Fucking weirdos. Really, I’m not sure if I’m talking about Racket, or Mindless Self Indulgence. But Racketeers Kim and DJ stood by their beliefs and pulled an amazing interview out of MSI.
Racket Kim: [setting the recorder on the table] Alright so this thing’s on…just so everyone knows.
Little Jimmy Urine: Hello dictaphone…I looove you dictaphone.
Steve, Righ?: Did you know that Jodie Sweetin had a drug problem?
Little Jimmy Urine: Who’s Jodie Sweetin?
Steve, Righ?: Stephanie.
Little Jimmy Urine: From Full House?
Steve, Righ?: Yeah.
Little Jimmy Urine: You’re damn right she did.
Lyn Z.: What kind of drugs?
Steve, Righ?: I dunno she didn’t say. Apparently her Full House family persuaded her
Little Jimmy Urine: Is that a Full house intervention…?
Steve, Righ?: …to go to rehab, yeah.
Lyn Z.: Now that would be a good show…
Steve, Righ?:No anyway, hi.
Racket Kim: Hi.
Racket DJ: Yeah how you doing?
Steve, Righ?: You know you don’t have to stand that far away.
Racket DJ: No I’m scared.
Steve, Righ?: Well we’re not gonna be able to hear you..
Racket DJ: Alright, alright..
[we take a couple of steps closer]
Racket Kim: [kneeling at the table] We can sit on the floor…
Little Jimmy Urine: I’ll sit on the floor too. Or you can sit on my lap!
Kitty, Steve, and Lyn Z. collectively say no.
Lyn Z.: They want to stand since they’re orating.
Steve, Righ?: Yeah, sucka.
Racket DJ: What would you be doing for a job if you were in a super-oppressive communist country?
Lyn Z.: Ooh I like these questions already…
Little Jimmy Urine: Oooohh, well, if we were in a super-oppressive communist country wouldn’t they assign the jobs to us?
Steve, Righ?: Ahhhh.
Little Jimmy Urine: Hel-lo? Right back in yo face!
Lyn Z.: Wait we wouldn’t have to worry about anything.
Little Jimmy Urine: Yeah!
Lyn Z.: Can we go to a super-oppressive communist country?
Steve, Righ?: I’d like to.
Little Jimmy Urine: [horrible accent] “You are not fruit-picker! You are book-binder!”
[collective laughter]
Racket DJ: So uh..whenever you see Jimmy in a thong, can you not help but sing the thong song?
Steve, Righ?: I haven’t seen Jimmy in a thong.
Lyn Z.: No.
Little Jimmy Urine: That’s because I wear only full-back white cotton panties.
Kitty:I’ve actually seen you wear one of those thongs that the male strippers wear with just the sock.
Lyn Z.: Really?
Little Jimmy Urine: Had the bowtie?
Kitty: Had the elephant thing–
Steve, Righ?: The elephant face, yeah.
Kitty: I haven’t, I’m lying.
[random laughter]
Little Jimmy Urine: You had her for a second [nods in Lyn Z.’s direction]
Lyn Z.: Yeah.
Kitty: Are you gonna sue me for slander?
[DJ gives a nervous laugh and then theres a pause]
Racket DJ: Yeah…so, in the new Superman movie, the fucker’s shot in the eye and it bounces off. Do you wish you had
bullet-reflecting genitals?
[everyone laughs except Steve, who’s like “uhh..”]
Little Jimmy Urine: Only if it’ll get me in to see Superman Returns for free.
Steve, Righ?: Why?
Little Jimmy Urine: Because I wouldn’t pay to see it..
Steve, Righ?: I don’t even want to see it.
Little Jimmy Urine: Really?
Racket Kim: Did anyone….
Steve, Righ?:Yeah.
Racket Kim:..did any of you guys see it?
Little Jimmy Urine: No, how was it?
Steve, Righ?: No, we’re locked up most of the time.
Racket Kim: I didn’t.
Racket DJ: Yeah, I don’t even want to see it either.
Steve, Righ?: Yeah me either. Let’s not. Do you wanna..you wanna–
Little Jimmy Urine: Alright honestly I just want a pop…I want some cherry coke.
Lyn Z.: I heard it was too intellectual.
Racket Kim: I heard it was really DUMB.
Little Jimmy Urine: I can’t tell…who’s right and who’s wrong?! [laughter all around] I’m torn!
[lots of random conversation]
Racket DJ: If you could write a rock opera, what would it be about?
[the band “oohs” collectively and there’s a pause]
Little Jimmy Urine: That’s good.
Steve, Righ?: That could be the question that changes our careers..let’s do a rock opera..what’s it about Lyn
Z.?
