Valkyrie
United Artists Studios
6/10

Valkyrie stars Tom Cruise as a Nazi. Which is not all that unpredictable. Cruise’s character, Claus Von Stauffenberg, is a one-eyed, pissed off Nazi, who along with other high-ranking military officials, are some of the only Nazis with the balls to try to off Hitler and initiate a coup. I’ll give you three guesses on how it ends, but I bet you’ll only need one. The worst part is that even with the knowledge that no matter how suspenseful the climax is, you know the ending. This is also the best part. This is one of those movies made simply to highlight actor’s abilities to act.

Eddie Izzard in Nazi garb versus Aunt Helen’s dress and Bill Nighy as a straightfaced Nazi General versus the zombie step dad of the title character in Shaun of the Dead lend credence to my theory. And again: TOM CRUISE AS A NAZI! I really, really want to hate the guy, but after Tropic Thunder, I can bring myself to it. While not a bad movie, I’d rather watch the story of Valkyrie on History Channel and save myself ten bucks.

-Jonathan Yost