Far*Out is the reason for California’s over-population. It gives people across the nation that if they have enough talent, drive and/or ambition (or if daddy’s a washed up country music star exploiting his little girl) you can come to California and play venues like The Roxy or the Key Club and everyone will think you’re oh so talented. Fuckers. I know you’re from West Covina, but stop giving people hope, I don’t need hoes from ten different states all trying to “make it” and in the process take up all the parking.
The Emperor!: If Far*out was the cast of Captain Planet, who would be heart?
Joe: Far*out doesn’t watch crap like Captain Planet. Now the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers… that’s the shit right there.
Cha: Don’t remember that show. Just that catchy ass theme song! Voltron and Thundercats were my era. We’re geezers I know… Sorry.
Dio: Chuck Norris.
TE!: Speaking of monkeys, what’s your favorite endangered species?
Joe: I’m gonna go with humans. Wait, let me think of a more optimistic answer…Nope. We’re fucked.
Cha: SLICK RICK and JARVIS COCKER, storytellers in pop music.
Dio: Action stars… like Chuck Norris.
TE!: Do you hope that having formal training in music will put you ahead, or do you think you have to rely on bad haircuts and tight jeans in the current music market?
Dio: Yeah.
Joe: In my experience, only other musicians seem to care about formal training. Most people are more interested in bands jumping around on stage like baboons playing the same old C and G chords. I’d rather throw my own shit at people then do that. I guess we’re all monkeys in our own way.
CHA: It’s like peanut butter and jelly- good alone, but best tasted when put together.
TE!: Best Neil Diamond song ?
Dip: Wait, you can train for music?
Cha: The ones that sound like they’re about girls, but they’re really about drugs.
Joe: I’ve been meaning to listen to his songs, but I’ve got too much porn to keep up with.
TE!: Fender Strat: Wayne of Wayne’s World.
Cha: TIA CARRERE: me.
Joe: Joseph Canal: Nobody.
Dio: I hate quizzes.
TE!: Do you prefer similes or metaphors? I think similes are like, stupid.
Joe: You’re stupid.
Cha: I prefer referring to professional professors for everything.
Dio: What are those?
TE!: Do you feel that you are dysfunctional enough to be good tabloid fodder?
Joe: Here are my qualifications: I’m a vain, narcissistic asshole that thinks he knows everything looking to hookup with hot celebrities only to dump them shortly after so I can bang their hot friends. Do you think I have what it takes?
Dio: I guess.
Cha: Is DYSFUNCTIONAL the word? Because when I read that David Copperfield in OMG gave an assistant of his a child’s magic kit in the hospital after he cut himself during his show in Vegas, the words that come to mind is DOUCHEBAG. And to that, i’ll pass.
TE!: What musician do you think wasted more potential: Kurt Cobain, Bradley Nowell, or Jim Morrison?
Joe: Those guys were musicians?
Cha: EDITH PIAF (God rest her beautiful voice and soul).
Dio: Kurt, because he married Courtney.
TE!: The answer is, of course, Axl Rose.
Joe: The question is, of course, who is the only one that gives a shit about Axl Rose?
Cha: The question is who’s rock n roll fashion transformation didn’t go so well over the years???
Dio: That chick was hot back in the day.
TE!: Favorite writing utensil?
Cha: MY PENIS. (I didn’t really know what answer to put, then I referred to my bracelet which reads, “What would JESUS say.”)
Joe: Damn it. I was gonna answer Cha’s penis but it would be lame to give the same answer. I guess my second favorite writing utensil is Dio’s penis.
Dio: My girlfriend’s penis.
TE!: When writing songs, do you ever find yourself just making shit up to make it fit the tune?
Dio: You’re asking the wrong person.
Cha: It’s a healthy marriage of making shit up and stealing from our heroes.
Joe: I personally just rip off the Beatles every time I want to write a song. That well never runs dry.
TE!: Best kind of cake? Yes, the answer is German Chocolate.
Cha: German chocalate may be the best type of cake but have you ever tried INDIAN CREAM PIE? Yumm.
Joe: Uh… German Chocolate? My favorite is AMERICAN Chocolate cake. You, sir, are not a true patriot.
Dio: You forgot to answer the other questions for us.
TE!: Shut your mouth.
-Jonaathan “The Emperor” Yost