Oh, Alison. My dearest Alison. Now, you’ve all heard the saying “go big or go home.” Well, I was already at home when the lovely Alison Sudol, known to most as the guiding force behind A Fine Frenzy, called me. Obvio
usly, I had no choice but to go big. Now, Alison is on Capitol, and as I’ve said before, Capitol girls are effing hot, staff or artist. Any of you lovely ladies want to pick up the pieces that Alison left behind (Katy Perry???), let me know. Here’s the interview/entire romantic relationship I’ve had with her:
The Emperor!: Hey, how’s it going?
A Fine Frenzy: Good, good. How are you?
TE!: Good, I just woke up a little bit ago.
AFF: Me, too. I’m in between a facial and a massage now.
TE!: (suppressing my jealousy) Dang. So, are you currently seeing anyone?
AFF: (awkwardly) Well, I, umm, I don’t normally talk about that, but I’m in a really happy place right now.
TE!: I’ll take that as a no. Do you want to be my girlfriend?
AFF: What?
TE!: Yea, come on, it’ll be great. At least for this interview.
AFF: Yea, I can do that.
TE!: Great! Now describe our perfect date.
The Emperor’s Girlfriend: Well, you’d pick me up from my place, and then we’d go somewhere nice and quiet for dinner. Someplace with personality, probably on the East Side, Silverlake, Echo Park, or Los Feliz, or somewhere over there. Then maybe a movie, some indie movie. And then if it’s going really well (*Editor’s note: Of course it will be going well, I’m the Emperor!*) a show afterwards, go see some bands or get a cup of tea somewhere and just hang out. (*By hang out, she means make out.*) I like quiet evenings.
TE!: What kind of food are you into?
TEGF: Sushi, I love…I love Indian, American. I’m not really into Mediterranean or anything too spicy. I do like Mexican food, too.
TE!: Do you know how to cook, or do you do fast food?
TEGF: I end up eating out a lot because I’m on tour, I usually cook when I’m at home because I’m tired of eating out all the time. I have this great old oven that I like to bake in.
TE!: I can’t bake to save my life.
TEGF: It’s a science, I couldn’t do it for the longest time. Now I’ve gotten into it and I love making cupcakes and cookies and scones.
TE!: I can cook, I can’t get enough of cooking shows, but baking is a complete mystery. I always muck it up.
TEGF: Sometimes people are either a cook or a baker, I’m more of a baker than a cook.
TE!: I have a cat named Bragnadarr The Troll-Eater, and I was curious what the weirdest name you’ve ever given a pet. <*Editor’s note: Brag’s the shit!>
TEGF: My little dog’s name is Englebert Humperdink.
TE!: Ol’ Englebert. He sang Lesbian Seagull.
TEGF: That’s him.
TE!: What are you allergic to?
TEGF: I’m allergic to raw garlic, which makes certain types of food out of the question, which sucks. I think I’m allergic to alcohol. It makes me sneezy and really really sleepy.
TE!: And I thought my allergy to avocado sucked.
TEGF: That sucks, that’s not a normal allergy.
TE!: I know, but I eat it anyways. Avocados are delicious. You’re allergic to garlic?
TEGF: Yea.
TE!: Eeesh.
TEGF: I end up in the fetal position if I eat too much of it.
TE!: Damn. Well, what musical act is a guilty pleasure of yours?
TEGF: I’ve been known to blast Kelly Clarkson in my car really loudly (Laughs that laugh you do when you are embarrassed)
TE!: You should feel guilty about that.
TEGF: I like old school hip-hop, too.
TE!: What’s something about you that people are always surprised to find out?
TEGF: Oh! Umm, I’m a big internet geek and I used to design websites.
TE!: What was the first concert you ever attended?
TEGF: That’s embarrassing, I was like, 13. It was the Backstreet Boys. Oh, I wish I could have avoided that question.
TE!: That’s perfect. I read that you wrote your big single (Almost Lover) when you were a teenager, and I have to know, was the guy really that much of an asshole or was it more teenage angst?
TEGF: He wasn’t an asshole, and that’s what the problem was. He just kind of disappeared. He was a lovely, kind, genuine human being, and he left and just never contacted me, and I think that’s worse for me. If he was a jerk, I’d be able to move on, but he wasn’t and it was just bewildering to me.
TE!: Do you think that guy is thinking to himself “Idiot! She’s hot and famous!”
TEGF: I don’t know if he would put two and two together, who knows.
TE!: Do you feel good knowing that half of the people who listen to it spontaneously burst into tears?
TEGF: I think it’s incredible. Sometimes people really need to cry before they can move on. I think the pain in writing down the lyrics is worth it to see that. And now they can have their moment and move forward.
TE!: Do you consider that you have “made it big” in music?
TEGF: I guess so, it’s been so gradual, it just feels natural. As long as I keep making music, I think that in ten years from now, and look at a stack of my albums and feel that I have. I haven’t made that much music, though. One album’s not nearly enough for me.
TE!: With all the touring, are you able to write more material?
TEGF: Oh yea, between some down time at home and on the road, I probably have ¾ of the material for the next album done. As soon as I’m back and have some time to finish it up and do some production on it, make some progress, I’ll be back in the studio. If only for my own sanity, I need to get back into the studio.
TE!: Let’s say you’re at the studio, listening to a playback of your next tearjerker of a tune when you hear the ice cream man: what do you get when you run out to flag him down?
TEGF: I haven’t gotten anything from the ice cream man in forever. What the hell? Umm, I’d probably get…I don’t even know what they have. Maybe like a Drumstick. No! An ice cream sandwich.
TE!: That’s cool, but Choco Tacos are where it’s at, though.
TEGF: If I see one, I’ll get a Choco Taco.
TE!: What’s your favorite Pauly Shore movie?
TEGF: Encino Man.
TE!: Fucking Pauly Shore. If you were the basis of a VH1 Reality show, what would be the premise?
TEGF: It would be something like, Alison in Wonderland, and it would take me to the cutest and quirkiest spots in the world. (*VH1 – I totally get a finder’s fee for this. – The Emperor!)
TE!: I bet you could pitch it.
TEGF: Something cute. But I would just drive myself crazy being followed by cameras all day, though.
TE!: Is there anything you’ve wanted your fans to know that you’ve never had a chance to tell them?
TEGF: Just, meeting them, all the stories I hear at shows has given me an increase in my faith in humanity. Some of the sweetest people have come up to me shared their feelings, and it’s really a moving thing to find that people all over the world are great. They inspire me.
TE!: Killer, I think that’s about it.
TEGF: Oh, no, I guess it’s time to break up now.
TE!: Alright, if that’s how you feel.
The Emperor’s Ex: It was a great, short relationship.
TE!: I understand, I was feeling the same way.
TEE: So, it’s mutual.
TE!: Yea, but we’ll always remain the best of friends. BFF!
TEE: Absolutely.
TE!: Bye, I’ll miss you.
TEGF: Bye!
-Jonathan “The Emperor” Yost
Photo taken by Peter Berberian, but obviously tweaked by Alison’s subconscious.