Kingdom Of The Spiders
Shout Factory
8/10
B-Movies alone are hard to seriously judge, but when the main character is none other than William Shatner, well, you have a whole new set of considerations. 1977’s Kingdom Of The Spiders now must be judged on two different levels: as a B-Movie, and where it rates on the Shatner Scale.
As a B-Movie, it has all the requirements:
- Terrible screams that make you wonder how long they practiced
- Normally beatable foes becoming all-consuming
- Soundtrack consisting of mostly stock songs
- Victims slowly stumbling around
- Woman succumbing to womanizer’s “charm”
- And take a wild …

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans
Edward R. Pressman Film/Nu Image Entertainment
1/10
Bad being in the title should have been my first warning. This film stars Nicholas Cage as a strung-out crack addicted police lieutenant who would smoke your lawn clippings and inject your contact lens solution if left alone in your house for 5 minutes who’s abuses of his badge are only exceeded by his partner’s nihilistic world view and glib racism. Add to this a hefty dose of art-house weird and you start to get the picture. The film …

Men Who Stare At Goats
Overture Films
8/10
Nearly every time I have seen George Clooney in a film, I think one of two things: “He was the WORST Batman” or “I wonder how E.R. ended.” Now was not one of those times. In Men Who Stare At Goats, Clooney and an accent-less Ewen MacGregor take a surreal journey through the borderlands of the U.S. military and the paranormal. I know, it’s fucking weird. However, with the help of a very despicable Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges being Dude-like once more, they pull …

The Road
Dimension Films
(In theaters Nov. 25th)

The Road, the new film based on Cormac McCarthy’s Pulitzer Prize winning novel,  played on November 4th at a Gala as part of AFI’s Tribute to Viggo Mortensen. The film was preceded by a Q&A session with the actor who has been a star in such films as A History of Violence, Eastern Promises, and Lord of the Rings.
The Road follows the journey of a man and his son as they make their way across a stark wasteland after an unnamed global apocalypse as they …

AFI Festival Update
Shorts Programs
I was really taken by the quality of the Lunchfilms set of shorts which did a pretty impressive job despite the constraint of the filmmakers having to use an extremely limited budget. Mike Plante is the mind behind Lunchfilm, a project based on the idea of buying filmmakers lunch and having them pay back the favor by making a movie. The catch is they have to do it for under the price of what it cost to buy their meal. Most were at the very least intriguing …

Where the Wild Things Are
Warner Brothers
5/10
A bunch of mopey monsters in suits, some daddy issues, and some brilliant on screen images- this is what’s to be expected from Spike Jonze’s latest flick. The adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are was highly anticipated, what with its huge childhood cult following, Maurice Sendak telling anyone who doesn’t like the movie to go to hell, and Karen O working on the soundtrack. This all sounds like the makings of a fantastic fun time for kids and adults alike, but such is not …

Zombieland
Columbia Pictures
9/10

In reviewing this year’s latest zombie flick, I find myself unable to find where to start, not because it was a bad flick, but simply because there were so many kick ass things about the movie. I am no connoisseur of zombie movies, but I have seen my fair share and can safely say that this is the best zombie movie I have ever seen. Zombieland is a careful collaboration of sarcasm, slapstick, artful direction, cool special effects, and even a minimal amount of sappiness. In short, something …

Penny Flame’s Guide to Rough Sex
Vivid Ed
1/10

I am sooooo not cut out for rough sex. What I thought would be “how to bang faster for longer” was more “how to choke a bitch.” Not into it.
Penny Flame tries to lighten up the mood with her Blind Date-esque pop- up captions and hints, but I couldn’t keep a hard on if my partner was looking at me with her mascara running down her face. Unless she was a goth chick and the running makeup wasn’t caused by the tears she is …

Inglourious Basterds
Universal Pictures
10/10

Quentin Tarantino is a modern cinematic master. Starting from a young age, Tarantino displayed an innate grasp of the characteristics of an outstanding film, and he has carried this talent later into his career. I make this statement sparingly; his career could hardly be considered in its “late” stages.
However, his mastery of film is, in my opinion, nearly unrivaled. No American filmmaker, to my knowledge, comes even remotely close to the perfect pairing of cinematography, storytelling, acting, and score that seems second nature …

(500) Days of Summer
Fox Searchlight Pictures
9/10
(500) Days of Summer is that rare kind of film that transcends its genre and the stereotypes that follow. The film is, for lack of a better categorization, a romantic comedy, but it really works on so many more levels. Forget its indie marketing scheme, forget its little Sundance blurbs, and forget the trailer’s claims that “this isn’t a love story.” Sure the indie claims are backed up by the inclusion of numerous hipster-approved references, sure it was a hit at Sundance, and no, it …

REPO! The Genetic Opera
Lionsgate/Twisted Pictures
6/10
Not too long into the future, corporations will gain the power to take our lives and repossess our organs—this is the vision of REPO! The Genetic Opera. Writers Darren Smith and Terrance Zdunich, along with director Darren Lynn Bousman bring the original 2002 stage show to feature film. This rock operatic, corporate fairytale makes daring moves with its visuals and content, including its eclectic cast. Alexa Vega (Spy Kids), Anthony Stewart Head (Buffy the Vampire Slayer), Sarah Brightman (Phantom of the Opera), Paris Hilton (The Simple …

Insane Clown Posse Presents: A Family Underground DVD
Psychopathic Records
0/10
Who the fuck sent this to Racket? If you and I have a solid working relationship, I am sorry for what is about to occur. But, on the other hand, I think you sent this to me because you hate me.
This has got to be one of the worst things I have ever seen in my life- but in the amazing, now-you-feel-better-about-yourself kind of way. Thousands of people in face paint, white contacts and shitty flat-tops turned into braids prevailed …

Up
Disney/Pixar
10/10
Pixar sets a new high with its latest animated feature Up which rises to the occasion and proves to be as funny and thoughtful as it gorgeous to look at. The movie follows the adventures of a cranky old man stuck in his ways, mismatched with an over enthusiastic youngster whose intentions seem to always overshoot his abilities. Right from when the film first launches off, you know that this is going to be something different and special.
What could have been simply a light hearted kid’s …

NOFX Backstage Passport
Fat Wreck Chords/Fuse
8/10
I’ve always maintained that there are two main branches of punk music- not genres, but branches. There’s the punk music that has a social message, and there’s the kind that wants to party, drink and fuck. NOFX has always been the epitome of the latter. Punk in Drublic was the first punk album I ever purchased. So, I was stoked to get a DVD of the Backstage Passport show that NOFX put together with Fuse documenting their massive year-long world tour.
NOFX shows off that after …

Star Trek
Paramount Pictures
10/10
I am a Star Trek nerd, I admit it wholeheartedly. I have had eight hour make out sessions to the third season of TNG, had the playboy with Denise Crosby in it, and have offered up the following Star Trek themed sexual innuendos:
- Are you a Data on the streets and a Lore in the bedroom?
- (In reference to taking a virginity) Can I go where no man has gone before?
- I want to put my dilithium crystals in your warp core
And while it is obvious that I prefer The Next …

Adventureland
This Is That Productions
7/10
The Emperor!: What looked like a pure comedy flick in the previews turned out to be a seriously fucked up romantic comedy. Dealing with adultery, anti-semitism, and drunk driving, you would not think this would be the same movie that the previews show Bill Hader suspiciously sniffing a corn dog that had been left out all night. Now, as I explained to Racket’s own Caitlin Elgin, it’s not that the movie was bad, I just felt like I was mislead and I was mentally prepared for a …