Ahhhhh, Comic Con, how I missed you. And how I both love you and loathe you. My first Comic Con was but five years ago, helping my buddy Josh Sullivan out in Artist’s Alley. It was a glorious time, filled with hope and wonder, but not so many people. Artist’s Alley was almost a ghost town, with Josh’s booth damn near the back, 30 feet from the nearest booth. What a topsy turvy world I entered on the first day of Comic Con! What was once a ghost town of …

The Dark KnightWarner Bros. Pictures9.8/10
Well, shit. I went into this thinking it was gunna be a solid flick, I did not know I would end up impregnating my jeans. You know what, that’s it. That’s the fucking review. If you haven’t seen it, go now.  -The Emperor 

I Want To Be Your Joey Ramone
Stephanie Kuehnert
MTV Books
8/10
If the author is anything like lead character Emily Black: dibs on Kuehnert. Dibs so bad. Basically, Kuehnert makes me feel like a pervert for a few chapters by writing about some hot punk chick fucking punk band members because she wants to feel the raw energy she felt in the crowd, but, you know, between her legs. Then she starts a band with her friend and her friend’s soon-to-be boyfriend. Somehow they become huge. Tours, stadiums, and fucking lesser band frontman …

For our first interview with GWAR, we were on the phone, safe from the clutches of Oderus’ slimy fingers. It’s a whole new world sitting right next to him, scared that you may start to look like a blue whale. Or Jim Henson. Watch what happens when you suck up the fear and go balls to the wall with Muppet fucking your first topic.
The Emperor! – So let’s start off with the hard hitting questions: which Muppet would you most like to fuck?
Oderus Urungus – I don’t FUCK Muppets. …

Damiera
Quiet Mouth Loud Hands
Equal Vision Records
6/10
Well, I’m used to either complete crap, or tunes that kick my ass. So, when I get middle of the road, I don’t-really-care-one-way-or-the-other albums, I don’t really know what to say. I have no strong feelings one way or the other, There’s times when my ears perk up a bit as they get what sounds like a long-lost At The Drive In riff, but go limp RacketAaron’s dick when they hear some weird and spastic garbage. Umm, you know what, I’m not going to tell …

Blacklist Union
Breaking Bread With The Devil
Blu Records
4/10
Oh, good: radio rock. My favorite. I really wish I could convey the tone of my voice through this. Breaking Bread with the Devil, huh? Clever. This is about as evil as you can get…to still be played on VH1. Headbanger’s Ball, even the shitty new one, would laugh you out of town. Expect this to be played on low budget action movie soundtracks all summer long.
-Jonathan Yost

Staked
Jeremy F Lewis
Pocket Books
6/10
Staked kind of reads like Harry Potter for grown-ups, which is to say it involves magic, adventure, and the supernatural- but with lots of sex and violence thrown in. It’s definitely not the most intelligent thing I’ve ever read, but it kept my attention the whole time, and once I started reading, I couldn’t really stop. It wasn’t that the plot was that clever, it was more that it was easy to read (great for those with a smaller vocabulary) and the plot moved fast. I’m not …

Artist: The Hold Steady
Album: Stay Positive
Label: Vagrant
Rating: 9.0/10.00
This is really a band that needs little introduction, or a background as to whom they are. The truth is, at this day and age there is only a small handful of artists making the type of impact that the Hold Steady have been making.
So, with the release of their fourth album (their second for Vagrant Records) one might assume the mighty rock tyrants might be running out of steam. Part of me wished they had been too, because with a band like …

Safari So Good
Every Fight is a Food Fight When You’re a Cannibal
Takeover
7/10
Well, on one hand, the five jams, including a Smashing Pumpkins cover, didn’t piss me off. OK, maybe the Pumpkins cover did a little, because, well, stop covering the Smashing Pumpkins. On the other, I don’t know if it was enough to see if I actually gave a shit about this band. Clever titles aside, I’d keep an eye out on these guys and see if they can deliver.
-Jonathan Yost

Linwood
Burn Effect
Waxsaw Records
5/10
I didn’t even realize I was listening to anything for the first 20 minutes I had this on. No, seriously, I’m not being sarcastic.I really didn’t notice it for 20 minutes. It’s nothing new, nothing exciting. If you love Ryan Seacrest telling you what to listen to, here it is. He’d probably tell you to listen to this, so have fun.
-Jonathan Yost

What follows is my article that, as you may have deduced, did not make the cut over at The Skateboard Mag. It was supposed to hit print last summer but, and I can’t fault the fellas for this, a two page article on an Alabama World Cup Skateboard Contest by some unknown kid did not end up top priority. No hard feelings. However, I will say that I thought that the article turned out quite well. So, instead of letting it sit on my hard drive …

“Let’s be honest, it came out a lot better than a lot of bands who are totally serious and practice all the time.” – Tim Lambesis
True Dat, Timmy, true dat. As a Southern California resident my entire life, I feel it to be my responsibility, my patriotic duty, to spread the word of As I Lay Dying’s frontman’s tribute to the Governator, Austrian Death Machine. Racket, utilizing our massive pull in the music industry, got the OK to give you fine readers a track to check it out.
So click …

These guys are the coolest motherfuckers in the world. After technical difficulties the first time around, I got a second chance to interview Naples, FL’s sexiest man-candy band–Fake Problems. I can’t really account for much of what happened leading up to and after this interview and I would apologize…but…I just don’t care enough too. I spent the night hanging out with the guys, double-fisting gin and tonics…which led to a person in my party, as well as their tour manager getting kicked out of the venue. It’s times like these …

Earlimart
Hymn and Her
Shout Factory
8/10
When it comes to music to mellow out to, this is it. I’m actually really surprised some quirky indie movie hasn’t picked up half of this as the soundtrack yet. The Aaron Espinoza and Ariana Murray have voices that seemed destined to make harmony with each other. Piano-ballads abound, and somehow this avoids the droning of most Coldplay and the pop of Elton John. Well performed, well written songs. Solid.
-Jonathan Yost

Rose Hill Drive
Moon is the New Earth
Megaforce Records
7/10

Rose Hill Drive is another one of those bands that does not want to accept the fact that Led Zeppelin’s never gunna put out another record, so they decided to do it themselves. Rose Hill Drive has decided that it can’t be classic rock if they’re still doing it. Really, that’s about it. Think Wolfmother. Which is like thinking Led Zep B-sides. So, yea, skip Wolfmother and just think Led Zep B-Sides.
-Jonathan Yost