This Valentine’s Day, Lucha Va Voom at the Mayan Theatre is where you two lovebirds should be, in-between watching sweaty men in masks beat each other up, there’s burlesque stripteases by some of the finest ladies in the biz, including the lovely Michelle L’Amour. While there MAY be some explaining to do on why you had a hard-on even when the stripteases were going, the obvious plan of attack is to body slam your lover…on to the bed. ¡OLE!

Tickets available at ticketweb.com and our outlets:
Wacko, 4633 Hollywood Blvd
BRAT, 1938 14th St, Santa Monica
Garage Pizza, 100 1/2 West 7th Street, Downtown LA

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With that said, 2011 was actually a bang-up year for the world of comic books. The San Diego Comic Con has not yet been relegated to the Hell that is Anaheim (despite persistent rumors), cinema and video game production studios continued to suck at the proverbial teats of Marvel, DC and Dark Horse, and the tried-and-true paper books made a somewhat successful leap into the digital realm. As a self-professed geek (but I’m cool now, because comic books are cool now. Right, guys?) and hoarder of geek treasure, I’m here to give you new fans and old a rundown of the best comic book things that happened this year.

MOVIES:
It’s almost as if Marvel apologized for the Hulk movies, the mediocre X-Men sequels and the Daredevil/Elektra fiasco with their releases this year. Riding on the coattails of the “Iron Man” franchise’s success with both critics AND fanboys, we seem to have entered a new era of anti-suck for the Marvel silver screen with Captain America and X-Men: First Class. Admittedly, even “Thor” was (at very least) better than okay. Seemingly intended to further bridge the gap between the more militant fanboys and the regular public, plotlines walked tightropes of origin stories that new fans could enjoy without getting lost in the intricacies of parallel story arcs. Fanatic or now, how could you not enjoy the exploration of the complex relationship between a young Xavier and Magneto, set against a backdrop of 1960s political turmoil? And let’s not forget the stellar “updated” visuals; I am definitely not complaining about the Captain America costume redesign. I thought that it was the perfect realization of a superhero getup without being too cheeseball “Batman and Robin” (the Batman movie of which we do not speak.) My point being, let’s hope this wave of better-than-average cinematic adaptations continues, given that we’re staring down the barrel of a 2012 with even more comic book movie release dates. Do not disappoint me, Avengers.

VIDEO GAMES:
Okay, let’s all agree that 2009’s “Batman: Arkham Asylum” beat the piss out of any and all LEGO Batman video game. Are we all on the same page now? Good. So, who didn’t expect the world out of this year’s Batman: Arkham City follow-up? Damn skippy—we all did. I’m happy to say that DC delivered in a big way and I’ll say it as politely as I can: Arkham City is the tits. Earning 4 of Spike’s illustrious VGAs (that’s Video Game Awards for everyone who thought that was a naughty acronym for something else) including Best Xbox 360 Game, Arkham City went above and beyond as a sequel. And, in case you live under a rock or still use dial-up or something, the Internet is positively buzzing with hinty-hints of another sequel, Arkham World. Google it if you don’t believe me—I’m not gonna do everything for you, jeez. Somewhat less kickass but still pretty awesome was Marvel’s weirdly-timed Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, which stayed under the radar for the most part, due to the earlier release of Marvel vs. Capcom 3: Fate of Two Worlds. Really, they were 9 months apart. WTF is that?! Anyway, Ultimate boasts new characters and *some* fixes, and has met with a generally lukewarm reception. Although, if you’re like me and remember the days of actual arcade games with wistful sighs and nostalgia, Ultimate is definitely worth the $40 price tag.

CLASSIC BOOKS:
In a ballsy move to re-“kindle” (that pun is gonna get charmingly clever in a sec) the romance between people and comics, DC did a big thing in August this year and launched the New 52—reissues and new numberings and entirely new directions for their biggest 52 superheroes and superheroines. This gives new fans a chance to jump in on the ground floor and start picking up books numbered 1 and get invested so that you can be cool in the future, like the rest of us comic geeks. Additionally, the New 52 can be purchased digitally, and with the Kindle Fire color e-reader out now (and cheaper than iPads), I anticipate that digital comics will get much bigger in the coming year. (If you’re looking for a decent cheap starter, I suggest the 99-cent per issue Arkham Unhinged series, delightfully spun-off of the Arkham Asylum VG. Simple plots with familiar characters and really beautiful artwork!) Now you don’t have to purchase additional “bags and boards” to keep your pages pristine and thumb-smudge free. Seriously, keep your Cheetos-fingers off my latest issue of The Goon.