[Lyn Z. ponders]
Little Jimmy Urine: See it’s not over about…whether we’re gonna be fruit pickers or book binders.
Lyn Z.: Yeah. Well doesn’t it….doesn’t it by law have to have some like…elves and dwarves and like-
Little Jimmy Urine: No, it could have robots or zombies!
Steve, Righ?: No it doesn’t! It could either have elves or dwarves or it could have electronics!
Little Jimmy Urine: Yeah definitely lots of electronics.
Steve, Righ?: We could do it about like…how the cyborgs are gonna take over in 2029.
[the band collectively agrees somewhat, and some random guy walks in with a McDonald’s bag]
Little Jimmy Urine: Wait a minute, wait a minute. The rock opera’s in here [the guy hands the bag to Jimmy who
starts to rifle through it] Hold on the rock opera’s in here. The rock opera’s about the double cheeseburger.
Steve, Righ?: Alright.
[Jimmy shouts appreciation to the random guy and starts eating]
Little Jimmy Urine: I’m gonna do my rock opera right now.
[random conversation erupts again]
Racket DJ: Well yes, rock opera aside..
Steve, Righ?: Yes.
Racket DJ: Would you ever make a movie about the band – like Spice World for example?
Lyn Z.: [laughs]
Little Jimmy Urine: If they allowed me – if they gave me the money to make something about-er, something as intricate
as Spice World, then fuck yes! Hellyeah.
Lyn Z.: Especially if we had a wardrobe like that
Kitty: Yeah.
Steve, Righ?: Yeah I’m definitely gonna be “Ging” [ginger spice].
[random conversation about the interview itself (for the record, it was positive conversation) erupts]
Steve, Righ?: Who made this?
Little Jimmy Urine: Yeah who made this?
Racket Kim: Myself, and my editor, and some fans.
Steve, Righ?: Really?
Racket Kim: Yeah.
[band collectively says things like “ooh, ah ok”]
Steve, Righ?: What were you…uh, what were you guys doing with it, were you guys naked? When you came up with this? Racket Kim: [trying to get the interview moving along] Actually I think that’s one of the questions, we’ll get
to that..
Little Jimmy Urine: [to Steve] Ahh, you gotta skip ahead all the time!
Lyn Z.: Yeah, shh!
Steve, Righ?: I’m part cyborg, that’s why.
Racket Kim: [nudging DJ] continue…
Racket DJ: Oh, yeah – What was your life changing moment as far as music is concerned?
Steve, Righ?: Spice World.
[collective laughter]
Little Jimmy Urine: Yeah, Spice World! Spice World would be it.
Steve, Righ?: When I learned how to slam my body down and grind it all around that was it.
Racket DJ:What’s you favorite food?
Steve, Righ?: What’s our favorite food?
Little Jimmy Urine: [as he’s eating a double cheeseburger] Lasagne.
[collective laughter]
Little Jimmy Urine: I’m garfield..
Steve, Righ?: [to Kitty] What’s your favorite?
Kitty: Well, it depends…I like sushi, I like burritos, I like-
Little Jimmy Urine: I like burritos too!
Kitty: –pizza. I like…I like food, I think is what it comes to.
Little Jimmy Urine: FOOD IS OUR FAVORITE FOOD!!
Kitty: Yeah.
Racket DJ: Me too. What race do you find the most attractive?
[laughter]
Steve, Righ?: What race?
Racket Kim: Yes.
Little Jimmy Urine: WHITE TRASH.
Racket DJ: What’s your favorite cartoon?
Little Jimmy Urine: [exaggeratedly] Oh..GOD! Too many answers to all of these questions!
[incoherent excited conversation all around]
Racket DJ: I’m a fan of Ren & Stimpy myself.
Little Jimmy Urine: Ren & Stimpy was a great cartoon. Um, right now my favorite thing is Robot Chicken. Like if I had
to say right now, right this very second. If I’m gonna run in from another room like “OH IT’S ON?!?” – Robot Chicken.
Lyn Z.: I think Venture Brothers, right now.
Little Jimmy Urine: Oh there is Venture Brothers..
Steve, Righ?: Yeah I might go with Robot Chicken right now…I’ll tell you what I don’t like – The Flintstones.
Racket Kim: Yeah that is a dumb cartoon.
Steve, Righ?: No I love the Flintstones, get out.
Racket Kim: [laughs] It–
Steve, Righ?: No, I hate the Flintstones.
Racket DJ: Where’s the beef? [laughter]
Kitty: Where’s the beef?
Lyn Z.: That’s awesome!
Little Jimmy Urine: [holding the burger] Right here. This is a visual question!
