Yup. Here we are again. Between my actual job, paying attention to my wonderful wife, freelance shit, and actual shits, I am fucking busy, man. Yet, the onslaught of albums to review doesn’t slow down. As my day job is being a PR guy, I feel a lot of sympathy for all the PR people who try to think of new ways to tell me they are sending me a pop-punk record. I know I could post a series of reviews that are just unwanted dick-pics my friends get on OkCupid (that may be a future feature), and they aren’t reading anything more than a paragraph, I feel a haiku review is good enough. Here we go:
Astronautilis
Cut The Body Loose
SideOneDummy
7/10
Pretty solid crap
Unironic white guy rap
His beats make me hard
(Hed) p.e.
FOREVER!
Pavement Entertainment
1/10
’99 Nu-Metal
’16; don’t give a fuck, guys.
Why do you bother?
Adult Mom
Momentarily Lapse of Happily
Tiny Engines
7/10
Think: Lady-fronted,
Sad They Might Be Giants
Too many feelings
Annabel
Having It All
Tiny Engines
5/10
Fest shit Mom would like
Ain’t half bad, but it’s half-good
Good cleaning music
Knola
To The Rhythm
Skeletal Lightning
5/10
Very indie rock
from like, 1996
Need my sweater vest
Look Mexico
Uniola
Tiny Engines
8/10
Yea, I get it, guys
You have your very own sound
With meaning, but fun
Masked Intruder
Love and Other Crimes EP
Pure Noise Records
8/10
My fav criminals
Should steal Fat Wreck from Fat Mike
Catchy stalker jams
Puddle Splasher
Separate States
Animal Style Records
5/10
Pretty standard, man
Music major class project
Pete & Pete music
The Browning
Isolation
Spinefarm Records
7/10
YES. Think metal meets
Saturday morning cartoons
Can’t take serious
Whitechapel
Mark of the Blade
Metal Blade Records
7/10
Afraid for my life
Pretty sure Satan’s their dad
Mom’s also evil
Mean Jeans
Tight New Dimensions
Fat Wreck Chords
8/10
I once dreamed a dream:
Ben Weasel; without being
A total douchebag
Bear Hands
You’ll Pay For This
Spensive Sounds
3/10
What the fuck is this?
There aren’t even any bears
I’d rather not, guys.
Daniel G Harmann
Self-released
Slowing Down
6/10
A movie soundtrack
But no summer blockbuster
Mos def an art film
Jim Breuer and the Loud and Rowdy
Songs from the Garage
Metal Blade
5/10
Goat Boy can rock
I mean, sort of. But he tries
Dad metal? That’s new.
Satyricon
Nemesis Divina
Napalm Records
6/10
It’s hard not to laugh
Metal bands sure do love Latin
No one knows the words