Tangentially, DC’s done a great job of drumming up support for less-than-popular series, such as the sorta wimpy Aquaman who suddenly kicks ass and Animal Man, who now has a storyline that people find interesting. Other big hits include the much-lauded Swamp Thing and the places that the Batman empire is going, most notably, to Africa with Batwing. Hopefully now there will be a little more cohesion with the writing in the Batverse.

This year also brought the announcement of Marvel’s upcoming Avengers vs. X-Men storyline and a really great Guillermo del Toro/Dark Horse horror book, The Strain, which has a lot of merit, given that the vampire comic is so played out, no one can even hear the word “vampire” without waves of Twilight-induced nausea. Additionally, issue #1 of The Strain retails for a dollar, which is the same price of a cheeseburger at McDonald’s, and The Strain (probably) will not give you diarrhea.

WEB COMICS:
I know I’ve been sticking with Marvel, DC and little Dark Horse in this list. I also that there is a whole world of other publishers, big and indie, and that they also have worthwhile things going on this year and next. For the most part, I’m covering the biggest of the big happenings, but that in no way should discourage you from finding and loving comics that are not from the Big Three publishers. To get you started, if you’re unfamiliar with some of the best web comics ever, at least know that we now have real, honest-to-Zod paper books to peruse from favorites The Oatmeal and Hark! A Vagrant, which both hit stores this year. Their websites have been around for a while, but there is this new trend in web comics-turned-books that I’m loving (I’m looking at you, too, xkcd and Hyperbole and a Half) and it saves me the trouble of printing out extra-hilarious pages to look at when my eyeballs start to shrivel up from staring at the computer too much. I don’t even have a lot to add to these, because they’re both clever and hilarious and you really just need to go love them. NEW BOOKS, GUYS! EVERYONE LOVES NEW BOOKS!

AND IN OTHER NEWS, COMICS COULD MAKE YOU RICH AGAIN!
Comic books are, and have always been, the coolest “investment.” Stamps are for mailing things and coins are for buying things, like comic books. (See what I did there?) I can prove it to you with these bits of news: this year, there were some more record-breaking price tags for the favoritest and famousest “Action Comics #1” (first appearance of Superman) and “Amazing Fantasy #15” (first appearance of Spiderman). How rich could you be if you stumbled onto one of these rare books? Well, the discovery of an excellent condition first appearance of the Man of Steel could net you $2.16 million like it did at auction this year, while the first Spidey book earned $1.1 million. And, if digital is the new, uncharted territory of comic books, I wonder if print versions will start to dwindle. Time will tell. The interesting thing is that these sales broke records in an economy full of people that still don’t have a lot of spending money, which says to me that there will always be value in art. Personally, I think $2.16 million is a LOT for Superman, but I guess if I had money to kick around, I would probably be shelling it out for the $110,000 first issue of The X-Men from 1963, so no judgment here.

As I said before, 2011 was good to comic books. Unfortunately, that just means that we’re all going into 2012 with high expectations and we all know that satisfying the fanboy (and fangirl) is a Herculean task. (I mean creatively, not sexually.) So, here’s to 2012 kicking ass and taking names. Happy Holidays, nerds.

- Sierra Christman

The event will be raising money for Cinefamily’s amazing programming. Help support them by becoming a member or by donating today! The more money they get, the more cool shit they can keep doing. Do it now!

Come on down and be part of the studio audience and see it live and be part of the awesome! If you can’t make it down, all of this will also be streaming free on their website. Wow!!

-By Laua Gaddy

Kauz Bots:

Give the gift that gives to others! Adorable robots programmed for a better world. The proceeds from each sale help go to support a targeted cause of your choice. These soft plush robots are irresistibly kuddly and kute, adopt one to bring home today and make someone else’s holiday a little brighter too! Kausebots.com

SNAP Ginger Liquor:

Nothing says the holidays like the spicy fresh-baked scent of gingerbread on a cold morning, except maybe getting drunk. Now you can have both at the same time!  Experience the yummy full bodied flavor of ginger and black strap molasses in classy booze form. Delicious! Just imagine what Santa will bring if you leave him some of this instead of Granny’s ginger-snap cookies….

SNAP. Also available in RHUBY and ROOT from Art in the Age.

