Racket’s very own head honcho sat down with the biggest name in Hip Hop and had a serious conversation about foreign policy, anti-proliferation and globalization and it’s impact on the Greenhouse Effect. 
Racket: MC Total Fresh, I heard that you are the most fresh, have you encountered any that hate the player, not the game?
MC Total Fresh: No, I’ve been around for years and the worst thing I ever encountered was an old lady who tried to tell me to hike up my pants. As soon as she saw my massive meat rod, she changed her tune and now she’s one of my backup singers.
R: That’s truly a heartwarming story; tell me about another life you have changed.
MCTF: For a while I was doing charity work for the Make-a-Wish Foundation. You wouldn’t believe how many dying kids wanted to see me before they bit the big one. There was this one kid, Billy Two-Stepper from Minnesota, and he wanted me to sing "Paradise City" to him while dancing around like I was in some Broadway musical. Anyway, I told him he would have to settle for "Cop Killer" and he seemed okay with it. Unfortunately, I didn’t know he had died right as I went into singing the hit song, but I know he was someone who was touched by my presence.
R: Amazing. As I’m about to enjoy what could possibly be the best plate of fish sticks on the planet, I wonder what MC Total Fresh’s favorite food is
MCTF: Snatch, goat faces, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Tone Loc CD’s, candy bars, and pop.
R: I heard Tone Loc is bad for your teeth.
MCTF: No, no, I want to be more like him so I eat his beautiful songs.
R: You cold always have a Funky Cold Medina cocktail
MCTF: I’m allergic to anything that funky.
R: MC Total Fresh, you should tell me a joke, I hear you are a master of the Humorous Arts.
MCTF: This is correct. Ok, here’s a phat joke. A dog was walking himself down the street when a kind old grandma lady came up and asked, "Where is your owner?" The dog said, "Fuck you, bitch! I’m just a hairy human who doesn’t know how to walk on two legs yet." HAW HAW HAW! Wow, that’s the best one I’ve told yet!
R: Ha! MC Total Fresh, have you ever though about changing your name to MC 70t41 Fr3sh to get tons of "1337" fans?
MCTF: No, I don’t understand that inane bullshit. Those people need to get out and feel a boob or something.
R: Do you ever find yourself wanted to cause bodily harm to those who say "lol" out loud? And for that matter, how do you pronounce "pwned"?
MCTF: Yeah, I smack people for talking Internet all the time. Next time someone types POWNED to me, I’ll hack them up with my rolodex.
R: True or false: You are the best rapper in America.
MCTF: Oh, this is true by a longshot.
R: Would you say that Charles Dickens was an influence on your rhymes? What about Sisqo?
MCTF: Not Dickens, but In Charge was. Sisqo can go suck a fat nut. When I was younger, I thought THAT was what rapping was all about. Then, he thonged his way right into our hearts and now we don’t even know where he is. I don’t want to be like that – I want to live on being the best rapper in the world.
R: Do you sometimes masturbate thinking about Scarlett Johanson in the middle of a Motorhead gang bang? Maybe it’s just me.
MCTF: I jerk it thinking about Motorhead in the middle of a Nell Carter song.
R: Would you say that MC Total Fresh is the Racket Magazine of the rap world?
MCTF: Absolutely. I would also say that my underwear is the Mercedes Benz of clothing. It’s just cheap underwear but because it’s coating my balls and ass, it is now worth a lot of money. Now that I think about it, Racket Magazine is the Racket Magazine of the rap world. I’m hoping to get nominated for some awards because of my inspirational rapping.
R: such as?
MCTF: Lifetime Achievement, Nobel Peace, Student of the Month, etc.
R: Student of the month? Is this at the school of hard knocks?
MCTF: Almost. I sometimes attend a high school because I didn’t exactly graduate all of my classes.
R: Last Question: What are you most likely to yell when someone cuts you off in traffic?
MCTF: NO TIME FOR BARLEY! This has been the most riveting interview I’ve given yet.
R: That’s because we rule. Peace out.