[laughter]
Racket DJ: Next question! You got it right there.
Racket Kim: Wait wait wait – [looks at the interview] Alright, it’s not on here but I was ordered to ask –
Pirates or Ninjas?
Lyn Z.: [throws her head back and groans] Ooh, that’s tough.
Little Jimmy Urine: Man that’s good…
Lyn Z.: I’m gonna go with pirates–
Little Jimmy Urine: I’m in a pirate mode.
Lyn Z.: -because of the fashion, because of the accessories..and the–
Steve, Righ?: And the high instance of homosexuality.
[the band collectively agrees]
Steve, Righ?: Ninja’s dress gay, but pirates fuckin were gay.
[laughter]
Racket DJ: What do you think of the fanbase you attract…that make these kinds of questions?
[laughter]
Steve, Righ?: You know, there’s a lot of broad questions in this thing, it’s like asking, you know what our food was
and there’s just so many different types of people..
Little Jimmy Urine: There’s so diverse and it’s nice because you get to love some and you get to hate some…I mean
you learn to hate some and you learn to love some…
Steve, Righ?: I’ve hung out with more guido’s since
I’ve been in this band.
Racket Kim: [laughs]
Steve, Righ?: We get mad guido’s. They’re like [Jersey accent] “I fuckin love them bitches”
[collective laughter]
Steve, Righ?: They go [Jersey accent] “Hey hey! That’s my song! – My wife and I” —
Little Jimmy Urine: “My wife and I” – that’s the BEST. “My wife and I had our kid to that song!”
Steve, Righ?: “Yeah, fuck – I fucked that bitch up good.”
Little Jimmy Urine: “Hey, that song Faggot–“
Steve, Righ?: “That song Faggot – I beat up fags to that song, eh!”
[collective laughter]
Lyn Z.: Have you ever had someone tell you that they lost their virginity..?
Steve, Righ?: All the time – we’ve had people losing their virginity, losing their lives to MSI.
Little Jimmy Urine: Yeah like a ton of people in car crashes listening to MSI…
Steve, Righ?: And people buried with like, MSI cds.
Little Jimmy Urine: Yes! That freaks me out, their spirit’s in here right now just…haunting the shit out of our
answers.
[laughter]
Racket DJ: Do you believe in aliens?
Little Jimmy Urine: Yes–No!
Kitty: Totally.
Little Jimmy Urine: No, I don’t.
Lyn Z.: Yes.
Steve, Righ?: Do you want me to go off on this shit? I’ll do it right now, I can strike it down!
Racket Kim: Alright if you can do it quickly because we don’t have a lot of time.
Little Jimmy Urine: Ok, there’s life on other planets but it’s not like…life life, like a crystal, or some crazy
fuckin like …fungus–
Lyn Z.: Moths!
Little Jimmy Urine: Alright, moths–but it’s not a fuckin alien humanoid race.
Steve, Righ?: Alright, I think that people are getting it wrong – I think that people that are seeing “aliens” are
actually seeing time travelers. And I’m not even fucking joking.
[laughter]
Steve, Righ?: No really, you know why our heads are so small? Because our bodies have to accomodate the vulva. In the
future we would use a sort of…testtube format, so our heads are gonna get really big. And we’re gonna learn how to pinpoint
pieces of time, and when we come back–
Little Jimmy Urine: Scientologist!
Steve, Righ?: What the fuck? I don’t even know that – then I’m fuckin-a genius and I should the money where my mouth
is.
Little Jimmy Urine: And then you could be Steve Ron Hubbard.
[laughter]
Steve, Righ?: Steve, Righ? Hubbard.
[laughter]
Steve, Righ?: So, if anybody wants to join my cult…only uh five-hundred dollars!
Racket DJ: What’s the most annoying thing a fan has ever done or tried to do?
Steve, Righ?: Oh I got a new one.
Little Jimmy Urine: Oh they got new?
Lyn Z.: Yeah?
Steve, Righ?: Some fucking rolling, fucking drunk mama – and I don’t mean mama like hot mama, I mean it like
somebody’s fucking grandmama…tried to do a vertical…uh-horizontal table dance, and she did a split on my ribs, and it
still fucking hurts. She was big fatass and I hope she reads this.
[laughter]
Steve, Righ?: I hope she fucking chokes on her own fucking..ugly–
Lyn Z.: I don’t think she’d even remember…that night. She’s gonna read this and be like “who did that?”
Racket DJ: What’s your favorite term for masturbation?
Little Jimmy Urine: Masturbation.
Racket Kim: Oh come on..
Little Jimmy Urine: Why don’t you touch it and see?