Hark a Vagrant! and TopatoCo:

Hark a Vagrant! has been making history awesome since 2006! Pick up a “Shut Up About Babies”  tee to wear to your next holiday gathering and avoid boring small talk about tiny people before it begins or start your day off right with a David Bowie “Glam Breakfast”  or “Hunks”  mug. These and products from other favorites like Dinosaur Comics , Nedriod, Axe Cop, Brandon Bird, Exploding Dog, White Ninja Comics, and more available from TopatoCo!

Mod Cloth:

Shop and vote for vintage, indie, and retro items in this interactive storefront that changes its stock and evolves selection to suit your fashion tastes. Free ground shipping. Visit Modcloth.com.

Thierry Poncelet Regal Dog Portraits:

Give a present with pedigree and sophistication. These classy fine art paintings are perfect for the dog lover or archduke on your list this year. A master of canine portraiture, Thierry Poncelet’s work will amuse and delight, turning even the dreariest foyer into a regal reception hall.

Available here. For 20% off your order type “HOLLYS” at checkout.

Poketo:

Stylish gifts and signature featured artist wallets. Visit poketo.com.

Lost at E Minor:

Bringing you the finest hand-selected finds with a slant toward creativity, pop culture, art, and lifestyle.  Free shipping.

Venture Bros Action Figures from Adult Swim:

These Venture Brothers action figures from Adult Swim are the man-doll must have of the holiday season! Collect all your favorites!

Dr. Venture- For X-Mas this year, give God’s gift “The Ladies”. This svelte silhouette of broken dreams and male pattern baldness comes dressed for success in a stylish custom-fitted 100% genuine cloth super-science jumpsuit.  Orphan heart not included.

Also available: Relive painful childhood traumas with this Boy Rusty and Father set, stylishly packaged in an official lunch box. Xanax sold separately.

Hank Venture- Do clones really have a soul? We may never know, but for this mass-produced genetically perfect replica of your favorite home-schooled kerchief wearing teen, the answer is clear: No, they don’t.

The Monarch- Lovingly assembled by children in Taiwan, this colorful gem is perfect for use in Voo Doo rituals, kink fetish dioramas, and awkward community puppet shows about metamorphosis. Warning: Keep eyebrows pointed away from face.

Gallery Nucleus:

Gorgeous art originals, prints, and products from visiting contemporary exhibitions and beyond. Visit gallerynucleus.com.

Amazing Everything by Scott C. 

Amazing Everything is the latest book of art from Scott C. the man behind Zombie in Love and Great Show Downs. The perfect gift for the person who wants everything! Available at pyramidcar.com.

Cartoon Network:

Get all your Swag and DVD’s from your favorite fever dream inspired cartoons like Adventure Time! What time is it? Time to get some rad presents.

Prehistoric Puppets:

Take a bite out of time with this highly articulated prehistoric chomp monster. This detailed dino puppet comes in one of two colors and is made of super soft molded vinyl. Turn your hand into a deadly T-Rex and rule the past! From Puppetoys.

Spy Net: Spy Strike Laser Dueling System:

Lasers you shoot at each other! I don’t know about you, but it’ll be hard not to blow my spy cover by making pew-pew sounds and spouting one liners as I riddle my enemies full of light. Get it here.

That wraps it up! Happy holidays from Racket!

-By Laura Gaddy

Anyways, his pad had recently caught on fire, scaring the living shit out of him (and probably his dogs). Long story short, dude got shafted out of insurance, and is boned when it comes to having to repair his home. The rad people at Paper and Plastic, along with 41 artists, have joined together to offer a digital download for giving them your hard-earned money. Or your government-handout, they really aren’t that picky when it comes to where the money comes from. The compilation includes jams from The Sounds, Chuck Ragan of Hot Water Music, MC Lars and a shit-ton of other, equally amazing artists.

Click ->HERE<- to go get it!

-Jonathan Yost

Electric Six
Heartbeats & Brainwaves
Metropolis Records
8/10

With Electric Six’s Heartbeats & Brainwaves—the disco-punk-metal’s eighth album in nine years—the Detroit-based sextet may not break any new ground, but therein lays their charm. Arguably the most prolific band in existence right now, singer Dick Valentine and his five cohorts are content to crank out their brand of earnest inanity, and they aren’t all that interested in changing up their formula for broader appeal; one gets the impression their flirtation with the mainstream at the outset of their career was enough for them. They’re something of the indie realm’s equivalent to AC/DC—debauched, innuendo-spewing rockers who refuse to take themselves seriously and whose only concerns seem to be having fun and bringing their fans along for the ride.

