Blood Lite: An Anthology of Humorous Horror Stories Presented by the Horror Writers Association
Jim Butcher, Charlaine Harris, Sherrilyn Kenyon, Kevin Anderson (editor)
5/10

Blood Lite: An Anthology of Humorous Horror Stories Presented by the Horror Writers Association was amusing to say the least. I actually tend to take a liking to sci-fi and fantasy books (shout out to O.W.F.C.), so this seemed right up my alley. Short stories for those of us (i.e. me) with short attention spans, all about the fantastical things that you don’t see happen in real life. The …

Burn After Reading
Directed by the Coen brothers
5/10

The movie was boring. I was fidgety, uninterested, and unimpressed. The biggest laugh I got out of this “dark comedy” was shared by the only other pervert in the theatre when the “Liberator” made a guest appearance. Of course the darkest of minds laughed the hardest at the worst joke in the film. The story had a lot of promise but just didn’t develop very well, and the box office results show it. It barely made more than another movie that opened the same …

Two Cow Garage
Speaking in Cursive
Suburban Records
7 out of 10

Some bands aspire to be all that and a side of cheese grits. Other bands are all that and a side of cheese grits. Listening to Two Cow Garage’s new album Speaking in Cursive, one gets the feeling that the Columbus, Ohio based band falls somewhere in the middle between being merely good and being great. From the drum-heavy opening track “Your Humble Narrator” to the quick, lush closing number “Swallowed by the Sea”, there is a definite …

Who’s bummed they don’t live in Chicago? The Emperor. That’s who. However, Racket’s good ol’ boy Luke Toney will be hitting this sweet fucking fest up. Who are we going to see there?

In the years since I have moved out on my own, I’ve had to come to terms with something: I hate eating out all the time (please stop giggling, you’re only making yourself look bad). My parent’s house is far too long a drive for a poor college student like me to make on a daily basis, and one can only eat so much Ramen, or dollar menus for that matter. So I had to learn something eventually all people learn (or marry/hire someone who does it for them)- …

The Werewolves
ES
BNS Sessions
8/10
I have no idea what to make of The Werewolves, all I know is that I like them. They’re like some weird mix of Lou Reed, The Doors, Iggy Pop and Bauhaus. I feel schizophrenic just listening to them. In a good way. You can always tell you like a band when the record stops and you scream “hey!” Yea, I said record. They were kind enough to send me a 7” of the EP. Noice. Umm, piss off, I’m gunna go listen to it again.
-Jonathan “The …

Blind Pilot
3 Rounds and a Sound
Expunged Records
8/10
I was horribly confused for the first half of this record before I realized that this was Blind Pilot, not Three Mile Pilot. Dumbass. Anyways, now that I know where I am again, let’s get down to it. Blind Pilot is solid Americana. Think Iron and Wine, but not hipster. Relaxing vocal melodies and grandpas, I mean acoustic, guitars are pretty much the extent of the album. You know what, here, imagine one of them Midwest farm-town proms that you imagine being in …

Ashes Divide
Keep Telling Myself It Will Be Alright
Island Records
7/10
Well, you know that saying “don’t judge a book by its cover?” It is soooo easy to do that most of the time with albums. Illegible font = hardcore (add blood splats) or metal (some kind of demon/fire/scene of death. Ultra long band name = emo (some clever play on words) or again, hardcore (blood, bleeding, bloody or a marking of time in the name. You know, august, winter, autumn.) But Ashes Divide through me the fuck off. With what appears …

Ill Bill
The Hour of Reprisal
Uncle Howie and Fat Beats Records
8/10

Between Ill Bill’s beats and catchy rhythm, the album had potential. The beginning of the album starts out with a choir, which is pretty risqué for being a Hip Hop artist from Brooklyn.
The first few tracks were surprisingly interesting, especially to a girl who doesn’t include rap music in any part of her daily life. The use of guitar, choirs, and orchestral recordings were pretty impressive. Ill Bill’s lyrics were brilliant, mixing modern day issues, such as …

OPM
Golden State of Mind
Suburban Noize
7/10
If this were on a major label I would recoil at the band photo on the reverse side of the CD, but this is on Suburban Noize so maybe it isn’t as bad as it looks. One of the band members has a giant tribal half sleeve. That’s never a good sign. He apparently wised up though, and the rest of his sleeves don’t look like they belong on an NFL player or fraternity dude. One of the dudes has two big …

One-Way Mirror
One-Way Mirror
Metal Blade Records
4/10
Let’s start on a positive note. This album has solid art design. The layout is very minimal and works well. The packaging makes it pretty obvious what’s in store upon picking it up. Hats off to Alain Trehard at Maria Hell Studio, who has absolutely nothing to do with what we are really concerned with here – music.
On that note, lets move on to the tunes. There are two main things that bother me about this album. …

The Mint Chicks
Crazy? Yes! Dumb? No!
Milan Records
5/10
Only a few complementary words describe the Mint Chicks latest release “Crazy? Yes! Dumb? No!” Quite simply, the native New Zealand act failed to deliver a memorable album. All fourteen songs stayed in the safe range of experimental noise rock and power pop. The band did not take on the necessary risks that could have made this album special for first-time listeners and dare I say, for the loyal fans of the Auckland foursome.
Even as winners of five New Zealand music awards last …

Steven is one of those little shits who is just a little bit too old to be a “little shit” anymore. I mean that as a compliment. He’s the kid in class who never shuts up – not because he’s a bad kid, but because he’s too excited to sit still. The amount of enthusiasm that this kid has for life is admirable. I’m only 24, but he makes me feel like an old man – that, and he makes my skating look like an old …

The End of the World
French Exit
Flameshovel /Pretty Activity Records
8/10
I actually liked this. There are a lot of alt-country moments, but I wouldn’t necessarily classify the album as such per se. It’s got a bit of folk rock thrown in the mix as well. The songs are well-crafted and, for the most part, are very somber. This is definitely not the kind of album I would expect to be coming out of Brooklyn right now. While a lot of New York bands are doing the …

Big Bang .
From Acid to Zen.
Oglio Records.
3/10..
Okay, I don’t know what the hell this is. It’s rock I guess. Sorta Southern-influenced light rock. It isn’t good; I know that much. The vocalist’s singing is somewhat appealing, but that’s hardly a saving grace for this worthless album. Sorry fellas, I’m sure your intentions were good. ..
-Luke Toney

Fun fact: Did you know people willingly live in Canada? I hadn’t a clue! And what’s more Canadians don’t fear Chuck Norris. Wait–I’m getting word that there’s no way I can actually prove that. Fuck fact-checking, I’m starting that rumor/truth. If they aren’t scared of his beardy American goodness, then they rightfully should. Anyway, we need to keep our eyes peeled on Canada, they seem to be up to no good. Exporting Celine Dion and Nickelback and all…but somehow they’ve also exported Canadian hair-rockers; Billy Talent. I got a call …