Racket Kim: –you’re rock stars, you can be dirtier than that.
Little Jimmy Urine: We’re rock stars, we don’t have to touch it. We don’t use that term. It’s for losers.
Racket DJ: Are you naked? I am.
[collective laughter]
Racket DJ:Next question…
Kitty: Is that…did someone write that in?
Racket Kim: Yes.
Kitty: Nice, that’s a great one.
Racket Kim: Yes.
Racket DJ: Does size matter?
Steve, Righ?: Size of what?
Little Jimmy Urine: [shrugs] I dunno.
Steve, Righ?: I don’t give a shit about…anything like that. I’m eating a hamburger. A cold hamburger.
Racket DJ: Who would win in a fight – Mark Hamil or Judge Judy?
Little Jimmy Urine: Mark fuckin Hamil.
Lyn Z.: Are you kidding me? Judge Judy would whip his ass!
Steve, Righ?: I think Mark Hamil would. He’s buff.
Little Jimmy Urine: Only because if we kiss his ass he would [talks with a lisp] sign our Star Wars posters!
VS.
Racket DJ: What’s your favorite science show?
Steve, Righ?: Science show?
Little Jimmy Urine: Myth Busters all the fuckin way!
Racket DJ: Where the fuck did Jimmy find Chauncey?
Racket Kim: Yes. Tell us about Chauncey.
Little Jimmy Urine: Chauncey? He was my dog, and he died, and instead of burying him, I took him to a taxidermist and
got him stuffed. The guy wanted to like pose him and stuff him the way he was used to, you know like the whole body with the
skeleton in there and everything – so I was like “no no no, just put like pillows in there and stitch it up”, and the guy was
like “well it’s gonna be the same price!” and I was like “it’s okay, just put stuffing in there”; and now he’s…been all
around the world.
Racket Kim: And you know he has his own myspace?
Little Jimmy Urine: Yes I do. He has his own myspace.
Lyn Z.: I think he has more friends than I do..
Little Jimmy Urine: He’s gotten more mileage being dead than he ever did when he was alive. And at the shows, when I
come out I’ll be like “Yeah, here I am!!” and they’re like “Chauncey, Chauncey!”.
[laughter]
Racket Kim: So did you bring him tonight?
Little Jimmy Urine: [being coy] I dunno, we’ll have to find out. OF COURSE I brought him tonight, it’s in his
contract.
Racket DJ: Do you have stage fright and use the crazy antics to cover up that you are actually agoraphobic?
Little Jimmy Urine: Oh…you found my secret out.
Steve, Righ?: Crazy antics….I just like the word….saying the word antics.
Little Jimmy Urine: I’m antic-o-phobic!
Racket DJ: Do you hope that Nick Lachey covers Faggot?
[collective laughter]
Little Jimmy Urine: I would love it!
Steve, Righ?: Yeah I would, anybody like that.
Little Jimmy Urine: You know what, that might get back to him through Aaron Carter. It’s gonna go from Aaron Carter,
to Nick Carter, to Nick Lachey. Because they totally know eachother – someone in the Backstreet Boys has gotta know Nick
Lachey, they GOTTA!! There’s no fuckin way that nobody in Backstreet Boys doesn’t know anybody in 98 degrees. In 98
degrees you’ve got Nick Lachey’s brother..and that other guy ain’t doing shit.
Steve, Righ?: 98 degrees isn’t together anymore…
Little Jimmy Urine: Right, you know those fuckers are callin Nick saying [mocking voice] “hey man, you got any
work?”
[more random conversation erupts]
Racket Kim: Alright moving on. – What’s your all time favorite Video Game?
Little Jimmy Urine: I’m gonna say the Megaman Series.
Lyn Z.: There’s too many to pick my all-time favorite but right now I gotta go with uh…Guitar Hero.
Racket Kim: Alright – Trapped on a desert island, no food: who gets killed & eaten first?
Steve, Righ?: [listlessly] Isn’t that obvious?
[laughter]
Racket Kim: Aww, don’t be so hard…
Steve, Righ?: That’s if you’re talking about who would be annoying.
Little Jimmy Urine: Oooooww.
Racket DJ: Do you guys really drink coffee? If so, do you really like it black – like your metal?
Lyn Z.: [nods and gestures toward Kitty]
Kitty: Yes actually, I do.
Racket Kim: Do you like any black metal bands and which ones do you like?
Little Jimmy Urine: I’d probably have to ask a black metal authority, on what bands are black metal..
Steve, Righ?: I’ll tell you right now – no.
Lyn Z.: Dimmu Borgir.
Little Jimmy Urine: Yeah.