My wife and I have this technique with our son whenever we wander into a toy aisle — we tell him, “We’re not buying anything today, but we can take pictures of the stuff you like.” It’s how we avoid walking out with a random toy that will be emotionally irrelevant by the weekend. The photo goes into a little digital vault of “future gift ideas,” and everybody leaves the store feeling victorious.
My wife and I do the same thing for each other with Pinterest for our birthday/Christmas/anniversary gifts. Except our lists are less plastic dinosaur and more “things we swear are practical” mixed with “I just want to feel cute” or “extremely unserious nonsense.”
And now, since I’m currently on opiates thanks to my stupid hip replacement, instead of letting my pain-med brain impulse-buy whatever shiny thing pops up on Instagram, I’m putting it all here — on “the list.”
So this year’s Racket Gift Guide is basically the inside a stream of consciousness gigglefest curated for you… but also for me. Some things are practical. Some are aggressively stupid. All would make incredible gifts for someone, especially if that someone is me.
Because nothing says “well-adjusted adult” like owning far too many (probably black) T-shirts with band/show logos on them, I am going to want more shirts. Maybe I should branch out… maybe not.
Teenage Bottlerocket shirt
OK, I branched out… into a brown shirt with a band logo on it. TBR fucking rules and when I saw them at Riot Fest 2008, I was balling on a budget and didn’t get shit for merch. But at least I had memories of great friends, shit food, and back spasms from too many mosh pits.
BattleBots T-Shirt
For the person who watches robot combat and whispers “I could build one of those” with absolutely no engineering background (me), there’s this shirt. But, with the kid telling everyone that the doctor put in a “robot bone” in my leg, I feel like the time is right for a Battlebots shirt. There are two reasons I want to go back to Vegas: another trip to Nacho Daddy for some amazing ‘chos, and to see BattleBots in person.
If you or someone you love owns more than one tote bag “for books,” congratulations — you qualify to join me in lusting after some nerdy book shirts.
Support Your Local Library Tee
The perfect shirt for people who love mosh pits but know what the Dewey Decimal System is. Do I think it’s funny that it has a font associated with loud and abrasive music for a notoriously quiet location? Yup. I think that’s WHY I want it.
Basgiath War College Shirt (Fourth Wing)
Caffeine and Curses has loads of book shirts. I like this one from Shadow and Boner, I mean, Fourth Wing. High fantasy, high drama, high likelihood the wearer has strong opinions about fictional relationships.
Bone Carver Bookish Shirt (ACOTAR)
Literally on my TBR pile for post-surgery, but these drugs got me narcoleptic. I fell asleep reading Mad Magazine, I can’t imagine getting through 4,000 pages of high fantasy books right now. Wife swears by them, I think the Bone Carver design looks tight as hell. For the person who reads 700-page books in two days and then says, “I don’t really read that much.”
Monster at the End of This Book Tee
One of the kid’s favorite books. His laugh is one of my favorite sounds. I know he’d laugh at this. I get a cool shirt and I get to listen to the kid laugh about Grover being on the front. Grover would approve. And since Out of Print knows how to make a good shirt…
Bunnicula T-Shirt
I couldn’t pick one shirt from Out of Print, so this is a close second. Because every millennial deserves a shirt honoring the OG vampire bunny.
Fun fact: I found a copy of this killer piece of literature from a Little Free Library. You should definitely scope those out when you can.
Little Woodchucks (autographed)
Speaking of books, I have reviewed Nick Offerman’s literary offerings here before. Now he has one for the kids. I have a kid. Therefore, I need this book.
Nick knows how to make things, I’d like to learn how to make things. Win/win.
The Nachos Sweater
Imagine wearing the exact feeling you get when someone brings out a hot plate of nachos. Loud, warm, and slightly unmanageable. Perfect. Plus, a search of Racket finds 18 posts with “nachos” in there.
Brown Smokey Button-Up
A PNW-style button-up designed for people who love forests, rangers, and bear-based public service announcements from The Great PNW. Do I have a green Smokey button up? Yes. Do I want a brown one, too? Also yes.
Only You Water Bottle
Maybe I should just get the water bottle? But then again, I have like, five other water bottles. Shit. Insert Britney Broski gif here.
Exploding Whale Shirt (Yes, the Oregon One)
Honestly, my favorite piece of Oregon history. And my favorite local sports team. The idea that the state said, “dead whale? Let’s give one of our transportation folks a bunch of TNT and see what happens” is goddamned hilarious. As are the memes.
Overstimulated Moms Club Tee
For the mom who has accepted their fate and is simply vibing through the chaos. They have a dad version, but let’s be real, them kids be touching mamas a lot more than snuggling dads.
LEGO Star Trek U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701-D
Look, LEGO finally admitted that Millennials are their real customer base. This set is enormous, gorgeous, and absolutely something you justify by calling it a “display piece” even though you will 100 percent swoosh it around your living room at least once. Could I posssssibly justify getting this by spending quality time pushing my kid’s hand out of the way while I build this? Maybe. ENGAGE.
