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lindsay-lohan-topless-style.jpgThis week started off with the fall heard around the world…Brad Pitt, Father of the Year, took a spill on his motorcycle when he was trying to maneuver between cars at a red light in LA. I think all of his facial hair is weighing him down and throwing off his balance.

Lisa Rinna and her husband, Harry Hamlin owe a Los Angeles shopping center $635,083.73 in unpaid rent. They signed a ten year lease in 2005, but closed down shop 6 years too early. They obviously need to start saving money to support Lisa Rinna’s infamous injection addiction. Taking care of those lips is a very costly procedure.

Lindsay Lohan posed topless in the  UK SundayTimes Style Section. There are two things wrong with this: one, no one wants to see Lindsay Lohan’s naked, cocaine-addicted body anymore, and two, she has no style. Sunday Times, you receive a red card.

Khloe Kardashian and her “husband” Lamar Owens have taken that final step. No, they haven’t officially legalized their marriage, they’ve inked each other’s initials on their hands. Now Lamar has a permanent souvenir  of the worst mistake of his life. As if waking up to that thing every morning isn’t bad enough, now he has a constant reminder that he’s married to her. Thank god tattoo removal is making remarkable technological advances. In other “marriage” news, Amy Winehouse and her estranged husband, Blake Fielder-Civil have both changed their Facebook statuses to “married.” In both their extremely intoxicated states, I’m not sure if they know that this does not mean they really are married. Someone should probably let them know.

Brittany Murphy called LA police last night at 2:30, hysterically yelling about gun shots outside her house. Police arrived and there were no people, no bodies, no guns, or no bullets. Apparently, the noise came from a generator outside her house. Brittany, lay off the drugs.

Josh Duhamel reportedly cheated on Fergie with a stripper named Nicole Forrester earlier this month. Do strippers really count though? Who hasn’t had a little stripper sexcapade? I’m pretty sure Josh Duhamel woke up next to Fergie one day without her mask of makeup on, and thought “Damn, I really need to hit up a strip joint.”

Britney Spears is releasing the video for her new song “3” on Friday. Hopefully it’s better than her last few, where we just saw her under-exercising and over-eating body writhe around in fishnets and little to no clothing. Seven years and two kids ago, this would have been hot. Now, not so much.

–Cortney Long