Being The Emperor is time consuming. I’m always…errr…eating cinnamon bears or drinking booze or…uh…playing Katamari. With all these other tasks that needed to get done, I got backed up on some CDs to review OK, I maaaaay have also misplaced a stack, as well). Rather than do research and look up info and read press kits, I decided to go the poetic (and easy) way out and do some haikus.
Middle Class Rut – 25 Years
Uhhh, when the crap did
Perry Ferrel, Local H
have a grungy kid?˙
Jon Snodgrass – Visitor’s Band
More Beardcore Country
Beautiful and relaxing
His name sounds like snot.
American Black Lung
I lost this. My bad.
But I found it and it rules
Rawr rawr yell and scream.
Nutsak – Failed Musician
As much as this sucks
It’s better than I can do
It makes me wiggle
Andy Shauf – Darker Days
Uh-oh! Snooze alert!
This is dance time, not sad time
Best played when mopey
Mile Marker Zero – S/T
Hey Hey! Oi! Fuck you!
What the crap is this horse crap?
Smashing Pumpkins Rule.
The Melloncollies – S/T
Oh, good, it’s like the
Empire Records soundtrack
But more generic
Imelda May – Love Tattoo
Some can mix genres
Whatever you’re doing – Stop
You wanna make out?
Kissing Cousins – Pillar Of Salt
Incest jokes galore!
None of my cousins are hot
This is retarded.
Korpiklaani – Karkelo
Finnish folk metal
Are you fucking kidding me?!
This kicks so much ass
Gray Young – Firmament
I mean, yea, it’s cool
If not a bit too mellow
Good for sleepy times
Joe Gideon and The Shark – Harum Scarum
Seriously guys?
Now prizes in Cracker Jacks
Are record deals
–Jonathan Yost