Ok, so when a hot chick asks you to interview a band she manages, you say yes, right? Right! This is exactly why I did this wonderful little interview with SoCal’s very own This Love Machine. I didn’t talk about anything tour or record related, and I could care less. All that matters is I am now on the hot chick’s good list. I will say this though, the interview was fun, and these are some pretty cool dudes. Enjoy!
RacketJeff: Why do you think concept records are starting to make such a comeback? Operas are fucking boring, rock or otherwise.
Matt (Vocals) :Well, if they are done the right way they aren’t to bad. If you really want my opinion on it, you better rock. If you’re going to make it a concept album, you better make it pretty fuckin hard. Don’t fuck with operas and classicals if you can’t hang with Beethoven and can only write 3 power chord songs and shit.
RJ: Finish this lyric: “Mmmmm bop… [blank]”
Matt: Mmmm Bop?
RJ: Yeah there’s more to it dude… fuck where were you in the 90’s?
Matt: Mmmmm Bop bad op… I don’t fucking know man, you’re asking the wrong dude. (laughter)
RJ: Who’s your favorite character in He-Man?
Mike (guitar):He-Man!
Matt: Who was that bad-ass dude with the robe?
RJ: Skeletor?
Matt: Yes! Skeletor!
RJ: True or false: fat chicks need lovin’, too.
Matt: True
RJ: Have you ever done a fat chick?
Matt: Yes
Mike: Sometimes you need to take their lovin’, but I don’t think they NEED lovin’
RJ: What’s been your favorite record this year?
Matt: The new Thrice album (Vhiessu). Plus I heard they were making a new concept album based on the elements, which I’m pretty stoked on hearing.
RJ: Tell me about the drunkest you’ve ever been…. I want juicy details!
Matt: 21st birthday. Some friends took me out and I had like 25 shots in a matter of minutes.
RJ: What?
Matt: 4 horsemen, 3 Wisemen, Petron, Irish Carbombs, I think I had a Mai Tai or 2, something sweet, a few beers. Well anyways, some guy had a camera and I punched a mirror and I broke it, I punched the paper towel thing and I broke it, there were like 6 guys in the bathroom stall telling me to finger-bang my throat, so I finger-bang my throat…
RJ: (laughing hysterically) So you’re a bulimic drunk?
Matt: (Laughs) Yeah.
RJ: And an angry drunk. Why were you punching mirrors?
Matt: I dunno. I saw things I didn’t liked, so I punched it.
RJ: So you didn’t like what you saw in the mirror and punched it?
Matt: Yeah, I just saw the mirror right off the bat and didn’t like it!
RJ: What about you man? (directed towards Mike)
Mike: Oooh, probably going to go back to the fat chick question…
RJ: Ooooh wow.
Mike: Probably one of those times, but I can’t remember.
RJ: Oooh Someone new! (referring to Joe, who had just walked up) Tell me your drunken endeavor!
Joe (Bass player): There are 2 incidents that really stand out, one would be the time I beer-bonged tequila, and I was drunk in like seven seconds. I was just out of my mind. It was a good night, though; I puked up a bunch of red stuff.
RJ: Ewwww….Where did you buy the tastiest burrito you ever ate?
Matt: Nick’s Burrito’s. it’s in Seal Beach on Main St. everyone should go there. They have the most amazing breakfast burritos. You can get mild or hot. It has chorizo, bacon, eggs, and like ground up little babies. Everything you can ever think of in a burrito, it’s in there and packed to the rim. It’s little hole in the wall place.
Joe: There’s this place in Del Gardens call El Picante, they have the biggest wet burrito in the world. It’s so good.
RJ: Would you be willing to take this opportunity to start some beef? I think Dr. Dre. would be a good place to start.
Matt: Start beef?
RJ: Yeah man, just talk some shit. Anything to any band. Fuck we talk shit on Hawthorne Heights all the time. Fuck those guys!
Matt: There’s this indie band form LA called Scarlet Grey whom I cannot stand. The singer is a complete faggot. No one really likes him; I personally do not like Benjamin at all.
RJ: Is he the singer?
Matt: Yeah
RJ: Is he a diva?
Mike: Cockiest motherfucker in the world. He swears he’s Mick Jagger!
Matt: Go to their myspace under Scarlet Grey and just make fun of them.
RJ: Who’s mom is hotter?
Matt, Mike and Joe: Chase! Chase’s mom is the hottest. I mean none of our moms are hot, so Chase’s mom is the logical choice.
RJ: Is she single dude?
Chase (lead guitar): NO!
RJ: Would your Dad mind?
Matt: You’re gonna have to talk to five-shot Lar-Dawg dude!
RJ: Would you lower yourself to eating road kill if you were broke and on the road?
Matt: Nah, we’d just call Wendy (Ford; Management.) Mike and I would probably get knives and go hunting though!
Mike: Yeah, I’d go hunt.
Joe: Maybe if its fresh road kill, like we just saw it get hit and we were starving, then yeah there’s a chance.
