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Having a song on the Snakes On A Plane soundtrack didn’t hurt Cobra Starship’s popularity. Then they played the Bamboozle Left show at Cal Poly Pomona, where RacketBoss Jonathan caught up to Gabe and felt awkward as the singer talked about his wang. Let’s revisit this, shall we?

Cobra Starship Gabe: Do you come here often?
Racket Jonathan: Cal Poly? I go to school here, so yea. What’s your favorite scooby-snack?
CSG: Whoa, let me think about that…hummus?
RJ: Hummus is pretty good.
CSG: Hummus!

RJ: Weirdo. What question do you want me to ask, something that’s been on your chest but never brought up?
CSG: No one’s ever asked me if I was a boxers of briefs kind of guy.
RJ: I had a question I just thought up all on my own, are you a boxers or briefs kind of guy?
CSG: I’m a boxer-briefs kind of guy!

RJ:  God dammit, you set me up!
CSG: It was a trick question.

RJ: What do you look for in a couch?
CSG: I like it to be plush, I like to be able to sink into it. It also needs to have really good lumbar support, the kind that can massage you is an added bonus. Also, reclining ability, that kind of stuff.
RJ: Word. My friend had this long speech about how girlfriends are like couches, great for hanging out with and sleeping, but once you want to go hang out with your friends, you have to lug a goddamned couch around. Is there a lady friend in your life?
CSG: Yes, she’s kind of like a moped, she’s fun to ride until my friends catch me ridin’.
*Gabe whips out his good ol’ T-Mobile Sidekick as rockstars are known to do.*

RJ: Ooo, a Sidekick. You ever take pictures of the Captain and then get your Sidekick “hacked” for some of that “Pete’s Penis Publicity Extravaganza?”
CSG: I’ve tried to take pictures of the Captain, but I can’t seem to find him. I may need a microscopic lens and then I hope I’ll find it. I thought I found it once, but it was just a pubic hair.
RJ: I don’t ever think I’ve heard so much confidence in one’s penis, man.
CSG: Yes.

RJ: What questions do you hate being asked, so I can make sure not to ask them?
CSG: I don’t hate any questions, but sometimes interviews can get a little repetitive, but that’s part of the game.
RJ: Whatever. What gives? Your hair’s not all choppy and it’s all the same color, you’re not wearing girl’s pants! What makes you think you can be on Pete’s record label or in a band at all? I mean, you meet none of the pre-reqs.
CSG: I have a huge cock, that’s all the pre-req you need.
RJ: Huh.
CSG: Also, I can dance really well.
RJ: What’s your favorite dance?
CSG: The shimmy. Shimmy shimmy yo.
RJ: Maybe throw in a shimmy shake for good measure?
CSG: Sometimes. A shake and then a shimmy!

RJ: Have you thought of making up words to bring into popular lexicon? You know, like “crunk.”
CSG: I do! Prophit! I thought that was a lot of poetic license, like “profit” and “prophet.” Pushing the envelope, separating myself individually. Sometimes I use the words in the wrong sentence. Poetic license.
RJ: “Lexicon” is one of my favorite words, what’s yours?
CSG: Blowjobs.
RJ: Does that double as a favorite act in the bedroom?
CSG: No, it’s tough to give a blowjob when you can’t find a cock.
RJ: You’re a walking enigma, man. You say you can’t find it, but you say it’s huge?
CSG: It has quantum particles, so it can be two sizes at once.

RJ: Huh, the quantum properties of your wiener. I’m way too hungover for that nonsense. What show upsets you when you miss it?
CSG: Project Runway. If I have to miss one of the challenges where they have to make something gorgeous with sequins in it, I get real upset. I hate that. Full House?
RJ: Mike over there loved Full House, he had a fat crush on Stephanie.
Racket Mike: Stephanie from Full House? She was hot!
RJ: She was like, 8!
RM: I was like 8, too!
RJ: No you weren’t.
CSG: Now she hosts the pants-off dance-off.

RJ: Now that’s a dance I can enjoy. What STD would you really not want to have?
CSG: I’ve done a lot of research into STDs, and they all seem OK to me. Even with AIDS, I could live a few years. It’s cool.
RJ: You don’t care if you end up with Scab-Dick?
CSG: Which one’s Scab-Dick?
RJ: I dunno. I just refer to them all as Scab-Dick as a motivator not to get any.
CSG: Gotta use the cream, man, use the cream. The worst is getting scabs on your asshole, and then you have a bloody asshole.
RJ: An itchy asshole sucks as it is!
CSG: Yea, that sucks pretty bad, too, I shave my asshole.

*At this point I see that Chris Carraba character pop out and duck back into his trailer*
RJ: Have you met that Dashboard dude?
CSG: Yea.
RJ: He looks really short.
CSG: No, that’s an optical illusion.
RJ: Do you think he should wear more vertical stripes?
CSG: Yes!
RJ: In this crazy world, what’s your belief?
CSG: We’re only here for like 70 years, we can’t solve the world’s problems. Life’s a party, get drunk and watch Star Trek.

 

Word.

-Interview by Jonathan Yost with Michael Gunther being degraded.