That’s not to say the band doesn’t add a little spice to their familiar concoction. For the first time since his debut-album duet with Jack White (I’m sorry, “John S. O’Leary,” *nudge, wink*), Valentine shares lead vocal duties on several tracks. “It Gets Hot” is the band’s first foray into hip-hop, courtesy guest rapper Andy D.’s appearance during the bridge, while “Interchangeable Knife” finds Electric Six at their most experimental, thanks to a reappearance by Andy D. and some childlike female crooning from She Bits (c’mon, it’s not like anyone on an Electric Six record will have anything other than a stage name). The album also finds the band returning to some of its ‘80s electro-synth pop roots, an element downplayed on their last couple of releases. Keyboardist Tait Nucleus? (don’t question the question mark) in particular shines, reaffirming his spot as the band’s unsung hero after having his contributions mitigated of late.

Opener “Psychic Visions” finds Valentine hamming up his best Nick Cave impression over a wall of down-tempo synth lines and drum machine beats, though the foreboding gives way to befuddlement once one starts listening to the lyrics. Truly, Valentine’s trademark coupling of witty wordplay with nonsense to make a successful rhyme is in fine form throughout the album, and the first song adequately sets the stage—“I see her dancing in the Latin quarter/Abbreviations make everything shorter.” It only gets more confounding from there with “Don’t take away my good time drinking problem/Don’t mind my demons when they speak to you” (“I Go Through Phases”) and “Now she’s living on a fiery line/with a fridge filled with French bacon/Mouthing all the words of a famous mime/For which she’s commonly mistaken” (“French Bacon”). The specter of Captain Beefheart looms heavy here, something Valentine directly addresses in “Food Dog,” aping a few of the Captain’s lyrics from “Floppy Boot Stomp.”

The head-scratching charisma Valentine oozes comes down to this prevalent absurdity. He delivers every lyric, no matter how ludicrous, with the utmost authority and conviction. Take “Gridlock!” for example: “Science is just a suspension of belief/A way to explain away the grief/And every policeman needs a chief.” As soon as he’s about to touch on something profound, there comes the jackknife turn to the ridiculous. He’s funny, sure, but in a six-degrees-removed kind of way. Is he funny despite his attempts to be sincere, or vice versa? If it’s a joke he’s singing, he’s not in on it, even though he’s the one who penned it. He exists, nay, thrives, in that thin netherworld between clever and stupid. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that he is a genuinely gifted vocalist with quite a range (think of him as a more accessible Mike Patton), though again, his macho-baritone may be one long bit or irony.

The band continues the contradictions that define them, such as the direct subtlety of Valentine’s sex-dripping lyrics in “It Gets Hot,” the intense indifference of “Free Samples,” the self-aware ignorance of “The Intergalactic Version” (“We write the same song over and over again”), and social commentary mixed with decadence in “We Use the Same Products.” With that last one, the question is again raised—are they criticizing consumerism and superficiality, or are they mocking artists who are serious in using rock as a medium for airing their discontent? Regardless, their bread-and-butter catchiness remains intact, evidenced by the wild abandon, sing-along choruses (“Hello!/I seeeee you/Hello!/Therrrrre” and “Free samples/They’re giving shit awaaaayyyy”) and the can’t-help-but-move-to-it grooves.

Of course, with every E6 album, there are duds, something the band probably recognizes as a means of proving nothing is perfect, that everything must have its warts to be authentic. “Bleed For The Artist” and “Eye Contact” are the throw-aways.

Will Heartbeats & Brainwaves win Electric Six any new fans? Nah, probably not, but for those who have stuck by them for years, it is a welcome addition to the band’s repertoire.
-Cole Waterman

At age 61, the maestro of conjuring melody from junkyard clatter, sideshow soundscapes, and barstool serenades has released his most concise work to date. The 13 songs—16 on the deluxe edition—are direct and immediate as a punch to the gut, perhaps a reaction to the triple-album sprawl of Waits’s rarities compilation, Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers, & Bastards.

More than ever before, the seminal Waits tips his hat to his own influences and peers. “Get Lost” sounds as though Waits has been mounted by the shade of Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, the ramshackle frenzy of brass clanging together like the finest of the bokor’s rave-ups, while the demented title track comes across as a nod to Nick Cave.

