of the many dumbasses who didn’t get into Thrice when I had time to. Having seen one of their farewell tour stops, I can tell you that I am truly disappointed in myself. However, I can relive the power of that show by having one of you buy me Anthology (on vinyl, notch). Two dozen tracks spanning their career makes it a solid choice whether you picked up Identity Crisis at one of their first shows or just recently got your grubby little hands on Beggars. (http://www.thrice.net/)
BioShock Infinite
This game WILL rule and I WOULD have ignored my girlfriend for it, but since she said she would ignore it for me, we instead decided to get drunk and take turns playing and pointing wildly at the TV screen screaming “WATCH OUT!!” BioShock brings couples together. FACT. Hopefully you shell out the cash for the Ultimate Songbird edition, which contains the sweet-as-fuck statue, too. (http://www.bioshockinfinite.com/?RET=&ag=true)
Superman Vs Spiderman XXX
A movie featuring some of your favorite DC and Marvel characters humping each other’s brains out. If you’ve ever thought of superheroes fucking, well, my friends, here’s the smut for you. Andy San Dimas is always close to my boner, wait, I mean heart, as I used to live in San Dimas. San Dimas High School Football RULES!!! Also, I think we’ll find out if Lois Lane can handle Supermans super-jizz, let’s see if Randall or Dante were right on that debate.
Clothes
Timber!
2 words: beards and bears. Gimme gimme.
(http://www.etsy.com/shop/timberps)
DPCTED
You’ve seen ’em, shirts made for the tattooed, chubby, bearded, and bald men in your life. I am chubby and tattooed, so obviously I want one, too. $15 for a shirt, $40 for a hoodie. Me, I want the “If the shirt ain’t tight, the chubby ain’t right” hoodie. Sign up for their email newsletter for 10% off at DPCTED.com
Mighty Fine
This mecca of pop culture has contests for designers, allowing people to pick the best culture mash-ups and tributes one could hope for. From art nouveau Marvel villains to pop-art Star Trek to aTransformers/Mega-Man 8-bit homage, We Love Fine has tons of shit that I want. (http://WeLoveFine.com)
TOYS & FUN
Domo Qee figures
I love the 2″ Qee Domo toys. I love the stupid little “OH MY GOD, WHAT WILL I GET” moments as I get the sealed box, I love the fun little poses I can make him do at a baseball game, at the movies or in the office. It helps get over the embarrassment that Domo is beloved all over the office, including my custom-made (and not sold, don’t sue me) Domo “There’s No Crying in Baseball” poster. Here are the best my kid needs that’s picks for this year. Anyways, these fun little figures can be found all over the place, from comic shops to toy stores to Barnes and friction’ Noble. Or, you can buy me a giant box of the new series from Dark Horse (http://www.darkhorse.com/Products/Previews/22-560)
Transformers
I recently got to play with one of the new Transformers toys and, well, I want one. By one I mean all of them. Someone buy me all of them. (http://www.hasbrotoyshop.com)
Nanodots Mega
Since the federal government currently has its head up its ass, my beloved Nanodots are currently on hold… but not Nanodots Mega! 3x the diameter as the normal ones, Nanodots Mega can still be used to build tons of cool shit, some of which you can find on the premier (only?) site for magnetic dot constructs: Dotpedia.com. Now that I got the Nanopad, a crazy little workspace for these things, I could REALLY go for nanodots to be greenlit by the gov’mint. Until then, MEGA! (http://www.nanodots.com/products/mega)
Gifts for others
Daytrotter subscription
This music subscription is $24 a year and allows for downloads/streaming of hundreds of sort-of-acoustic tracks of bands ranging from Mumford and Sons to Tegan and Sara to Gallows to Gogol Bordello. You can get a subscription for yourself (You greedy bastard) or buy one as a gift for someone you love/are trying to sleep with. Lately they’ve been offering free limited-edition vinyl splits of some of their sessions, so get in on that. Oh, and if you refer some friends, you can get free stuff with their Horsepower program. (http://www.daytrotter.com/)
Kidney for POS
POS is awesome. His kidneys: not so much. He released a YouTube video saying that he had to cancel the tour for his new release We Don’t Even Live Here where he kept apologizing like he knocked my sister up or something. Pitch in money so that POS can get a new kidney so that I can see him rock a mic right again. (http://www.youcaring.com/fundraiser_details?url=stefneedsanewkidney&fundraiser_id=12371)
It Gets Better
Apparently there are a good chunk of people who don’t think the LGBT community deserves to be considered people. It Gets Better is an organization who tells bullied kids that those dipshits bullying them suck balls. http://www.itgetsbetter.org/
MONEY
$100 bills
These are awesome. Give me some.
$20 bills
I will also take some of these.
$2 bills
My grandpa gives these out whenever someone compliments him. I know, it’s weird. But he IS having a great hair day. Cha-ching.
Beer
With the rise of microbreweries and craft breweries, I’ve now gone from visiting famous landmarks in the cities I visit to the breweries. Hangar 24, Firestone Walker, Deschutes and Karl Strauss, I’ve loved something from them all. Whatever brewery you have around you, send me some of the beer from there. I meant send your friends and family some. Or whatever.
-Jonathan Yost