Mike Bennett Cryptids Mystery Sticker Pack
For the Portland-inclined or cryptid-curious. Slaps perfectly on laptops, water bottles, and emotional-support Hydro Flasks. Another great option is the Mistletoad ornaments. Honestly, while I am a fan of Mike Bennett’s art, but after our interview, and meeting him at the Portland Aquarium, I find that I am a fan of Mike Bennett the human. Someone who focuses on bringing joy to others, while being a joy to be around, needs to be supported.
ThinkTank Focuspoint 30L Bag
For photographers, travelers, parents, or anyone who has ever said, “I swear I packed it,” and then couldn’t find it. ThinkTank makes bags that feel like they were designed by NASA engineers who also care deeply about ergonomics.
I’ve had a ThinkTank bag before, and I used and abused that bad boy to death. Maybe it’s time to try that again.
Mammoth Grips
My wife got these for me last Christmas and coincidentally peaked as a gift-giver. I once carried an entire cart’s worth of groceries in one trip without breaking a sweat. She just looked at me and said, “I’m never going to top these, am I?” No. No she is not. And honestly, neither are you. But that’s OK. I’d rather live this better life longer than waiting to receive the best gift I have ever been given.
SnapGrip 5
I found out about SnapGrip like many others, being absolutely enthralled when a sassy lady was telling me about it on a YouTube ad that was so good, I watched it again. I looked at the comments, and it was chock-full of others saying they watched the whole thing, too.
But reviews of the actual product were solid, too. SnapGrip is tiny add-on that transforms your phone. Part finger grip, part kickstand, part fidget toy. Perfect for parents, concert-goers, content creators, and anyone whose hands stop functioning the moment they try to take a photo.
Harney & Sons Black Cask Bourbon Tea
Since my doctor “cares about the outcomes” of his patients or whatever, he said I can have no beers while I am hopped up on a dozen meds. So, here comes this tea to save my tastebuds from… WATER. This is for the person who wants to feel like a Victorian chimney sweep who’s developed a taste for bourbon — but cannot, in fact, drink bourbon at 10 a.m. The flavor is warm, rich, and slightly boozy, without the actual “boozy” part.
Bones Coffee: Bikini Bottom Bundle
I got into Bones Coffee at the outbreak of the Covid pandemic. Working from home offered new opportunities to be with my then-six month old, but also to explore making my own damned coffee from home. I went ham on Bones’ sampler packs and have loved them since. For this one, Bones Coffee said, “What if caffeine could also be a Saturday morning cartoon?” and honestly, they nailed it. Fun flavors, great packaging, and enough personality to wake you up before the actual coffee does.
StitchFrame Patch Kit
I am a cheap ass dude. I know this about myself. I will try to wear shirts and pants far past their shelf life… but I also hate holes in them. This thing looks damned promising for keeping garments in the game. Or it might also work for denim jacket enjoyers, punk vest decorators, and anyone who looks at a blank piece of fabric and thinks, “You know what this needs? Flair.” Clean, clever, and endlessly useful.
Embroidery Stitch Book
The patch kit had me thinking, “maybe I just need to learn to sew better.” Then The Algorithm showed me a perfect companion to the patch kit above — it makes you feel like you could embroider beautifully, even if you’re mostly winging it and violently stabbing fabric until something recognizable appears.
Resparked Engraving Kit
Well, shit. Now I am down a crafty, DIY rabbit hole. For the chaotic crafter who says things like, “I could put my initials on that.” It works on wood, leather, glass — basically anything that holds still long enough. A genuinely cool starter set.
SZ Filters
Photography toys that make your pics look like a fever dream in the best possible way. A perfect gift for artists, content creators, or anyone who wants every photo to look like it belongs on a vinyl record cover. They have TONS of filters that can do some fun things in-camera. I really like these two:
Kaleido Filter: https://szfilters.com/product/kaleido-filter/
Starlight Filter: https://szfilters.com/product/starlight-filter/
ISLE Switch Paddle Board/Kayak Hybrid
This thing is the perfect gift for anyone who can’t commit — “Am I a kayak person? A paddleboard person? A person who buys expensive outdoor gear and then uses it twice?” With the Switch, you don’t have to decide. It’s stable, fun, and surprisingly portable for something you can slap on top of a lake. I just want something to go fishing on that won’t break the bank.
Plasma Pedal
Because nothing says “I am a serious musician” or maybe “I am a very unserious musician who like badass things like MOTHAFUCKING PLASMA ON MY PEDALBOARD” like a $300 pedal that looks like it belongs in a sci-fi movie. Makes guitar riffs sound aggressive, cinematic, or like pure chaos — your choice.
Gibson SG Standard ’61 in British Racing Green
I saw a Telecaster in this color at Guitar Center last week and thought, “Hell yea.” Then I saw Gibson made an SG in the same color and thought, “OH, HELL YEA.” Do I have a degree in music? Yes. Can I actually play guitar? No. But maybe having the ultimate tool will magically make me better (dad logic for the win). Let’s seeee!