“Satisfied” is a rollicking blues number, a response to Muddy Waters’s “I Can’t Be Satisfied.” Waits blusters and brays about how he is going to be gratified, even if he has to break through your ribcage and rip contentment straight from your heart. The song takes on a bit of a meta quality thanks to the presence of Keith Richards on guitar and Waits name-checking both he and his songwriting partner: “Now Mr. Jagger and Mr. Richards/I will scratch where I been itchin’.” The song also showcases Waits’s knack for warping the grotesque into the poetic in the opening, “When I’m gone/Roll my vertebrae out like dice/Let my skull be a home for the mice/Let me bleach like the bones on a beach/I’ll be hard like a pit from a peach.” How fitting is it that the accompanying grainy black-and-white video features Waits lurching around like an epileptic zombie whose scenes were cut from Night of the Living Dead? The definition of danse macabre.

Richards returns to duet with Waits on “Last Leaf on the Tree.” The song continues the Waitsian tradition of pathos-eliciting balladry and is the most heartrending piece on the album, an ode to one’s own resilience, at once defiant and mournful. “Kiss Me,” with its despair masquerading as hope, is a self-referential nod to Waits’s own early years on the Asylum label, sounding like it could have hailed from Blue Valentine. And were Johnny Cash still around, the country waltz “Back in the Crowd” would surely have appeared on his next American Recording. It’s not all doom, though; there’s a fair helping of the glitter.

“Chicago” romanticizes the notion of forsaking stagnancy on a whim for the chance of a better life. One gets the impression Waits is of the mind that the act of plunging into the unknown is the objective, not merely the means of achieving it. It’s about the adventure, not the arrival. And it can’t be an accident that a song called “Chicago” is carried by Waits’s best Howlin’ Wolf impression.

Similarly, “Face to the Highway” conjures the mood of a long-time coming drive out of town, of heading down a deserted stretch of highway at 4 in the morning as an endless series of overpass lights stream by. But where “Chicago” lauds solidarity as a means to foster bravery and inspire bold decisions, “Face to the Highway” credits the narrator’s abandonment of another as necessary, that it is the road and freedom or a stilted existence in a prison cell that lies before him.

Bad As Me also builds on Waits’s ever-increasing dabbling with political matters, featuring no less than two finger-pointing ditties.

“Talking at the Same Time” bemoans the futility of American politics, the Sisyphian nature and influence of selfish interests increasingly defining the process. “We bailed out all the millionaires/They got the fruit/We got the rind” he hisses like a coiled snake in his smoothest falsetto yet. No more are his pipes shrill and alarming when tapping into a higher register. Well, not as alarming; Waits will always carry a sense of dread in his vocal cords, something that can’t help but make your heart flutter in unease. The melody and seesaw rhythm evoke the soundtrack to a 1940s film noir; one can envision a sleazy gumshoe chain-smoking in the neon blue haze of a no-tell motel somewhere in the Deep South.

The second political number, “Hell Broke Luce,” is the most challenging, and engaging, track on the record. Equal parts blues stomp, field holler, and military march, the pastiche is a dispatch from the frontlines of war. Waits doesn’t shy from addressing the innate absurdity of war, and makes no bones about depicting the horror in appropriately profane terms: “Listen to the general, every goddamn word/How many ways can you polish up a turd?” Rumor is, the song was inspired by Jeff Lucey, a U.S. Marine who returned to America from combat in Iraq only to commit suicide. The industrial rattle of melodies and instruments competing for dominance make for an unsettling listen, with Waits sounding like Old Scratch reversing the tides of damnation, unleashing his hordes on the world. Now it may be a coincidence, but an interrupting tuba solo amid the bedlam can’t help but be reminiscent Waits’s own “God’s Away on Business;” is the message here that when God’s away, the Devil will play?

Following such a tour of chaos, the morning-after feel of “New Year’s Eve” is a bit of a letdown. That being said, it’s not a poor song, depicting a dysfunctional family’s festivities as another year draws to close, but it fails to move with the same gravitas as the best Waits closers—“That Feel,” “Come on up to the House,” and “The Day After Tomorrow.” This boils down to personal taste, but bonus song “Tell Me”—with its pondering of the mundane and spaghetti western guitar lines—would have been a more suitable and rewarding capstone.

All told, the album straddles that delicate line of breaking new ground while acknowledging the past, making it Waits’s most accessible album in more than a decade.

- Cole Waterman