There are only two words to describe the past week in Hollywood: hot mess. The most shocking and astonishing event was the unfortunate break up of Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt. If those two can’t stay together, I just don’t believe in true love anymore. They seemed so perfect, amid all their 3 a.m. screaming fights and basically public fornication. Well, at least Doug will have something to remember Paris by-all the STDs he contracted from her. Now, those will last a lifetime. It didn’t take Paris long to move onto soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo. Wonder how many goals he scored that night…
Another achingly devastating breakup shattered the Hollywood social scene- Miley Cyrus and her awkwardly older boyfriend Justin Gaston split. I had so much hope for them. But I guess even love can’t disguise the monstrosity that is Miley Cyrus’ twang. Hannah Montana has found it in her heart to love again, and has started to reconnect with old flame Nick Jonas. Closer to her age, yes, but he definitely wears tighter pants. I don’t see this lasting. I’m saying 2 months, and even that’s pushing it.
The Brat Pratt, a.k.a. Heidi and Spencer, are stirring up more trouble, this time on NBC’s I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here. The couple quit the show about 36 times and tried to get back on it once they realized that crappy reality TV is their only source of fame. Pratt’s sister claimed they were tortured after Heidi was rushed to the hospital with an ulcer after being kept in a dark room with only water, rice, and beans…and Spencer. I agree, being locked in a room with Spencer is torture. Looks like we found the source of that ulcer. It’s her husband. The battle between Speidi and NBC rages on.
In Twitter news, Kevin Jonas is an idiot, and John Mayer is a genius. Kevin twittered “I got soap in my eyes! No fun!” Good, maybe now they’ll kick your worthless butt out of your band. If the Jonas brothers can even be considered a band, that is. And John Mayer invented “pedamundo,” which means a “drunken party world that occurs on the second weekend of June every year” He says that “On Pedamundo, urinating on a cop car isn’t just legal, it’s customary.” The most sense-ical definition of pedamundo is this: “You know that buzz you have 2.5 drinks in where everything in the world feels achievable? That is Pedamundo.” I think I may have found my soul mate.
–Cortney Long