RJ: Well I was just at my buddies house and I saw a pitbull kill a cat. I mean the cat was cute and all, but I’d eat it if I was in a bind…
RJ: Shaq once jerked me off. What’s the coolest thing that ever happened to you?
Matt: Damn, Shaq! I don’t believe that!
Mike: I wanna see pictures, video or something. And not just a big black hand, I wanna see Shaq.
RJ: I really just dipped my hand in some stain and went to town… so I guess theoretically Shaq jerks me off every night!
Mike: Wel we have a lot of bad stuff happen to us.
RJ: OK! What’s the worst thing to ever happen to you?
Matt: I borrowed my Dad’s classic car. I was supposed to go to school, but I went to meet this chick instead. It broke down while it was raining. I didn’t have any jumper cables, so I called Mike, who in turn called AAA. So it was raining and he had to come jump me and we were standing there all soaking wet. I had to call my Dad and tell him his car died and stuff.
RJ: That’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? Dude, fucking Shaq jerked me off, that’s pretty shitty!
Mike: No way, that’s a good thing!
Joe: I think Rob (drummer) had a pretty bad one
Rob: Huh?
Joe: You were driving home drunk one night…
TLM in unison: OOOooohhhh!
Rob: Now, now. I was tired!
Joe: He fell asleep behind the wheel and crashed into a tree!
RJ: A crazed lunatic has a gun pointed at your girlfriend and your mother. His gun only has one bullet. He lets you choose. There’s no way you can stop him before he shoots. Which do you pick?
Matt: Line them up and take them both out! (laughter)
Rob: My girlfriend
Wendy: Your girlfriend puts out!
RJ: Hey, there’s plenty of girls out there, but only one Mom.
Mike: My girlfriend is my mom! (laughter)
RJ: Have you ever had to share a bed with a fellow band mate and found yourself poking them with your morning stiffy?
Rob: Share a bed? More like share a shower!
Matt: I’ve definitely had some cuddle action going on.
Mike: Shake it and go!
RJ: True or false: Cops os the best show on TV?
Matt: WORD!
Joe: Any show where they beat the shit out of minorities and throw them on the ground is cool!
Matt: For no reason at all!
Mike: It was fair game. They just look homeless they go after them!
RJ: So tell me, who gets the most “play” on the road?
TLM in unison: Chase!
RJ: What do you play chase?
Chase: Lead Guitar
RJ: That’s why! Lead guitar, not just regular guitar. So what’s the difference between lead guitar and rhythm guitar?
Chase: The girls!
RJ: If your bass player was banging some random fat chick in the van, would you leave, or stick around and videotape? How much shit do you give him the next day or is his secret safe with you?
Joe: They would tape me and mock me forever!
RJ: Do you guys ever compare your penis size then have swordfights?
Matt: Swordfights, but no comparing.
Mike: We close our eyes and play swordfights.
Matt: Closed?
Mike: You keep them open? (laughter)
Joe: That’s why you’re always winning! (laughter)
RJ: Did you name your band after a vibrator?
(hysterical laughter by everyone)
RJ: Waffles or pancakes, and what deep-seated psychological flaw do you think your choice reveals?
Matt: Pancakes, because they are soft and they taste a lot better. Waffles sometimes and be too crunchy and they cut the roof of your mouth.
RJ: I hate that shit, like Cap’N Crunch! God that bugs me!
Matt: yeah, like sometimes croutons cut the roof of my mouth and it pisses me off. Like I just wanna throw my fucking salad.
Joe: That’s why you have molars in the back of your mouth. Didn’t you know that? (laughter)
RJ: Anyone else?
Joe: I’d have to say French Toast because you left it out. No, I like the waffles. I like the crunch. I know how to use my back teeth, so it doesn’t bother me as much.
RJ: So you know how to chew your food?
Matt: Not all of us are as talented as you dude!
RJ: Is there anything you guys want to add or ask me? I love it when bands ask me questions.
Matt: Are those glasses really prescribed to you, or do you just wear them?
RJ: Yeah, they’re prescribed.
Wendy: He looks so sexy when he wears them!
RJ: They are not sexy at all, trust me!
Matt: Are beards in or out?
RJ: Beards are for poor people! I’m allergic to razors man. I fucking hate shaving, so the less I can do, the better.
Matt: I heard once Brandon Flowers (singer of the Killers) does something then it’s out. Brandon Flowers has a beard so it must be out.
RJ: Anything else?
Matt: What instrument do you play?
RJ: Skin flute. The male organ!
RJ: Wendy, do you have anything you want to say?
Wendy: I LOVE YOU, JEFF!
RJ: No, you don’t, you just love my doggy style.
Matt: Wendy is it true you tuck it back?
(laughter)
Wendy: Tuck it back? What does that mean?
Mike: Mangina!
RJ: Ha-Ha, so mean!
Mike: Oh man, let’s go drink!
RJ: Cool!
Needless to say I think I’m on Wendy’s good side. I had fun with the band. If you want to know what they sound like, then feel free to check out their myspace. www.myspcae.com/thislovemachine
By Jeff Curtis