In honor of Fair Month I have taken it upon myself to compile for you a guide for the helpful identification, avoidance, and outwitting of the creature known commonly to man as “The Carney”. The Carney or “Carnival Folk” are a nasty and thieving bunch with malice in their hearts and pasts darker than the thickest brambles, who roam the countryside snaring unsuspecting prey in their cotton candied traps. Carnies are one rung away on the evolutionary ladder from their cousin- the Circus Freak. Like them, they are also beloved by children and Surrealist Avant-garde film makers.
Known for their sharp teeth, beady eyes, and slicked back hair. Some are so hideous their faces resemble a cross between a possum and a raisin, peeking out from behind a bow-tie and set of jutting rotted teeth. If they get cleaned up however some manage to pass for a used car salesman.
These are not to be confused with Gypsies, who while also thieving, nomadic, and deceitful are quite the different creature better known for their curses, delightful parlor antics, and cheery predictions for the future. The Gypsy can be described as similar to Brad Pit in Snatch, but with more scarves, and usually have an accent that sounds like they’re from Transylvania. This is because they are also vampires.
While Carnies may include freaks, felons, and con-men from all walks of life and nationality a Gypsy is typically of Roma decent. I have Romanian blood in me and despite being diluted by generations, I still have an exceedingly difficult time returning things I borrow in a timely fashion, and instinctively reach for a person’s wallet when shaking hands or being introduced.
Many people have made an art of swindling folk of their pocket money and savings, but none more masterfully than the Carney and their early predecessor the Traveling Medicine Show. This little known precursor to the more infamous side-show was basically like an infomercial on wheels. To entertain folk and draw crowds in, sales pitches were cleverly worked into songs and stage routines. These little skits and ditties were the granddaddy of modern radio jingles and the comedy styling and guffaws of what was to become vaudeville. This is why both Carnies and old-timey comedy duos, and to a lesser extent barbers, are depicted wearing white and red striped shirts and straw hats.
They were also known however for their unfortunate fondness for using black-face. These gaudy diversions were just as much about selling snake-oil as they were about spreading racism to untouched lands so remote and naive they didn’t know about strangers, let alone had yet to devise innovative new ways to hate them. Much in the vein of some early missionaries. But where there flourishes ignorance there are also Suckers to be found.
Join me next time for Part 2 where I reveal the secrets of carnival games and teach you how to go from Rube to Winner!
–Laura Gaddy