Jesus Christ, there are a lot of albums. We don’t even get one percent of them, and we still get tons of shit to review. And I’m busy, maaaaan, I gotta go make nachos and drink these SWEET fucking beers I got from Shmaltz Brewing (Jewbelation Reborn and the Death of a Contract Brewer), so here’s some quickies:
I Killed The Prom Queen
Beloved
Epitaph
5/10
I have no fucking clue what any of the lyrics are.
NOFX
Stoke Extinguisher
Fat Wreck Chords
7/10
It’s NOFX, you know how it is.
The Avett Brothers
Magpie and the Dandelion
American Records
8/10
Listen to this if you want to hump a hippie chick.
Maria Taylor
Something About Knowing
Saddle Creek
8/10
If you don’t think you want to hump hippie chicks, listen to this, you’ll definitely wanna hump hippie chicks.
NGHBRS
Twenty One Rooms
Paper & Plastick
9/10
Even though their name looks like a Words With Friends nightmare, they rule at straightforward dive bar rock.
Teenage Bottlerocket
American Deutsch Bag
Fat Wreck Chords
9/10
My only bitch is that it’s too short.
The Head and the Heart
Let’s Be Still
SubPop Records
8/10
Makes me wanna go camping and stare at mountains and streams and birds and shit.
Skinny Puppy
The Greater Wrong Of The Right
Nippon Crown
4/10
It sounds like Kraftwerk is on drugs and trying to re-do the soundtrack for The Matrix Revolutions.
Jewbelation Reborn
Shmaltz Brewing
10/10
Thank God I’ve gone back and checked everything in the morning, because 17% beer kicks you square in the brain.
Death of a Contract Brewer
Shmaltz Brewing
9/10
I’m sloshed as all balls, so why do I keep drinking this!?
-Jonathan Yost