Every few years, GWAR does something so perfectly GWAR that the pearl-clutchers come crawling out of their Facebook groups to feign moral outrage. This time it was Riot Fest 2025, where the Scumdogs of the Universe theatrically “killed” Elon Musk and Donald Trump onstage. Cue the right-wing crybaby brigade, screeching about inciting violence like they’ve never seen a fucking rock show before. Remember when Kid Rock used a machine gun to shoot dozens of innocent cans of Bud Light? What a waste of $20 in beer and $60 in ammo. What a fucking nerd
Here’s the thing, dorks: GWAR has been fake-murdering public figures longer than some of you have been alive, and well before you could even bother doomscrolling anything more than a magazine or JC Penney catalog. In the 10+ times I’ve seen them, they’ve decapitated Obama (complete with crown), disemboweled Hillary Clinton, ripped Pope Random-the-Whatever in half, chopped off Putin’s hands, and gutted John McCain like a fish. They’ve had Joe Biden with no head pumping gallons of fake blood. They’ve humiliated Bam Margera just for existing, given Amy Coney Barrett an abortion of Brett Kavanaugh’s baby (during Womb with a View. Nice.) and yes, they’ve taken turns brutalizing both Trump and Kamala Harris. GWAR is equal-opportunity carnage. If you’re famous, powerful, or just dumb enough to be part of the cultural circus, you’re gonna get turned into latex roadkill onstage. That’s the joke. The punchlines going over your head? Now that’s the real art.
And yet, every damn time a conservative sacred cow gets splattered across the faces and white t-shirts, prom dresses, or tuxedos of bohabs across the country, out come the whiners. These are the same people who constantly whine that “the left can’t take a joke” but the second their techno-messiah Elon Musk gets decapitated by a six-foot foam broadsword, suddenly it’s the end of civilization. Spoiler alert: nobody at Riot Fest was radicalized into storming Tesla HQ. Nobody walked away plotting a coup because a papier-mâché Trump sprayed blood all over the front row. Everyone just laughed, cheered, and washed fake gore out of their shoes the next day. Or didn’t and put that stanky ass outfit away for the next GWAR tour to grace their city.
The beauty of GWAR is that they don’t give a single fuck about your politics — they miiiight give a fuck about mocking power, but definitely give a fuck about turning the grotesque into a giant punk-rock cartoon. That’s why they’ve pissed off everyone from Tipper Gore’s PMRC crusaders in the ’80s, to TV stations banning their “meat shower” antics in the ’90s, to conservatives who lost their minds when they “killed” Sarah Palin onstage in the 2000s. Hell, GWAR once got banned from North Carolina for “indecency” and responded by literally putting their fake cut-off head in a museum. That’s commitment.
So if you’re out here pretending to be outraged, we see you. You don’t actually care about “decency.” You’re just mad because your team’s mascot got turned into a blood balloon. Newsflash: your idols aren’t special. They’re clowns in suits, same as the other side. GWAR knows that. That’s why they’ve outlasted half the politicians they’ve slaughtered onstage.
To anyone getting bent out of shape over latex intestines and cartoon blood, here’s some advice: stop being a fucking nerd. Go outside. Touch grass. Or smoke grass, maybe. Or better yet, buy a ticket to the next GWAR tour and stand in the splash zone. It might do you some good to laugh while you’re covered in alien jizz and fake Hitler blood. That’s the point. That’s the show.
GWAR has been mocking the powerful for decades, and they’ll keep doing it long after Trump, Elon, or whoever’s next has shuffled off this mortal coil. You don’t have to like it. But don’t pretend you’re shocked. The rest of us will be busy enjoying the spectacle, beer in hand, covered in slime, while you keep crying into your MAGA hat.